- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
Okay, I know I will probably get jumped on for this post since I know that people have strong feeling about the “ceremony-invite only” thing, but in reading another thread, I was kind of bothered by what felt like an inconsistency in people’s arguments about why it’s so wrong.
When someone posts about wanting to invite a group of people to a ceremony only and not the reception, a lot of responses are along the lines of risking offending the ceremony-only people, and causing friendship rifts, etc. Basically saying you will horribly offend people by inviting them to ceremony only, and if you can’t afford/fit them in the reception also, don’t invite them at all. BUT, when people talk about having a small wedding, no one says “you MUST invite all the people that you know & especially those people who ask about being invited or assume they are invited b/c they will be horribly hurt and offended if you don’t invite them and you will cause friendship rifts.” Rather, if anything, people say if X friend can’t understand you not being able to invite everyone you would like to the wedding, then X isn’t your friend at all! It’s not a day for them, its a day for you and your Fiance.”
Yes, there are a lot of people who may not care too much about your day, and just want an invite for free food & booze & hanging out, but I’m sure we all have family or friends or associates (especially those that feel closer to us than we are to them) who will be legitimately hurt if we don’t invite them (and then others who will feel hurt if we invite those people, and not them…and the spiral goes on and on!).
So why is okay to hurt people by not inviting them at all, but NOT okay to hurt people by inviting them to one part of the celebration and not the other? In any event, they would have the option to decline and not waste their time if they don’t feel like half a celebration is worth it.
Now, I am NOT saying that you SHOULD invite people to ceremony only. I am one of the people who would probably be offended if that happened to me. However, I would also be hurt if someone I cared for didn’t invite me at all. I am just raising this issue b/c it seems inconsistent that we shouldn’t care about hurt feelings when excluding people entirely, but should when we trying to include people out of a genuine desire to include them with a limited budget.
Also, as far as being gift grabby, a ceremony-only invite would seem to me as much like a gift solicitation as a full invite from someone who I didn’t consider a close friend, or someone who I suspected had me on their B-list …even if from the perspective of those people was that they just wanted to include me in their special day.