sophiap11 : “We have been saving for a house but I still found a way to get him a gift that he loved”
I’m asking this seriously, not snarkily, trying to understand what’s going on here- don’t you two talk to each other? Especially before an event?
I can’t believe that, in a similar situation, my husband and I wouldn’t ask each other about this and mutually decide either 1. We’re saving for a house so let’s skip gifts to each other this year. 2. We want to save for our goals but still exchange gifts, let’s set a spending limit of, say, $25 each or 3. Let’s forget about savings over the holidays and splurge a little.
Our relationship isn’t perfect by any means, I’m not trying to be gross and icky making such a comparison- I’m just having a hard time getting how simple conversations like this aren’t routine for you guys? It seems you wait passively-aggressively in silence waiting for him to fuck up again and he’s either insensitive or clueless enough to live down to your expectations.
So many questions:
When you bought him a present for Christmas and he had nothing for you, did he say anything about this? A gee, I feel bad I didn’t get you anything or I thought we weren’t exchanging presents this year?!
Does he buy presents for his own family at birthdays and Christmas or is he not much of a gift giver in general? Are his family members gift givers/ occasion celebrators? If you only had a few days together and he wanted to see his family one of those days (not side eyeing him at all for that), why didn’t you go as a couple? Not that he can’t go alone and you each can’t do your own thing, just wondering about the dynamics here- as in do you go with him to see his family usually/ sometimes/ rarely/never?
Is 25 a milestone for you? I don’t typically think of it as a ‘milestone birthday’ so curious as to why you say it was a special number to you? Not judging, just curious.
If this is how he’s been in the past, why did you expect him to behave any differently for this occasion? True, I would be hurt if my partner didn’t even acknowledge my birthday, but I also wouldn’t have purposely not mentioned my birthday….why didn’t you tell him what you wanted to do for your birthday? It just seems this could have been easily avoided by a simple conversation “hey, if you’re going to be home the weekend of my birthday, I’d like to……”
And one last question, but this is a big one for me, how does he treat you otherwise? Is this a sweet caring partner who shows he loves you in lots of other ways but just isn’t big into gift-giving gestures? Or is this a symptom of a bigger problem in that he’s not a very considerate or attentive partner in general?