Post # 1
I realized this morning I really need people praying for me. The great thing about the bee is that it is anonymous. This is a prayer request I feel uncomfortable sharing with my friends personally.
I’ve been clinically depressed and dealing with several health issues all my life. It’s hard because these problems are something hardly anyone knows because I am so good at moving on with my life and keeping these things out of everyday conversation. I told myself years ago when I was diagnosed with these heart problems that I wouldn’t let it slow me down, so I haven’t. Lately I’ve developed pain along with other symptoms that my dr’s can do nothing about. It’s really getting me down and slowing me down and I’m having mobility troubles I haven’t told my teachers or classmates about yet. I have prayed for God to heal me but he hasn’t. Now I’m really struggling on staying afloat, not knowing how in the world I’m going to live the rest of my life in this pain if it doesn’t get better. There have been days when I am depressed and the pain seems too much. (I am already medicated for the depression)
As for the hurt, mad, bad choice part of my post title: FI’s family and some of our friends have been less than supportive. I don’t know how to not let this affect me as it hurts my feelings very much. It always goes something like this: I texted Future Sister-In-Law a week ago to tell her something about the wedding I thought she’d be excited about…. no response….. this morning FH texted her to ask her if she’d seen a tv show and she responds within the minute…. I don’t know why this is or what is going on with them but it really hurts. I’ve stopped reaching out to them since they don’t respond back and it seems they don’t want a relationship with me. So there’s the hurt… and the mad… and the bad choice usually follows by me saying something to FH out of the hurt, not wanting to speak to his family, etc. because of how they’ve rejected any attempts I’ve made of forming a relationship with them. (I know they are not the kind of people to NOT be excited for a wedding, mainly because of FH’s brother getting married next month and everyone in the family is thrilled and highly invovled)
I don’t know how to handle this. I am doing all I can physically for myself right now, the pain certainly isn’t helping the emotional situation with my future family. I’ve been praying for the wisdom and love to respect FH even though I’m hurt by his family right now. I know they mean a lot to him and don’t want to harm our relationship but I have no clue how to genuinely support his attempts to be involved with them when they exclude me. I have no idea what to do or where to find the love I need for these people! How do I just not let it bother me?
Post # 3
I’m so sorry you are in physical pain. I will pray for you, also in that regard.
As far as Fiance family, after you talk to him, how does he respond to you?
Post # 4
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I understand the depression thing, as well as the physical pain thing a little, I went through something similar a few years ago. And it really does color how you see everything else and makes it easier to get upset over things that you wouldn’t as much if you weren’t in pain.
I just read in a book, a priest said to someone who asked how she should handle people she feels hatred for. The priest said to try and find three positive things about each person and keep reminding yourself of them. I tried doing this with someone in my family that I find really hard work and I still haven’t thought of three things!! But generally speaking for most people, they do have a lot of positive qualities, it’s just hard to see them when you’re feeling mad at them. Just try and keep reminding yourself of their good points, and it’s not like you have to be their best friends or even spend that much time with them. Maybe also try talking to FH when you’re feeling calm and not emotional, and just ask whether his sister is having problems with her phone and you were wondering why she didn’t respond to your message. I doubt it’s anything personal, she may have just forgot but if it’s bothering you then definitely talk to FH about it. Even if you say something like ‘I know I’m being kind of dumb about this, but I’m feeling insecure about how your family treats me sometimes’ and hopefully he’ll give you reassurance. (by the way, i don’t think you’re being dumb but sometimes that’s a good way to phrase something to someone else!) good luck!!
Post # 5
I am sorry for your pain! The thing I have learned about prayer is that He does have a plan, he may pile things up so high you think you can’t get out. He is listening and He will help. In the words of one of my favorite songs, “hold on, change is comin.” I think it might help if you don’t think about living the rest of your life in pain and just take it day by day. Thinking of being in pain for the rest of your life will burden you.
I’m not sure what advice to give about your FH’s family. I know my FI’s family isn’t as excited about the wedding as I am either.
Post # 6
After talking to FH, he has told me he knows it hurts me and it hurts him too that they are like this. He has talked to his parents about this once but nothing has changed. He responds by trying to comfort me most of the time.
Post # 7
I’ll be sure to keep you in my prayers. I’ll not only pray for your physical health, but for you in general. I know what it’s like to constantly reach out to people and be rejected time after time. It’s not a good feeling at all, but we are the type of people with big enough hearts to continually forgive people, so we keep trying. Things will get better for you, I’m sure of it.
Post # 8
@SimplyChic11: Thank goodness he is supportive!
No longer try to involve these people if this is the reaction they want to give you. It is sapping your mental energy and you need all the energy you can get right now. If they have reason for disliking you, you are not a mind reader and I hope fiance gets some answers for you, one day. As for right now, just expect them to show up at the wedding and nothing more. You have every reason to try to involve them but it seems they have no interest for whatever reason. You also have every reason to discuss it with your fiance so don’t feel badly about that either. Do not let them sap you of your emotional strength and energy. (And big hugs!)
Post # 9
If I lived near you I would love to meet up and give you a shoulder to cry on, a person to be vulnerable with, and lay hands on you with prayer. Im so sorry you are not only in pain physically but emotionally and spiritually as well.
Please definitely tell your teachers and any classmates you are friends with etc. God forbid your doctors are missing something and you do get into trouble, they will have no clue what to do or how serious it is.
I’m sorry that you have prayed to God but don’t feel an immediate healing. God is not quite the genie in a bottle type, his plan for you is more vast and deep than you can ever imagine! He knows how many hairs you have on your head and all of you thoughts and desires. Pleaes PM me if you want me to pray for some specific things and also where you can connect to some other great sources of prayer, wisdom and encouragement.
It is heartbreaking when you love someone and their loved ones don’t connect with you. I am sorry you have to be in the middle of a horrible mess that leads you to say things you don’t mean and add to tons of emotional baggage.
Just know that you are in the middle of a storm but the clouds are clearing ahead. You will look back at yourself 5 years, and the problems you are struggling with today will be like a spec of dust in the continuum of your beautiful life.
Post # 10
I am praying for you. 🙂 I’m sorry you are hurting. I think you can genuinely support Fiance in his relationships with his family simply because you love him and want him to be happy. Find the love for them in the way they support your Fiance.
If they include you, too, that is great, but perhaps try not to expect it if they have been slow to do so in the past, if at all. Maybe it is indeed his brother’s wedding so soon that is a huge distraction to them now. If you can’t get close to his whole family, maybe you can find one family member that is the likeliest candidate to get to know better.
If that still won’t work, here’s a great phrase: “Don’t shop for kiwis in a shoe store.” You are expecting inclusion from his family, as well you should, but they are not giving it to you in the form you seek. So be happy with what you do have, be cordial to them at family gatherings and get involved in something separate that you love to do.
Post # 11
Thank you for all the love and prayers. I didn’t expect so much support and it means the world to me to know you all don’t know me in person but care so much!
Post # 12
I’m definitely praying for you, dear girl. In terms of the complications with FI’s family, there’s no easy solution. My best advice is to just keep being a loving fiancee and a positive person toward your FI’s family. I have no idea why they aren’t acting warm to you as they should, but you can at least try to be the “bigger person” so to speak, and maybe they will come around thanks to your efforts. If not, a conversation may be in order with your Fiance. Because while his family is very important, you are about to be his wife. You will become his primary family. And he needs to support you and defend you and help encourage his family’s inclusion of you.
Post # 13
I will pray for you! I understand that it can be hard when you are constantly praying for healing. My daughter has special needs and we are always praying for her. I know that God will heal her but it will be in His time, not mine. Try to stay positive and whenver you have doubt and a hard day look up because God is there watching over you. 🙂
Post # 14
You are in my prayers girl! Just keep your head up, the Lord has a plan for you, if you just trust him and have faith he will lead you to strength and ultimate happiness. The bible says that the Lord wants us to be joyful – being happy even when things arent so great. Remember that!
Post # 15
The work of Jesus is the revelation of your value… When you celebrate God the world changes. Celebrate the work of Jesus in your life. Put your attention on what God has done, rather than on what He hasn’t. Choose to celebrate that God is a healer, a restorer, & that Jesus is savior.
Post # 16
@SimplyChic11: I’ll pray for you, though I strongly encourage you to seek fellowship among your peers. FI’s pastor just did a three week series on healing. I’ll try to get the notes from Future Sister-In-Law. I have one of the audio cd’s and Future Mother-In-Law has the other two. I could try to make copies and send them to you? They are very powerful, and I think you should hear them.
And I’m sorry your feelings have been hurt by FI’s family. I’m glad he’s been supportive to you though. I can only hope that they will change in the coming years. Good luck.