- 5 years ago
Hi all. I’ll say the short-ish version and then I”ll elaborate. My Fiance and I have a great relationship. He’s devoted and seems that he’d do anything for me. There is one issue that brought some doubts for me, twice. The latest was today. One of his friends is a Trump supporter, while I’m definitely not one. We were in the car with my teenage son, who made a joke about my Fiance being friends with a Trump supporter. In response, I said/joke hahaha and he also agrees with him. Because my Fiance seems, based on what I hear from him, more of a right wing than left wing, all while claiming to be apolitical. Anyway, he was bothered that I said that and started to say that he’s not agreeing with his friend, and that I”m making it up in my head. I said “I am just saying this based on what I heard you say, why would I make it up?”. To which he says “Because youre a hmhmhm…?”
I was taken aback. After we got home and my son got in the house I said “sweetie did you just call me a bitch?”. And he said “no, I just implied it”. I said “why?”. He said “because you keep making fun of me and being mean to me”. I apologized for “being mean”, said it wasn’t my intention and I promised not to call him a Trump supporter again (although nobody will convince me that’s he’s a liberal).
It all started in December last year when we went on vacation with this group of friends’ of his. We’ve now been together close to 2 years, it was about 1.5 years then. First morning at breakfast at the hotel, this Trump supporter friend, started to needle me for being a liberal (I’m a college professor and that’s where he started from the “crazy liberal professors”). I engaged in some heated debating. Throughout the vacation my now Fiance treated me distant, with contempt (rolling his eyes) and overall not loving, which shocked me because it was the first time it happened. I talked to him about it, I insisted on the contempt, how I really do not tolerate contempt. I then started to have doubts about him, I was very hurt.
In January though, we got engaged. Relationships is great, we just don’t talk politics. Until last night, when the same friend started his political rants in my house. I kept quiet, didn’t say a word. I let others debate. Fiance was also quiet. Then he asked me why I was quiet and I brought up how debating politics with his friends last time can lead to me getting upset and raising my voice, and last time that seemed to make him mad and not treat me very nice. He did not admit that he treated me less than nice when I spoke up, although we had quite a fight about it then and I…bitched a lot about his treatment. And then today it happened what I said above. Called me a “hmmmhmhm” and admitted that he was calling me a “bitch”.
He’s never done that before but apparently politics (or something) trigger him. I am confused now. Should I be mad? Should I let it go? Should I talk to him about it? I apologized for doing whatever he perceived I was doing and I think what I want to do is to never discuss anything political. Who cares anyway? I can’t change what happens. I’ll vote and that’s it. But I”m worried. Is this a bad sign for our future marriage? I don’t want to end up being called names when we fight in the future.