(Closed) Husband and "Work Wife"

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 766
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Innerdonught :  Unfortunately, often, we treat strangers far better than we do our own loved ones. If he breaks up someone else’s marriage, he’d be the bad guy. With his own, well, it’s because his wife has emotional problems, you know. People are screwed up. 

Post # 767
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

How in heaven’s name is this still going on?

OP – I get it. He’s great most of the time but good lord! Your updates are so frustrating. If he cared half as much about you as his WIFE and mother of his child, he would tell Jen to scram. He has not, he will not and he breaks out the water works and lame tummy aches when you ask him to. 

I don’t know how else to say it. You come second to this Jen. End of discussion. Now time to take some dignity back. 

Post # 768
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

wifeconflicted :  OP, I’m glad to see you’re getting angry, but you’re misdirecting that anger. Direct it all, 100%, at your husband, okay?

That “fucking bitch” thinks she’s going to dinner with your husband because they’re having an affair. Plain and simple. Because you have not set your foot down regarding conversations they have at work, so for all you know, Darling Husband and Jen planned to get together to do a ton of stuff, but has since been squashed by your not being okay with their relationship anymore. 

Jen called him crying is because she is not getting the attention from him that she is used to. So she’s doing and saying whatever she needs to do to get your hubsand’s attention again. That was the perfect opporunity for your husband to tell her she’s being wildly inappropriate. If one of DH’s co-workers called him hysterical like that, he’d be incredibly uncomfortable. As it was, I posed a hypothetical question to him. He has a female co-worker that he is friendly with. So I asked what he would do if she called him like Jen called your husband. His reaction? o_0 “Why would she do that? That’s so inappropriate.” <—Bingo. 

That, if anything, Bee, is confirmation that something has been going on. Darling Husband stopped giving Jen the attention she is used to, so she is going to do and say anything to get him to pay attention to her. And look at that! It worked! He immediately went and picked her up! Just like she wanted! Why is it your husband that has to comfort her? He should have directed it towards her own spouse and turned off his phone. He acts as if every text she sends needs to be answered. He is more concerned with being “humane” with Jen than a good hubsand to you. Fuck that noise. 

Bee, you have a long, long life ahead of yourself. Why do you want to spend it spoonfeeding your Darling Husband responses to this woman? I never need a play-by-play of my husband’s day, nor do I need to feed him responses to text messages. What a miserable, miserable life that it. 

You seem to be looking at the summer as the finish line. I get that. You’re fucking exhausted with this. Your husband has made this a miserable, miserable last few weeks and these three months where he isn’t going to see or speak to Jen feel like the end of the line. But it’s not. I’m sorry, Bee, but it’s just not. School will restart again, but more importantly, I worry how your husband is going to treat you these three months. As I said, I see many, many resentful moments, passive-aggressive comments, and snark because “Oh, well, I would take our daughter to the zoo, but what if Jen is there? I don’t want to upset you! So looks like we can’t go to the zoo or the beach anymore so I don’t make you upset!” And like I said, the school year will resume. Jen will be there again. And this is going to start all over again. 

 

Post # 769
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Please ask your husband why he feels the need to lie to Jen about not feeling well, etc. Why can’t he just say that he needs to spend less time/energy with her in order to focus on his wife and family?

Post # 770
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

If your husband feels so sick to his stomach at lying to poor bossy Jen, then he should make himself feel great by telling her the unvarnished truth.

Post # 771
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. So you’re okay with him communicating with her like that? Also most affairs are BLATANT he’s telling you the truth but not the whole truth. I bet anyone that when he went to her hotel to “work” they hooked up. An emotional affair that’s been going on for 2 years probably just isn’t emotionally anymore. Why haven’t you picked up your dignity and leave him? This is pathetic. I’m sorry it’s harsh but come on. You’re literally number two MAYBE in his life tbh your daughter is probably number two and you’re number three. Are you okay with being number three a BRONZE WINNER for his affections? And if so WHY? Why are you ok with him blatantly having an affair with his coworker in front of your face? Why haven’t you just looked yourself in the mirror and decided to leave? At least for your child’s sake. Truly my aunt is like you and my uncle has had multiple affairs even kids out of wedlock, she’s so pathetic that when she found out that he had a 30 year old daughter which would be the same age they got married, you know what she did? She threw him a party. I have no respect for that woman and honestly her daughters are so messed up from her staying. They’re convinced that a man cheats is normal just stick by them. They can have multiple affairs whatever as long as the man stays married to them. It’s sad. That will be you in a few years if you don’t get it together and leave. He’s not going to stop it’s been TWO YEARS and honestly you may be the woman they consider ruining their love story. He may stay with you forever but continue cheating because honestly he doesn’t respect you. Why would he? You’re pulling at the threads to excuse his behaviour. He pulled a belly ache and he’s suddenly fighting for your marriage. Come on girl. That’s not okay. Get it together 

Post # 775
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

wifeconflicted :  your husband called his situation with you and Jen “lose/lose?” Wow. If this doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, I don’t know what else does. He clearly thinks he is losing something with her that he feels as strongly about as his relationship with you. 

I’m hoping the reason we haven’t heard an update since he’s been back from the conference is because all is well in your world, but if I had to guess, something inappropriate definitely went down and you are dealing with the fall-out. 

Your almost-manic willful ignorance through this whole thread just makes me sad. 

Post # 777
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

wifeconflicted :  it’s amazing that youre blaming Jen for all of this. It sounds like we are writing to a blind person. Oh wait.

as we have all advised for 52 pages now, you’re husband is misbehaving. Acting maliciously and deceitfully towards you. His wife, mother of his child, supposed life partner. Please talk to your new therapist. Maybe they can help you understand…

Post # 778
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

None of this behavior is okay. This is no way to live. I feel sad for you but also angry because I don’t feel like you want to accept the obvious truth :/

Post # 779
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2004

wifeconflicted :  So many others have said it in so many ways-  he made vows to you, not Jen.  You are celebrating him going 3 days without talking to his girlfriend.  Why don’t you think you deserve more?

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