(Closed) Hurtful question for FFIL to ask?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d be upset, but granted, keep in mind as a father, your Future Father-In-Law is just trying to look out for his son. It’s great that you Fiance is supportive of you and vocal to his father about this. Give it time, with your Fiance “having your back” and his parents seeing how great you two are together, they will come around.

Post # 5
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Bah! Ignore the old man or he’ll really get under your skin and turn it around on you. I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t control how anyone treats you, but you can control how you react. I personally think he’s tactless and insulting. What I hate most is his assumptions without even knowing the facts – there’s always people like that in this world, and unfortunately, sometimes you have to deal with it. 

HUGS!

Post # 6
Member
12953 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was going to agree with Olive, until I saw your ages.  You clearly are an adult and can make your own decisions.  I tihnk what your Future Father-In-Law said is out of line, and you do have a reason to be upset.  Is there any way you can confront him and see what the issues are stemming from?  Or is it best to ignore it, hope for the best, and just continue on the path of seeing them as infrequently as possible?  Whatever you decide, I hope it’s the right choice and things work out for the best for you.

Post # 8
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@TheMsMittens: At first I thought it was strange, but assumed that perhaps you got engaged when he was 18/19/20 and the Future Father-In-Law was “protecting” his son. With both of you being in your early 40’s, I think you have EVERY RIGHT to feel insulted. You both are clearly not immature, unaware of what you are doing, and I would hope that your Fiance would be old enough to know whether engagement and marriage is the step he wants to take!

I guess the good news is it sounds like your Future Father-In-Law isn’t so upset about you, as he is worried his son is naieve. He thinks his son is going to get caught up by someone after his money, that his son is going to support you and you won’t work, and that his son proposed to a woman he might not love. I see this as almost more insulting to your Fiance than yourself.

In the end, be angry, throw some pillows, scream a bit and then smile, knowing that you clearly know their son better than they do. You know he loves you, that he is supporting you through sickness, that he defends you to his parents and that he is a strong man who knows what he wants and won’t let others influance him.

Post # 9
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I understand why you are upset, however, I don’t think when you’re parent it matters how old your children are. You still feel like they are your child and need your protecting. Asking questions, albeit inappropriate at times, is a parents job. Wanting to make sure your children are happy, healthy, and making the best decisions is your job, and most parents will do it regardless of how old their child is.

Post # 10
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@TheMsMittens: It seems we have a few things in common. Edited for privacy.

Post # 12
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If your Future Father-In-Law is so worried about losing his precious money to a gold digger, then he should just make sure his son isn’t receiving any money from him (not that your Fiance isn’t already self-supporting anyway).  

Is it possible for the two of you to just spend time with your FI’s mother?  It doesn’t sound like she’s acting in a way to drive her son away.  And even though it’s technically against etiquette, I TOTALLY wouldn’t invite his father to the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@TheMsMittens: I’m sorry to hear this! Your FFIL’s reaction would make way more sense if you were not both clearly adults. In this case, I agree with the other PP, just ignore it unless it somehow is spiraling out of control. There are just really mean people who will be just miserable no matter how hard you try. Good luck!

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