Post # 16
Oh no… I’m so sorry love.
I know you seem paralized right now, you’re probably feelin such tremendous pain, it’s almost physical. I would keep crying, just to let it out because trying to control it might hurt even more. When you’re significantly calmer, I want you to do the following:
(1) Inform your family what is going on. Even though they cannot help, someone needs to be aware of the situation. This is for emergency purposes that I will not go over in detail.
(2) Inform all your professors of what’s going on. This is one of the life events that actually has a legitimate effect on your studies. In fairness to what you’re going through, it would be best to let your professors know that you are under duress and would appreciate any consideration they can give you (like submitting your papers without presentation, presenting only in front of professors not students, giving you a day or two to calm and extending the deadline, etc.). Every bit helps, so I suggest you take it.
(3) Start looking for your own “me team” as I call them–a therapist, a divorce lawyer. Get informed of your rights in the case of a divorce and start the healing process even though it seems so far away now and even if you don’t even want to get up out of bed–just do it love.
(4) Find what makes you comfortable, and do it. When I got divorced, I signed up for Netflix and binge watch all the shows I can. Most of the time I was crying, but for a second I would realize that I CAN laugh again. It’s good to know that there is happiness left in the world even if mine was crumbling and in pieces.
Good luck Love and I am so sorry you’re going through this.
Post # 17
I appreciate all of your advices. Im trying to write my paper now, but I keep checking the phone every few seconds, I really really want to talk to him, Im not even sure what I would say or want to do anymore. Thanks guys for keeping me company.
Post # 18
Update: My prof agreed to extend the dateline till Monday. My husband did not came home last night either, he came back around noon today as that’s when I was suppose to be in class but I did not need to since my prof gave me the day off. He was surprised to see me and basically told me coldly he does not love me anymore, he never will and a ton of other hurtful things. When I asked him why, he can’t pinpoint anything but jus say we dun get along. Then he said he was tired and went to bed. I’m so devastated I woke up every hour in tears yesterday, and I feel lonelier than ever.
Post # 19
i am so sorry,
i know this is the worst feeling in the world. But we have all been there and after some time and heart ache, we all picked ourselves back up.
I have had an ex do this to me twice, as well. One day i went to pick him up as we were headed to a theme park and he wouldnt open the door or answer his phone. He just kept texting me telling me to leave and that it was over. WHAT!? i was heart broken and then believed him when he came back saying that he broke up with me because he “thought i deserved better” then he did it again when he met someone else.
It broke me. I couldnt do anything without bursting into tears and he couldnt care less. It was like he was someone else, he was so cold. I sat around trying to figure out what i did wrong, wondered if he still loved me, what could i do to get “us” back etc. And then one day it hit me, you want to be done? FINE – why the hell would i sit around waiting and crying for someone who said they didnt love me?! I am a beautiful, smart woman who deserves the world ….and so are you.
I hope you see that he isnt worth wasting another second on. If he wants to be this way, there is no point in you trying to talk to him and get answers as he clearly isnt interested in explaining anything to you. So give him what he wants. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are, go stay with a friend. Start being unavailable and live your own life. have a girls night and come home at 2am and see who then will be trying to talk about your relationship.
But the point of this is not to make him jealous or try to talk to you. It is to move on and if that happens in that process, well that is just a bonus. Realize your true potential and that you are stronger than you know. You dont NEED him.
Post # 20
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
(((Hugs))) Keeping you in my prayers.
Post # 21
“He came back around noon today as that’s when I was suppose to be in class but I did not need to since my prof gave me the day off…He was surprised to see me”
Like I said he’s a coward. Comes home when he thinks your going to be out. I don’t believe him when he says he doesn’t have a reason. I hate to bring this up but I wonder if he’s got someone else? He’s been gone for two nights I wonder where he’s been staying? Regardless, it sounds like it’s over. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve this. I’m glad that you got an extention on your paper. After that’s over with I’d suggest getting yourself some counselling, you need some support. Also, yes you need to contact a lawyer. If you have joint checking/savings account(s) I’d check them. I’m not saying your hubbie would do this, but a friend of mine her husband left her but cleared out their accounts first. Remember he’s shown that he can’t be trusted, you need to protect yourself. I’d consider asking him to move out since he seems to have somewhere to go. I wish there was something else I could say to make you feel better. ((hugs))
Post # 22
Just wanted to check in! Tell you that you can get through this! Be strong!
Post # 24
I’m so sorry that this happened to you. It is even worse when you aren’t really given closure and it’s just the BS responses that he is giving. Ultimately though not having answers is also an answer. It seems like he is looking for reasons as to why this can’t work instead of believing that it will work. That although things are better that his feelings of doubt haven’t changed. Have things been harder recently in your relationship? if you wouldn’t have said marriage and that you guys were together for 5 years I would have thought it was the situation you hear about where the girl is dating some guy and they have 1 fight and he is convinced the relationship is doomed and ends things. i don’t think that could be the case given your amount of time together
Post # 25
What a Class-A DOUCHEBAG!!! I am so sorry you are having to deal with something like this, and can only second the tons of good advice the other Bees have given you. Stay strong, take action to protect yourself and your legal rights during this nightmare, and contact an attorney ASAP.
And also (this is coming from an older Bee who has been through a husband suddenly leaving) be very careful not to get involved in another relationship too soon out of loneliness with someone you don’t know very well, because this happened to me after my first husband walked out and I ended up married to an abusive monster only a few months after my divorce was final. You DO NOT want something like this to happen to you, so please guard yourself! Hugs and prayers 🙂
Post # 26
He’s s really shitty person. I’m so sorry he’s such a coward.. I know it Doesn’t seem like it now but will be so much better off without him in the long run.. It makes me suspicious that this seemingle came out of nowhere ? Im sorry but I think he’s being shady and there’s more to it then just he can’t figure out why he doesn’t love u…? Very weird.. Keep ur head up in the meantime and try to surround urself with family and friends who truly love u..
Post # 27
I have a friend thats husband (well now ex husband) that acted the exact same way. After about 3 weeks of seperation there was another woman saying I love you in his fb page. On a more positive note she is now married to an amazing man and has 3 kids.
I am so sorry that he is doing this to you:( on a seperate note why is he coming back home he should be the one to leave and not come back. Sending you internet hugs.
Post # 28
- Wedding: December 2016 - Madame CJ Walker Building
Live your life! Dont send another text! Don’t call! Show him the world doesn’t stop with him! You deserve someone strong enough to communicate effectively & love you strongly….He is a coward..,.
Post # 29
poor thing. I’m so sorry that this is going on. I pray that God keeps you strong through your tough situation.
Post # 30
You WILL get through this. Don’t let him sabotage your future. Sometimes life throws shitty people our way and we just have to throw them right back. He is a selfish, nasty low life and you will have a bright future without him.