Post # 1
I am totally appalled at my future family in law. When we announced our engagement, the level of support was amazing, and everyone was so excited for us. We sent out our invitations. and received many yes reply’s for our ceremony (part 1 of our two part process). Now, all of her family, minus her mother and sister, have changed their minds about coming to the ceremony on Saturday.
Her other siblings gave lame excuses, her best friend said that she does not travel unless someone is giving her a ride(wtf?!?) and a host of other excuses ensued. My Fiance is totally heart broken to know that no one will be there, besides two people, out of her pretty large family. To boot, her mother told her yesterday that she would not be able to come to the house early to help her get dressed because she has to make sure that everyone is settled before she leaves.
Just in case you guys were wondering, a little background. My Fiance is one of 5 children-the most independent and responsible one of all, and the oldest girl. Her older brother can do no wrong, and is treated like a prince constantly to the point that it is sickening. Her younger siblings are also hand fed every step of the way, so now you see what I am dealing with here, hence her mother’s reason to make sure everything is settled. These people are freaking adults.
Back to the story. So Fiance is so very sad, that not only is her family not coming to the ceremony, but now she has no one to help her get dressed. My mother, who is totally awesome, has so graciously offered to step in and be there for both of us on our wedding day. I am not the type of person to get upset about this, because the spotlight does not have to be on me. I love that my mother offered to do this, and that validates even more that she considers her her daughter now.
I want to call her whole family and tell them how they are a bunch of losers, but I am going to stay out of it. It makes me sad when she is hurting, and the protective instinct kicks in.
Just needed to vent my frustrations, and any feedback is greatly appreciated.
Post # 3
WOW….hugs to you and your Fiance. I think that you are awesome for backing her up and supporting her at a time like this. kudos to your mom too. I hope that everyone changes their minds and show up for her!! They are all being spoiled and need to think about how this is making her feel. Keep us updated.
Post # 4
Well, two is better than nothing! Plus it sounds like she marrying into an awesome family! Just take her aside and do something to make her feel special to you. Do something everyday and I’m sure she will have a great time at your wedding.
Of course she will be mad and hurt afterwards at her family, but those are things she will need to work out later. Do everything possible to make her wedding the best day of her life and to be happy to be married to you.
Post # 5
Thanks guys. Such great words of wisdom. I will try my best to make our day super special for her.
Post # 6
I’m sorry, they sound like huge punks for doing this. Not fair at all, especially last minute =(
Post # 7
I’m so sorry you two are going through this. It seems strange that they all did a 180.
I agree with people above! I wish you two a wonderful wedding day.
Post # 8
aww makes me want to cry 🙁 I would seriously pray for them I know anger and that protective is initial but they must needs some of Gods love 🙂 Just continue to be the awesome guy it sounds like you are being and support her. Tell her how beautiful she is and how much she means to you 🙂 Maybe you could do something special for her? Nicec dinner candle lit or her favorite ice cream and her favorite movie? Just comfort things.. Goodlck families are hard especially when they are not your own. She sounds like a very strong woman she will be ok what that day matters most about is the two of you 🙂 just make sure to stick by her side
Post # 9
Oh no, I’m so sorry! I don’t understand why they were supportive in the beginning but flipped the script so close to the day, what a horrible thing to do to someone you’re supposed to love. I feel terrible for your Fiance 🙁 I hope you both have a beautiful day despite them. I bet one day they’ll regret not being there.
Post # 10
I’m sorry you are having to deal with an extreme lack of support. Kudos to your mom, though. Sounds like your family is able to step in in ways that your IL’s haven’t been. Not trying to toot my own horn but my family had to step in with DH so I know how it feels to have your SO deal with this in a way. My family was also annoyed so I had 1 person to get ready with the day of and it all worked out.
Either way, this day is about you two and the people that will show up Saturday are people who love and support you! Just focus on each other, those that are there and enjoy the heck out of each other. Don’t pay them any mind.
Post # 11
Wow. What a bunch of jerks! You are probably right not to tell them what you think of them just yet. I’m sorry her family is not taking this as seriously as they should. Too bad people can be so heartless! Thanks goodness she has you and the couple of family members who really care and your mom.
Try to convince her that she is the luckiest girl in the world because of those few people. Some people don’t have anyone who cares that much. She is lucky to have you and you are both lucky to have such a great mom to step up and pick up the slack!
Post # 12
I’m sorry you two are going through this right now. My best friends got married last year, and I know that for them, the emotional aspects of the wedding were really amplified by self-doubt. While every bride gets a little emotional about someone not taking their wedding seriously, it’s especially tough when it makes you wonder, “do they take my relationship seriously? do they take ME seriously?”
Just from reading your description, my guess is that your future wife’s family is not so much rejecting your relationship or her identity, but just being self-absorbed jerks. That is small comfort, that your family is inconsiderate louts, not homophobes, but my guess is that you are both overly familiar with that side of them at this point. Don’t let it also undercut your confidence in yourselves.
Post # 13
You guys are simply the best. All of your kind words are so wonderful. Thank you sooooooo much.
Post # 14
no feed back other than to say, yes, it sucks.
my parents didn’t come to my first wedding and it hurt. I had to move past the hurt eventually realizing that it wasn’t that they didnt love me, it was that they were brought up with different ideas, etc.
but it doesn’t sound as though her family is not going for that reason.
to not be there for her special day is so cruel. I’m so sorry.
on a happy note, this weekend is supposed to be picture perfect here in the NYC area!!!
Post # 15
Is their any friends that are not in the wedding party that are comming that might be able to come and help? She will hurt no matter what happens but with the support and love of you, your family, and friends she will make it through. Just let her know you are there for her.
Post # 16
Wow, that might be one of the saddest things I’ve ever heard. Why are they all of the sudden doing this to her? Do you think they are doing it because it’s a same-sex wedding and therefore they don’t think it’s as big a deal (*disclaimer- I ask this ONLY because one of my sisters is gay, and engaged, and as seemingly “supportive” as people are, they simply don’t take her engagement as seriously as they do a heterosexual relationship- and it pisses me off).
Regardless of their reasoning, I think you and your Mom are incredible people and I know you will be there to make this day special for her. Is there any way your Fiance can talk to her Mom about how devastated she is- and maybe explain to her Mom, that she, as a bride, needs her Mom to be there to help her on her wedding day? I would think that any Mom would understand how important that is to a girl, but maybe it would help if she spelled it out for her Mom so she gets it.
Anyway, I hope the weather is beautiful on Saturday and that you have the ceremony of your dreams. Congratulations and be sure to post pics!