Husban gaining SO much weight. Not attracted to him anymore

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4325 posts
Honey bee

annabeth929 :  Actually I wouldn’t. We can say all we want about  the horrors of fat shaming, but the fact is that some people are turned off by it – like the OP. An attractive spouse is good, like it or not. We cry abuse way too often here. When you can’t be honest about what you are and are not attracted to without being called an abuser, we’ve gone way too far.

Post # 17
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

  hikingbride :  That’s really beautiful bee, congrats on your weight loss and supportve husband <3

Post # 18
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

annabeth929 :  No, I wouldn’t. Weight gain and unhealthy eating habits shouldn’t be the elephant in the room- regardless of the genders involved. If I took up smoking or started drinking too much, no-one would blame my partner for expressing concern for my physical and emotional well-being. So why should worrying about heart attack, stroke & diabetes be any different just because it’s tied up in physical appearance? Unhealthy starts on the inside and IMO it’s important to address. 

Post # 19
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I have been through something similar. Within the first year of dating FH suffered an eye injury and the prospect of losing his vision and dealing with single eyed blindness caused him to spiral into a depression where he neglected his appearance and gained a significant amount of weight. It was hard. Very hard. It was difficult feeling like I couldn’t talk about it with anyone without feeling like a total bitch. Here’s the thing though… I loved him through it and he eventually snapped out of it. 

Weight and appearance are touchy subjects and you promised to love your husband for better or worse. He’s aware of his weight gain, trust me. 

I wish that I had advice for you, there really is nothing you can do but suggest activities you guys can do together (hiking, biking, exploring your city by foot) and hope for the best. 

Post # 20
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

Good luck, I know how hard this is.  My ex was the same height and gained about 50 pounds in one year due to switching from an active job to an office job.  I tried to get him to change from every possible angle, but years and went by and he never got the motivation to stick to a diet.  It was difficult because I was no longer nearly as attracted to him because he went from extremely fit to overweight.  Our relationship definitely suffered because of it.  

Post # 22
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

annabeth929 :  Well, that’s the thing: Maybe Bees SHOULDN’T get so upset when/if men come here and are upset about their ladies gaining weight. Maybe it’s legitimate to want and need to feel attracted to your partner, and maybe it’s also legitimate not to be attracted to certain things, such as obesity or serious acne or blonde hair. It isn’t necessarily shallow, and I don’t think OP is being shallow either. 

OP, since he’s not taking your perspective seriously, I think it’s high time you told him the whole truth about not being attracted to him. He needs to know that this is seriously affected your marriage. 

Post # 23
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You are not wrong to feel what you feel, but still, please play it nice. If my Darling Husband told me he no longer attracted to me because of my weight, I’ll be flipping out!! You are not his mother but you are his wife. Let him know and help him, drag his butt if you need to lol. No one likes to be called fat and ugly.

Post # 24
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Nothing will work until HE is ready to lose the weight.  He knows he has gained the weight and the doctor has told him his blood pressure is high, so you can’t tell him anything that he doesn’t already know. 

 

  

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