Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
Hey there y’all, just needed some advice
As a newlywed, one of the hardest thing to get used to is random jokes between couple.
I have always been known to be sensitive. However my husband comes from a family that love to roast each other for fun and make jokes constantly.
I have stated to him I’m not the type to joke about and he agrees and keeps it limited. But sometimes it can happen randomly for example recently I commented that his feet massage was not that great today, and he replied okay sorry, keep your nasty crinkly feet from me in joking voice.
Immediately I got self conscious and asked wait are my feet nasty to you? (Because he always gives me feet massages and I was worried he disliked it) He said all feet are nasty. Next morning I constantly kept bringing it up and he said it was joke and he regrets saying it and he apologized.
I don’t want him to feel like his walking around egg shells with his words. Am I being too sensitive? I’m pregnant so I’m not sure if this hormones. But it still keeps replaying in my mind. How do spouses forgive and forget if the joke hurt them?
Post # 2
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
Did he never tell jokes before?
Post # 3
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
Surely he’s like this a lot?
Whats the differece between dating couples making jokes and ‘husband and wife jokes’?
Do you have a problem knowing when anyone is joking?
If he’s taking it too far and verging on being nasty then that’s a problem but this doesn’t sound like that if I’m honest. You were being petty complaining about his daily foot massage and he was sarcastic back.
Post # 4
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
He was probably a little miffed that you told him his (definitely non-mandatory and not common) daily foot massage was not up to par.
Post # 5
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
Sounds like you criticized him first, and he felt defensive and cracked a negative joke about you in response/retaliation. Perhaps you hurt his feelings? Are you guys often kind of passive-aggressive with each other?
(BTW, if DH gave me daily foot massages, I’d be counting my lucky stars, not complaining about substandard effort! And it would earn him a fair bit of leeway in terms of cracking feet jokes, as long as he kept up the massages.)
Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
I think most people marry people they’re compatible with. Sounds like you aren’t compatible on this level with him. Not sure what advice to give. But I do question why you’re asking now, and why you wouldn’t have questioned this while you were engaged or dating? Surely he’s been like this all along. Did you never have these conversations before? Sounds unfair to him at this point. Unless this is new behavior?
Post # 7
Member
5020 posts
Bee Keeper
I don’t think its all that uncommon for people to respond to honest, critical feedback with sarcasm or a joke because being a recipient of such is hard and uncomfortable. I think this has less to do with joking and more with how the two of you communicate with one another. Perhaps your delivery of honest feedback and his response could use an extra dose of sensitivity so not to hurt anyone’s feelings.
In my opinion this is such a minor offense and should be easily forgiven by both you and your husband. The best thing to do is to discuss your feelings and determine how you can communicate better in the future.
ETA: MANY people have an aversion to feet so I would not take it so personally. The first time I ever asked DH for a foot massage his response took me by surprise, he wasn’t very welcoming to the idea. I immediately laughed because I was taken back. I mean, my feet are clean and well pedicured but that wasn’t the point. The point was many people simply don’t like feet and thats okay, I prefer a back massage any day!
Post # 8
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
You get daily foot massages?! Impressed and a touch envious 🙂
Post # 9
Member
4953 posts
Honey bee
Lots of people think feet are ugly.
You gave completely unsolicited feedback that the completely optional loving, caring act he performed out of the goodness of his heart to make you feel more comfortable wasn’t up to par this time? Personally, I think the level of your ingratitude here is the far bigger crime of the two. How ungracious. That would make me feel like crap if my SO said that to me in response to me trying to do something nice for him. That would probably be the last foot massage he ever got from me because I don’t waste my time doing things for ungrateful people who complain about the nice thing I’m doing.
Get over your damn feet and learn to respond to acts of kindness with some graciousness. You probably won’t get “joke” comments about your feet if you display a little more gratitude.
Post # 10
Member
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
“Next morning I constantly kept bringing it up”
How would you have felt about him constantly bringing up you criticising his foot massage after a night’s sleep?
When you say you are “sensitive” I think you mean “touchy”, because there is no evidence that you are sensitive to other people’s feelings at all.
Hopefully it’s pregnancy hormones, but do try to pull your head out of your arse because that kind of self-obsession is really wearing to live with.
Post # 11
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
You are being too sensitive.
Post # 12
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
One of the hardest thing about being married is jokes between a couple?
You don’t ever joke about? Do not not laugh and joke with your husband? Do yous have fun together? What makes you smile/laugh?
You sound like very hard work. I’d be afraid to open my mouth around you!!
Post # 13
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
You criticised a luxury he gives you, and he responded in kind humour. Sounds like you should be counting your lucky stars you’ve got a man like that.
Post # 14
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
He rubs your feet daily and you told him it was sub par!? I think it’s you who should apologise.
Imagine if you have him a daily handjob and he told you it wasn’t great…
Post # 15
Member
7812 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I have to agree with the PPs here. You criticized something that he was generous to be doing AT ALL, and he responded with a “joke”. Fair enough. Next time, be grateful he gives you a foot massage at all. I’d say you owe HIM an apology, not vice versa.