(Closed) Husband ask for divorce via text

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
615 posts
Busy bee

I’m do sorry you don’t deserve this! He is being so mean and cold and not giving you a straight answer, honestly I think he is having an affair. .. you need to find out and get prof and divorce him and get anything you can out of this marriage.  I know it’s hard but he is treating you like shit. If he ever loved you he wouldn’t do this to you. Take him for all he is worth!

Post # 32
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

That’s so terrible!!! I had an ex that would try to instigate a fight every time I had schoolwork due and wasn’t paying enough attention to him.  It’s like he’d to it to get a rise and see if I’d put him or the course work first.  Jealous, cowardly, inconsiderate, low self esteem boys are what they are.  I am soooooooooooooo very sorry for your situation.  I’d email the professor and let he or she know what’s going on.  Most of them I’ve encountered are quite understanding and realize students have lives too.  Maybe an extension will be granted? 

I’m sorry for your dipshit husband…if he even deserves to be called a husband.  Save all texts, document all calls, and if you must, hire a PI to get the dirt.  You might be able to walk away from this with the upper hand since he was so brash and callous in his approach to ending the marriage. What a selfish bastard to do that to you knowing it’s one of the biggest nights of your graduate studies.  And there is simply no excuse in this world that warrants using text messaging to deliver such news! That is utterly disgusting.  When he pulls his head out of his ass, he will probably try to use that as “oh babe I wasn’t really serious!”.  It’s like the coward’s cop out.  Since it was by text he will try to say he didn’t really mean it and would never be serious over text message.  This was just his sorry cry for attention to shift your focus off your studies and onto his needy ass.  I am so sorry!!! You came to the right place if you need a shoulder to cry on and have nobody in person.  WB can be a very therapeutic place 🙂 

Post # 33
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

View original reply
makeuplover:  I’m so, so sorry this is happening to you… hope you get some answers soon. Sending positive thoughts your way xx

Post # 34
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with Jillibean1217 completely…the fact that he is so back and forth on the matter sends up huge red flags and could mean he is getting “pressured” from another source…. I would definitely dig some girl. I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁 and if it turns out he is having an affair take his ass for all he has!!!!

Post # 37
Member
3656 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

You don’t have to wait for him to make a decision about this situation. You have to decide for yourself what is best for you. Don’t give him the power to determine your future. I can’t imagine how difficult this all is for you and I would guess that more than anything else you just want things to go back to the way they were, but I wouldn’t have much trust in him, even if he came back and said he changed his mind and wants to stay together.

Only you can decide what is right, but I think the important thing is you making the decision, not waiting around to see if he thinks you are worthy of remaining married to. You deserve to be treated much better than he is treating you, and he can never undo the pain he has unnecessarily caused you. Be strong and decide what is best for you, and you tell him what YOUR decision is about your future.

Post # 38
Member
176 posts
Blushing bee

God bless you bee! I had an ex in high school (he was 20, I was 15 kinda creepy now that I think about it) and he would always think he found something better, come in to dump me, then tell me he wasn’t sure and would let me “know by friday” if he wanted to continue our relationship.  It was class A emotional abuse! I’d stay torn up for 3 days and on Friday (he’d decide that his other fling was going to work out) he’d officially dump me.  Then 2 months later he’d beg to come back.  He did this frequently after i allowed him to get away with it the first time.  At one point I had moved on, he came back with an engagement ring.  Poor 15 year old self thought this was the best thing ever.  This continued back and forth for the next 3 years.  By 18, I was too smart for his bullshit.  He eventually went off and married one of the girls he had cheated on me with, so he was her problem then. Even 7 years after they got married, he would try to text and tell me he got a divorce and asking if I wanted to hang out! Looking at his fb even now, you’d think he was a free styling bachelor! Recently my mom ran into his mother in law, come to find out they’re still together (married) and have a 2 year old child!!! You’d never know it! 

My point is…men like this don’t change.  They have deep seeded issues that can never be resolved.  Don’t let him drag you any further into his problems.  He will come back at some point, there’s no doubt in my mind…but you will be at a much stronger point by then and will know not to go back down that road.  I know it seems like the end of the world, but it’s not.  It’s the end of a chapter but not the end of your book…and you write the pages.  Don’t let him take control of this…which may seem easier for now but won’t be in the long run.  Let someone else have him and deal with his issues.  A man worth having will love you forever and will never allow you to doubt for a second he doesnt! One day you’ll look back on this and thank him for cutting you loose when he did, because it allowed you to find your forever love!

Post # 39
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee

Ask your professor for an extension, or the ability to alternatively present somehow. I did this my last semester of grad school when my dad was badly injured and I had to drive 2 hours away to take care of him. I just told them look here, my dad is injured, I’m the primary care giver, and my grandmother is going to die any day now (she did about 2 weeks after my dad’s injury). There’s no way I’m coming into class again. Luckily I was past the stage of tests, so I just completed all my papers and emailed them to my professors. I got through it ok.

I’m sorry this is happening to you.

Don’t be afraid to ask your prof for some kind of extension. They may surprise you.

Post # 40
Member
267 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
makeuplover:   HE hasn’t made a final decision ye? Seriously? F him! He must think he really is something special and that he has complete control over the situation. It isn’t all about him and his feelings- it is about you too. You need to pick yourself up and call the best divorce lawyer in your town before he does. I know you are hurting but you cannot give him this upper hand…and who wants to be with someone that you have to beg to love you? Not worth it IMO. I know you guys met young and you are still very young so it feels like this is all you know. The positive is that you are 25 and you can still find someone who loves you and who won’t treat you like this!

Post # 41
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

That’s so awful, Bee! My main advice to you is to get yourself a divorce lawyer and MAKE HIM PAY. Punish him so he knows the price of acting like a complete D-bag to a lovely, smart, devoted wife like yourself and thinks twice before doing this to someone else. 

Also, I don’t know if humor helps you cope, but if it does, watch this Youtube classic circa 2006, “You can’t text message breakup!” which pretty much sums up my feelings on men who do this sort of thing (NSFW): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTKI9OUGVGU

And this always makes me smile: http://make-everything-ok.com

Post # 42
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
makeuplover:  I understand why you feel the way you do.  Your supposed to be strong and mad at him – right now you’re in shock and trying to take everything in.  That’s ok.  The anger will come eventually.

I don’t think the question is weather or not he’s made a final decision yet.  The question is do you even want to be with him considering how’s he’s treated you? This isn’t up to him.  It’s up to you! Don’t forget that he’s not the one running the show.  We all make mistakes.  Sometimes marriages don’t work out, dosen’t matter what age we are.  Pls don’t give him all the power.  He says he wants to do the right thing?  If that was true he wouldn’t have ended it via text.  He doesn’t want to do the right thing – he wants to do what he wants to do.  And then say these horrible things to you so you think it’s all your fault.  It’s not your fault, it’s his!

Post # 43
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee

Fuck this guy. There are *literally* billions of other dudes who won’t pull shit like that. 

Post # 44
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee

“He did say he won’t make a final decision yet” 

Because he wants you to be the one to leave him so he’s not the bad guy. This is a pretty classic move. Tells you all of these mean things but doesn’t leave so *you’ll* be the one to leave, so if anyone asks he can say “yeah I tried to work it out but she left me all alone, srsly I’ve been SO good to her and she throws that all away *sob* I’m such a nice guy”

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