Post # 1
I got married in February this year and wanted to ask the opinion of others.
I asked my best friend (of 13 years) to be my bridesmaid for my wedding which she declined as she would have a newborn baby (4 months) at the time of the wedding. She didn’t attend my hens day party as her baby was unwell and declined the invite to my wedding via Facebook as she said she wasn’t up to a day out with her baby just yet (and didn’t want anyone to babysit for her).
I understand that a new baby can be difficult and am therefore not offended that she couldn’t come. I was upset that she chose to not be involved in any part of the wedding at all and only sent me a text the day before wishing me well. I received no card or gift (I don’t expect a gift). At the same time she was sending thank you cards to everyone (close and not very close friends/acquaintances) for baby presents but couldn’t find time to write my now husband and I a wedding card? I chose to forget it and move on until she casually mentioned last week she christened her new baby the week prior without any mention to me or any other of our friends.
I feel like she is choosing to leave me out of her new life and feel hurt. I was just wanting to know if I am being unreasonable to be offended?
Post # 3
I would be offended.
It is not like it is a NEW NEW baby. One of my friends attended a wedding THREE DAYS after giving birth.
I actually am meaner than you, I think she COULD and SHOULD have attended your wedding if you were clse friends.
Looks like she is going to just isolate herself and make the child the only priority.You cannot do anything to change that.
Post # 4
I wonder if she might be struggling with post partum depression, or seperation anxiety??
Post # 5
@Jamieg: This! How is she feeling in herself?
Post # 6
I wouldn’t take it personally. It sounds like she has her hands full, and like others said could be post partum or a lot of things. Her priorities are different now and I think behavior was quite reaonable given her circumstances. I do think she should have gave you a card!
Post # 7
I always look at life from the aspect that everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources that they have at that very moment. For whatever reasons, she couldn’t bring herself together for these things, as hurtful as it may seem…so I think that it’s important to find out what happened/is going on that is making her act this way. I can understand that you’re upset though, I’m sorry!
Post # 8
It would have been nice to get a card.
Post # 9
I’d be offended, too. She sounds like she’s being self-involved right now. True, “priorities” change, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t worth the 5 seconds it would take to send you a card, or something other than a spur of the moment text message.
If she had guests at the Christening and left you out, and you were good friends, I’d take that as a message of where you now stand with her, and I’d put my stock in better friends.
Post # 10
I think she probably has her hands full right now. She is in new baby land and it can be really consuming. I also want to throw out there, in my family Chrisenings are a family event- we don’t invite friends.
Yes, it would have been nice to send a card/gift but I wouldn’t be upset about not getting one for this many months.
Post # 11
Thanks for everyone’s feedback 🙂
Post # 12
I understand that she has different priorities at the moment that’s why I didn’t want to bring it up with her. I am in contact with her a fair amount (email and in person as she is currently very involved helping with the upcoming wedding of our mutual good friend. whom she has accepted to be her bridesmaid and currently asking my opinion on what she she get our friend and her Fiance for a gift..)
She doesn’t appear to be suffering from PND but definitely from separation anxiety, however I do think her partner is a lot to blame as he is quite traditional and thinks she should always be at home with the baby otherwise ‘she is not taking proper care of the baby’ meanwhile he is off at the pub every Saturday might?!
I understand the christening may be a family event I just would have liked to have been told about it rather than a passing comment.
Thanks for all your feedback xo