- Moja Milosc
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
So this is a rant, but I’ve held it in for so long…
– a little back story, Future In-Laws live across the street and we see them daily, obviously. The following is not exactly out of character for them, but it’s really causing some hurt which it usually doesn’t –
When Fiance first proposed his parents were kinda just not interested. I get that some people don’t care about weddings so I didn’t feel hurt by it. Fiance made a little joke about how we were gonna have a huge wedding and his mother flipped and said they won’t be paying for a thing. I honestly don’t think anyone should ever HAVE to contribute to something, but if you choose not to contribute, that’s not how to tell us.
Then I told his mother I would be growing my own flowers for bouquets to save money (to ask her gardening advice) and she said “oh no don’t do that, I’ll buy you your bouquet – anything you want – and you can just buy your bridesmaids bouquets” Well, okay but how would that help? I don’t want to buy ANY bouquets, so whatever. So I changed my plan to buying flowers in bulk and wanted to just see if she would buy those instead which would be about the price of a bridal bouquet, but every time I asked her if she’d go to the florist with me she’d say she was busy.
Then her outfit, she was adament that I needed to go with shopping with her, but that she wasn’t buying anything. Confused yet? So I mentioned days I could go and she always had an excuse. Eventually I gave up and figured she wanted to wear something she already had.
Then we had a very tough situation where we almost postponed due to money. We decided to cut back which I’ve mentioned in other posts. She apologized that we had to do that then started giggling about how a few weeks prior, her friend had told her that the groom’s parents usually host the rehearsal dinner. She’s like “how silly do you think I feel??? I mean, how dumb could I be?? I had no idea! I would have paid for it had I known…” Well we aren’t having a rehearsal dinner because we can’t afford one, and she kept laughing and saying she ‘would have’ paid for it, but never offered to have one. AND she had found out weeks before and not mentioned it at all until she was in the clear and there was no threat of having to have one I guess. I seriously just shrugged this off but started to feel a little awkward around her because she just never knows when it’s best to just not talk.
Now she’s been bugging my Fiance to tell me when she’s available to go shopping for her outfit, our wedding is in 2 weeks. I’m up to my ears in stupid tedious planning, and I can’t take a whole day to “not buy anything” with her. She’s already gone to 3 stores and doesn’t like anything, and keeps complaining to Fiance who is just totally fed up with it. I am appreciative of him, he tells her she’s too late to ask for my help pretty much. He also asks why she can’t just call me herself and she says it’s because I’m probably too busy to be bothered. If I’m too busy to take a phone call, how will I find time to go shopping with you?
Today she told him she wanted to call me and offer to help but she’s scared to. She likes to pretend other people are big mean bullies. I have been the farthest thing from a bridezilla it’s not even funny, but she knows she should have helped, she she just waited until most things are taken care of and starts offering.
So Fiance comes home today totally upset that his father is bailing on his bachelor party tomorrow – a deep sea fishing trip – and now Fiance has to pay for FFIL’s spot because he won’t be there and won’t pay. Fiance is devastated. He’s not an emotional guy and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything hurt him like this. And Future Mother-In-Law defended FFIL’s decision saying that he didn’t think he was “really invited”. He thought the invitation was fake and instead of asking Fiance to clarify, he complained to his wife and bailed on his son. I know it might sound silly to some, but he was really looking forward to this trip.
Well guess what, a couple hours after Fiance expressed how upset he was and walked out of his parents house, Future Mother-In-Law starts calling us both and stopping by our house while we were out because she wants to come talk to me. She wanted to come over tonight at like 8:30 to offer to help me with the wedding. He told her no and that she can call me tomorrow if she wants.
I’m feeling so ambushed. He is SO upset he said (in anger, not for real) that he doesn’t even want them at the wedding because they don’t care that this is important to him. She KNOWS he is upset and that she’s neglected to help when I needed her, and bailed on all the promises she’s made so far. And now at the worst time possible she HAS to come talk to me in person and put me on the spot. She’s trying to stir the pot and make this all so dramatic.
This is going to sound bitchy but I honestly don’t want her help. She’s been such a pain and the most helpful thing she could do is give me space.
So how do I handle this? She and I have never had a confrontation really, I just smile and put up with her. We get along fine because I don’t participate in the drama. Now I feel like she’s desparately trying to pull me in and I just don’t need this right now. She won’t drop it. Now she needs to help and I need to find a job for her. I feel like she’ll do her fake-cry-and-call-everyone-I-know-to-complain thing if I say I don’t need help, but I can’t trust her to actually help. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I understand a lot of people would suggest talking to her but I really just want to dodge this completely…
Thanks to anyone who read all this crap! Please help!