Post # 1
My sister recently got engaged and I thought that she would probably ask me to be in her bridal party. I wasn’t expecting to be Maid/Matron of Honor but I thought at least a bridesmaid because I’m her only sibling, we’ve always gotten along, and when I got married, she was my witness (we didn’t do a bridal party but I wanted her to have a role).
She didn’t really talk to me about it, I just found out that I’m not being asked to be in the party because she and my mom started complaining to me about drama between two of her friends who both want to be Maid/Matron of Honor. My mom also said that my sister’s fiance wanted 5 groomsmen, but my sister made him reduce his number to 4 because she only had 4 women to be her bridesmaids. Plus she was complaining that one of her best friends would have been a bridesmaid but can’t attend.
I really wouldn’t mind if she were just doing a small party with her two besties or something, but I felt so hurt that she is having a big party but wouldn’t want me in it, even when they needed an extra person. Isn’t it kind of weird that she wouldn’t include her only sister in the party, or do you think that’s normal?
I haven’t told her I’m upset because I don’t want to pressure her, but I wish that she and my mom would at least have the consideration to stop talking about her party drama in front of me.
Post # 2
Maybe she didn’t want to bother you with all the drama and expense of being in a wedding. Or perhaps because you were already married and she’s thinking it should just be her single friends. I’m sure she didn’t mean to offend you. Try talking to her. She may have just thought you wouldn’t be interested in it.
Post # 3
Are you an older sister? I know at least a dozen older sisters this happened to- they made the little sister a bridesmaid but the little sister didn’t return the favor. None of us understand wtf these little sisters were thinking, it’s pretty selfish. I guess a lot of little siblings take family relationships for granted.
Post # 4
Yes, I’m 6 years older than her, and I feel like I try to make an effort for us to be closer, but she has always been more interested in her friends. For example, I hosted Christmas a few years ago and I really worked hard to plan things she would enjoy, but she was just on her phone chatting with her friends the entire visit and would barely respond when I tried to talk to her. That sort of thing. I would like for us to be more involved with each other’s lives but I guess she isn’t really interested. :-/
Thanks for telling me you know other people it’s happened to, that makes me feel better
Post # 5
I understand you feeling hurt, that sucks bee and I’m sorry. I don’t understand why having family in the wedding party should be obligatory though. I actually asked not to be a bridesmaid in my sister’s wedding but my mother guilted me into doing it anyways.
I’m on the other side, I’m a little sister who will not be asking her older sister to be in her wedding party despite being a bridesmaid in both her previous wweddings.My sister is 11 years old than I am has four children and lives a very different life than I do. I want my wedding party to be my best friends, the girls I am close to who will make my day fun and laid back and due to both age difference and experience as her bridesmaid, I don’t think that will be the case with her.
Post # 6
em514 : That does seem surprising bee, and I would be hurt too. I guess I wouldn’t ask her about it, but I would definitely take it (along with the other things you’ve shared) to mean that she isn’t interested in a closer relationship. It’s kind of sad, but now you know and can focus on the family you choose, ie friends.
Post # 7
I wish people would stop defending and coming up with possible excuses for brides who pull this kind of shit, because there’s no excuse for it. OP, I’m sorry your sister is such a clueless thoughtless human.
Post # 8
em514 : I’m so sorry bee , in my case I’m a little sister with 3 older sisters and asked them all to be in my wedding. I feel it makes more sense to have family in your bridal party because they love and support you the most. I can not imagine being so selfish and not asking any of my sisters to be my bridesmaids. Seriously your her big sister and I would be hurt as well by this , there is honestly no excuse for this.. learn from this little sister bees!
Post # 9
I’m going to disagree with the consensus here and say that your sister is not being selfish by not asking you to be part of her bridal party. Wedding parties are not tit for tat and just because you invited her does not mean she must invite you. Wedding parties are supposed to contain the people the bride and groom feel closest to. As much as you wish this was the case, your sister does not consider you to be one of the people who is the biggest influence to her. She might feel that she’ll be happier on her wedding day sharing her moment with her besties.
You’re 6 years older than her, she probably doesn’t feel like she can connect with you and relax the same way she can with her friends. And that’s fine. You’re her sister, not her friend. You have your own role in her life.
Post # 10
sunburn : Sorry but that is bs. It is not clueless or thoughtless to choose not to include a sibling in your bridal party. It is clueless and selfish to think that being related to someone means they are obligated to include you in their wedding party.
I had those that I was closest to in my wedding party, you know since it was my wedding party. If someone is so selfish that they need to make my wedding party choices about them then that just proves I made the right choice to not include them.
Post # 11
If there is no horrible rift and there’s a wedding party, I think it’s a gracious and appropriate gesture to include a sister. I would be hurt, too.
What I find really sad is when brides base it on what they think the wedding party will or can do for them or who they would rather party with.
Post # 12
j_jaye : I do think it’s pretty selfish not to include your only sibling in your wedding party, barring any egregious behavior on their part. But I knew someone would come along to say it’s all about meeeee, the bride, my choice, the hell with anyone else and their feelings. Thanks for not disappointing me.
Post # 13
sunburn : A bridal party is about the only place where yes it is about the bride. It is supposed to be about the people the bride see’s as the people closest to her and who have supported her to the point of marrying the person they love. The position is infact honouring that.
So this has zero to do with all about me behaviour and more about honouring people in the brides life.
It is also highly hypocritical to suggest that the bride needs to forget about her own feelings in order to make someone a bridal party member in order to not hurt their feelings. How about the person that feels entitled to being a bridal party member stops and thinks about the brides feelings?
Again I say if you can’t look past your own feelings and realise that someone else’s bridal party choices usually have nothing to do with you, then you are selfish. But of course it is hardly suprising that there are entitled people out there that feel they are owed something just because they are related. Thanks for not disappointing.
Post # 14
I don’t think that “we’ve always gotten along” is criteria for a bridal party. If you have to try to get closer then you are not close, which means you don’t belong in each other’s bridal parties .
Post # 15
em514 : Have you expressed to her explicitly that you’d like to be closer? It may not matter as far as the bridal party choices right now, but maybe she honestly doesn’t realize you would like to have more of a relationship?
I’m 6 years older than my sister and it’s just the two of us. We fought all the time when we were little and I basically wanted nothing to do with her because she was my “annoying little sister.” Once she got older we had much more in common and started talking and hanging out more. We talk on the phone or text every day now, and we live 2 hours apart but when I go “home” I usually stay with her or at least see her, and she comes to visit me and Darling Husband and stays with us. I don’t recall specificially telling her I wanted to be closer, it just happened, but that might not be what works in your case if she’s not picking up on your desires.
Like I said, it may not mean you’re going to be a bridesmaid, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a conversation about wanting to build your relationship.