(Closed) hurtful comment from friend

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How do I handle bridesmaid's comment?
    Say something yourself : (26 votes)
    38 %
    Pretend it did not happen : (33 votes)
    49 %
    Let other bridesmaid say something : (5 votes)
    7 %
    Other (please explain) : (4 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 4
    62 posts
    Worker bee

    Her comment didn’t even make sense. If you’re bothered by it, ask her what she meant by it. The sooner you clear the air, the sooner you two can be friends again with no hard feelings or grudges.

    Post # 5
    195 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would be really hurt by that e-mail as well, and I think for the sake of our friendship, I would have to say something.  Your friend should be happy for you.  You weren’t gloating or rubbing it in their face (from the sounds of it), you were sharing with them a happy moment and one of them, who already had their happy moment, was being quite rude.  I wouldn’t send a group response or anything.  I would call her and ask her what that e-mail is all about.  She probably will feel very awkward and not know what to say, but she shouldn’t say stuff like that.  I would need to talk to her about it because otherwise it would eat me up. 

    Post # 6
    426 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Let it go. Know that it comes from her being jealous and lashing out. Making a bigger deal of it won’t really solve anything. Be a friend and move past it.

    Post # 7
    744 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    She is probably just jealous that her turn is over. Let it go,saying something would just make it worse.

    Post # 8
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    I said I would say something myself, but we are all different. If you don’t want to bring it up that’s ok, and you don’t have to. I would just want to make sure that just because you’re not bringing it up doesn’t mean you’re harboring bad feelings about what she said. I suggest trying to move past it and figure out for yourself why she would say that. Sometimes understanding people’s behavior can help us move past it, and I’m guessing that salvaging a friendship with this person is what you want to do.

    Could she be jealous that your wedding was in a magazine and hers wasn’t? Could she be jealous that you got things in your wedding that she wanted and didn’t get to have? Jealousy causes some weird actions, and by no means does it mean that was she said was ok. I would be so hurt and frankly pissed at her for saying that, that I would have to say something in order to get it out and it would probably end the friendship or something. But that’s not for everyone. Go with your heart and whatever works for you. I’m sorry she said that to you. Good luck!

    Post # 9
    565 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    i can understand why you’re upset about the comment, but i’d probably just shrug it off.  if you’re really bothered by it, then ask her what she meant by it.

    Post # 11
    923 posts
    Busy bee

    That is a really good point, maybe it is something else entirely. What about saying something like to her in a kind and loving way:

    “You know that email you sent out was very uncharacteristic of you, and I can’t help but get the feeling that you’re feeling something or going through something right now that you might need to talk about. I was really hurt by that comment, but I know you’re a really good friend and would never mean to hurt me, is there anything you want to talk about? Or anything I can do for you right now?”


    Post # 12
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I would ignore the comment and then keep my distance from her

    Post # 13
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    Honestly, I would be concerned about why someone I consider a friend would say something like that to me.  It was a very strange comment.  I would absolutely talk to her about it–not in an accusatory way, but more like: “I felt really hurt when I read your email and I’m wondering if you’re upset about something or if something is going on that I don’t know about, because a comment like that seems out of the blue.”  That way, you’re not accusing her of anything, but you’re letting her know that she hurt your feelings and you care enough to try and figure out what’s up.  I wouldn’t just let something like that go, because I would never speak to a friend that way, and I expect the same in return.

    Post # 15
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t think it is necessarily even a mean comment, or that it even has anything to do with you.  If she is disappointed about her wedding not seeming as nice as yours, that is her own insecurity- it has nothing to do with you.  Plus, the wedding is over.  I say chose your battles, let this one go.

    If you want to address it, be straightforward and ask her yourself:

    “What was with that comment?  Do you feel your wedding wasn’t nice?”

    It is pretty weird though, so I would probably just ignore her and keep my distance.  It sounds like she wants attention, so sometimes giving it attention only feeds it.

    Post # 16
    5993 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    “That’s nice. If my parents were loaded maybe I would be sending out the pictures.”

    i dont even understand the point of her comment – does she mean she expected a printed copy and not a scanned email???  weird

    let it go – who knows what sort of lousy day she had – we all have days when the keyboard/mouth is activated before the brain


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