(Closed) Hurt by in-laws, and trying to bite my tongue… need advice : (

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

oh, gosh. I don’t know what to say, but I did read it all and wanted to let you know I’m sorry! I have some similar family members that just looove to stir the pot, and I feel like there’s nothing you can even really do about it. FI’s brother pulled out of the entire wedding and wouldn’t go because he was angry at Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law. Similar to how your FH feels..I didn’t know what to do besides just be there for him and not make a big deal of his upset. He was mortified that he was that upset, and upset just in general, so I tried to distract him.

 

I’m sorry you have to deal with this :/ my in-laws live in the duplex next to us, so if you ever need to rant and share everybody loves raymond stories, I’m down! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sorry, this sounds like a lot of extra stress at a bad time. I think you should keep on the same path of smiling, being polite, and doing things on your own, especially right now when the tension is high. But maybe think of something she can help with that isn’t until just before the wedding? An extra set of hands with the flowers could be helpful, and if she bails just make sure you have backup. She sounds like she will be crying that she was excluded if you don’t ask her to do something.

Post # 5
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I would tell her that honestly the best thing she could do is to stop calling and just showup to the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

It’s a lot of extra stess, but remember you’re in an emotional place right now (close to the wedding, lots going on). My advice is for you and fiance to distance yourselves from them. When the mother calls you both need to tell her, “Sorry, we’re busy” or “you’re going to have to find something on your own, I don’t have time right now.”

 It totally sucks, but sometimes you have to put drama on the back burner.

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Oh man…that sounds awful.  You’ve handled all of this so much better than I would have.  

I agree with @KitKatNYC: that you should stay the course.  Give her something to do that if it doesn’t happen it won’t be the end of the world and/or you have backup.  That being said, I would give her one task….and I wouldn’t attempt to include her until you have to the day of.  Have someone to be on Mother-In-Law look out who can get her away from you if needed.

I have married into a family of lovely people who can also be incredibly flaky, not pay attention and tthen complain about not knowing what the deal is/was later.  I’m slowly learning to be very specific with requests if I have them (please show up at x time and wear formal clothes, etc) and to not assume anything or that they will understand implied things.  They don’t.  ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m so sorry about your FI’s no-show dad…that would be incredibly hurtful.

Post # 9
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@maureen9004:  This is true and good advice.  Sanity saving, really.

Post # 10
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@sorrycharlie: … and I can share in you guys’ pain, I live WITH my FILs’!  Lol! 

Sorry you’re going through this stuff with your FILs’.  I get along well with Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law, for the most part.  Just not with Future Sister-In-Law, Future Brother-In-Law, or (not always) FCIL.  I just kinda keep my wedding stuff to myself.  I don’t really want anyone’s help.  I’m a control freak, to the max.  When I have a vision of something, I can’t trust anyone to produce an exact replica of that vision.  So, my problem is, I never ask for help.  So far, I haven’t gotten into the DIY projects.  I was thinking of enlisting someone to help me peel the labels off of the salsa jars I’m collecting and put my wedding labels on them.. But I don’t think anyone will stick the stickers on evenly =[

Post # 11
Member
231 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Honestly I feel like there’s too much involvement with them, such as I’d just ignore them+wedding. Anything with them and the wedding I’d just not even talk to them about it unless it’s important like the bachelor party. For that you’d think with all the other conversations going on that your fiancé would have asked him if he’s looking forward to the trip or -anything- because they must not be close. So that might be why he is so upset but if that is important he should let his dad know it is to him.

I think it’s time to literally go about your merry little way and don’t even talk about the wedding with them, there are clearly no positive points in talking to them about it, you know?

I bet you will feel like your lives are a lot easier! Any time it’s brought up just change the subject

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m really sorry, it must be so tough to see your Fiance hurting like that. I think it would be good for him if he could stand up for himself though, rather than you having a confrontation with his mother about it. If I were you I’d encourage him to let them know how hurt he is, I think he really needs to get it off his chest.

Post # 13
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  ๐Ÿ™  I actually came on here tonight to see if anyone is having issues with the family they are marrying into because I too am having some major things going on and it’s six weeks til the wedding.  It’s so hard to understand how or why other people behave the way they do when it is so foreign to how we act or behave or were brought up.  It rips my heart out so while I don’t have any answers for you please know you will be in my thoughts as you go towards your wedding day and just try to remember after all is said and done you will be married to your Mr Wonderful ! ๐Ÿ™‚  (I know though that it’s scary marrying into a family that you wish you could exchange for another family !! lol)

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