Hurt my sister didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid

posted 6 months ago in Parties
Post # 31
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

You can certainly be hurt, particularly if you want a closer relationship with her, but she is not wrong at all. I think from what you’ve said that you have tried many times to be closer to her and she hasn’t put the same effort (e.g. the Christmas story) which says to me she doesn’t feel the need for your relationship to be closer. Sucks, but it looks like that’s the way it is.

And in general, you absolutely do not have to put your siblings in your wedding party just because you share blood, that’s one of the most ridiculous things I’ve read here. It’s not something you should choose out of respect for their arbitrary title in your life… your wedding party should be chosen based on one thing only.. your relationship with them and how close you feel/the people you truly want standing up with you on your wedding day.

Post # 32
565 posts
Busy bee

MrsWiggles :  “OP is pretty much stomping her foot saying “why didn’t you pick meeeeeee?!”“


Where is she doing this? Seriously, where? I feel like OP is pretty much just trying to process her hurt feelings, which she’s entitled to. 

Post # 33
402 posts
Helper bee

I’ve heard about the little sister/older sister dynamic from a younger sibling who said it was hard always growing up competing but being in the shadows of the older sibling, so maybe when it’s the younger sister’s wedding day, the last thing she wants (subconsciously or not) is to worry about being overshadowed by her big sister. Hence, no big sisters allowed.

Or, she doesn’t feel as close to you as you feel to her…that’s no unheard of either. 

Either way, I honestly wouldn’t talk to her about it. Either she’ll add you to the party because you asked or she’ll take you trying to get closer as a soft approach ask to being in the party. It’s her wedding day, she gets to pick who she wants…

Post # 34
3880 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m sorry, I would be upset too. I think if siblings get along reasonably well they should be included where possible. 

Post # 35
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

j_jaye :  I 100% agree with you.

Nobody is entitled to be in someone’s wedding regardless of their position as a friend or family. My sister never supported my relationship with my now husband but as soon as we got engaged she felt entitled to be part of my small ceremony that I could only have a few people for instead of paying a venue fee. Guess who I chose? My parents and my best friends who have supported us since day 1. So it’s BS to sit here and judge and act like a bride is going all bridezilla just because she didn’t pick her sister. Some posts on here are just way out of pocket. There is like literally something to be offended by on here no matter what. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. 

Post # 36
2346 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

happiekrappie :  There is no objectivity if itself being viewed based on feelings and being hurt. That’s subjective.  The only objective thing I can agree is that it IS hurtful to talk about it in front of her the way they did. Her actually not choosing her may be hurtful but thinking that is viewing it objectively is not true. My little sister is 11 years younger than me and I fully expect her to choose her friends if and when she ever gets married without being offended because I’m not self centered about HER wedding and choices. How hurtful are people who elope and nobody gets to attend? At least she is invited to the wedding. 

Post # 37
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

VintageGirl1020es                :  I agree she is being selfish by not asking her sister to be in the bridal party esp since they are close and it’s her only sister but I disagree that fanily always loves yoh and supportd you the most in a lot of cases that may be true but sometimes people have extremely close friends who become family who also love them unconditionally like I can tell you for a fact that my best friend of 20 years and I love each other unconditionally and care for eachother just like family. For some people friends are the family that you choose for yourself

Post # 38
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I’d ask her what’s up with that. It’s your sister you should be able to voice your feelings. I know the general rule is to not bother the bride with those things, but seriously… bottling up feelings is rarely the right thing to do between family and friends.

Post # 39
9728 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

em514 :  I dunno about your sister but from the little I’ve read she kind of sounds like my  little brother, who is 6 years younger than me.  My brother isn’t a bad kid per se.. he is just.. he takes it for granted people will do things for him, but would never think to reciprocate without it being asked of him explicitly.  He almost never stops to think about others… It just doesn’t occur to him. He is too used to being taken care of/babied and having zero responsibility.

It makes me think your sister doesn’t realize that talking about how she was short a bridesmaid infront of you is hurtful.  It’s not an attempt to be mean and definitely not to say she doesn’t love you.. she just isn’t stopping to think.

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