Hurt feelings over social media and photo

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I honestly think it’s a bit disrespectful and I can see how you would be hurt. There is one male on my facebook who was engaged (now married), and I would see him constantly liking pictures of other girls in scantily clad outfits (some models, some mutual friends), often with provocative poses. His then fiance (now wife) was very much the polar opposite in terms of the physical attributes of these girls, and I just felt like it wasn’t appropriate. 

I can understand how other bees are saying you are overreacting (liking a photo doesn’t mean he’s cheating), but I can also understand why you would be a bit hurt by this.

Post # 17
Member
3677 posts
Sugar bee

slomotion :  have you really not seen how girls pose these days on social media? You think there’s no intention of trying to be sexual with their asses sticking out so far they’re about to slip a disc? You don’t have to have your literal vagina sticking out in order to be suggestive. 

Post # 18
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

Even if you are overreacting, I also think your feelings are totally legit. I’d feel disrespected and upset too. Maybe that’s insecure, but hey we’re all entitled to our feelings. I’d feel icked out if my Fiance was liking pics of scantily clad women on social media where my friends and family could see. It’s like a one-two punch, liking the pics in the first place and doing it publicly. Like it’s fine if you see a girl you find hot, we’re all human — but you don’t need to advertise it to me or anyone else I know. 

Post # 19
Member
4060 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Twice in 7 years is something to let go.

Post # 20
Member
9846 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

whitums :  You’re making assumptions. All OP said was this girl isn’t a model, she’s a mutual friend and she’s in a bikini. We have no context to say she’s doing any of the things you listed. 

Post # 21
Member
5575 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

whitums :  It is a bit of a stretch to assume she is posing suggestively just because she is in a bikini, nothing in OPs post points to that. 

Post # 22
Member
3677 posts
Sugar bee

slomotion :  

zzar45 :  I agree there’s no context in this particular situation, but to say unless her actual vagina is showing, it’s not sexual is silly. 

Post # 23
Member
9846 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

whitums :  You thought I was serious? And I also never said that’s the only way to be sexual. I just said I could see her point if it was something like that. 

But I also don’t view a woman’s body as sexual just because she’s wearing swimwear so unless it’s overt I have a hard time seeing a girl posing in a bikini sexual whether she strikes a cute pose or not.

Post # 24
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Mlim :  “the bees agreed it was disrespectful to like another women’s photos that are sexual publically”

Is the photo actually “sexual?” Because you just said it was a bikini pic. Those two are not necessarily the same thing. 

Post # 25
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

1. You trust him.

2. You’re okay with him going to strip clubs, which has girls who are wearing less than a bikini right in front of him. 

3. This is a mutual friend in a bikini. How is that different from hanging out with friends at a pool or lake or beach and they’re in a bikini? 

4. Now you’re throwing a fit because of another post which received more sympathetic comments because someone liked a sexual photo. Was this bikini photo sexual or was it just “I’m at the beach having fun!” photo? 

You are being insecure and paranoid. It’s easier to dismiss strippers in jealousy because they’re strangers. When it’s a mutual friend and they’re modeling a bikini (assumedly looking pretty hot), it’s easier to get jealous and feel insecure.

You’ve trusted him for 7 years. You kiss him, sleep with him. I’m assuming he shows you in person he thinks you’re beautiful and he loves you. So why are you jealous of him clicking a button on his phone? Even if he doesn’t go on social media all the time, he can go on once in a while and like a picture. FB also doesn’t show you everything he clicked “like” on.

My bf is not a social media person but goes on once a year or so. He can say someone he saw is beautiful or whatever to me and it doesn’t bother me because he loves me. We’re all human and we alll look and appreciate a good looking person. If it bothers you that much, talk to him. Don’t just expect people on this board to tell you what you want to hear. 

Post # 27
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Mlim :  I don’t think the bees’ views have changed drastically. I think your situation, as you’ve described it, isn’t the same as what many bees would agree is problematic.

1. This isn’t a pattern of behavior for your SO. Twice in 7 years is not something to get worked up about. If this was a constant issue in your relationship the advice would be different.

2. He’s not following random women and only liking pictures that are sexually suggestive. He liked a picture of a friend in a bikini. 

Post # 28
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You sound exhausting. 

ETA: Okay, maybe that’s too glib and harsh. But one thing, stop comparing your post to other posts. It could be a completely different situation, it could be a bee that has a history where other bees know background about her relationship, it could be a completely different group of people commenting and voting in the poll. I’m sorry you didn’t get the validation you were looking for, but maybe you should take that as a sign and give your poor boyfriend a break. He does seem to genuinely care that he hurt you, even if he didn’t think it would hurt you. Because, frankly, it’s a bit of a red flag (for him) that it did. 

Post # 29
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

 I’d be upset, too. And I do think that 99% of the time when people are posting bikini pics of themself online on social media, it’s because they think they look sexy. We can assume that since the o p has actually seen the pic and we have not, but it’s at least in the realm of sexy. Personally, I would be upset by this. It’s like publicly telling everyone, most especially friends and family, that your husband thinks this other girl is hot. Why do that? It just seems inappropriate. And you get to be hurt by whatever you’re hurt by. It’s not like you’re wanting to break up with him over this or anything. But, maybe a nice conversation about how you’d prefer he not like pictures such as these in the future would be a good idea. 

Post # 30
Member
9846 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

OP, what’s the context of the photo that was posted as I’m not clear on that?

Was the girl at a swimwear appropriate location wearing a bikini? Or was she just lounging around the house in a bikini in what some people might consider a suggestive pose? 

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