Post # 61
We like to think we are all special and our relationships are different but the truth is, breakups are freakishly standard. Check out a relationship board like Loveshack or similar, go thread to thread, you’ll feel you are reading the same story over and over and over.
I am surpised women do not know that one of the classic signs of cheating is a suddenly cold demeanor. It’s textbook I’m sorry to say, they detach themselves. It’s also common for them to start fights so they can storm off and be with “her”, so think back, has he done that before?
I would honest to God bet my entire life savings that there is someone else. Please get yourself tested and don’t sleep with him.
Post # 62
Uggh, that is most shittest way to divorce! He is clearly an asshole…
Stay strong in school and as a person. I know you can get through this. He is missing out on everything. We are here to comfort if you need any (hugs)
Post # 63
Ugh. I’ve been following your thread since the beginning but haven’t posted until now because I really don’t even know what to say.
I guess I just wanted to send you a supportive message to say I’m thinking of you during this horribly sad situation and sending you my warmest and happiest vibes. You deserve to be happy and I know you will be someday soon, so just keep trucking along while you move your way through this part of the journey. You’re doing great. Xx.
Post # 64
Long update: Thought I’ll drop by to update you a little on how things are. I finally got some answers about why he’s doing this. Last Wednesday, he explained that a huge fight we had at the beginning of last year was the catalyst of it all but he insist that’s not the only reason. However he can’t further pinpoint anything, from what I get, after the fight which I thought we resolved, he must have kept finding faults and reasons that we don’t get along which resulted in this. The fight was the largest fight we ever had basically it started with us discussing the possibility of moving and doing grad school but it was just not feasible financially, so I did not think it was a great idea, and we left it at that. A few months later, I found out he applied to schools behind my back and I felt so betrayed that he could make a move when we haven’t come to a consensus yet. He kinda brushed it off and said well I was just going to tell you later. I was livid and we fought for weeks about it. I finally gave in because I could not stand seeing him upset although I was hurting. After that, things got back to normal or so I thought until now.
Honestly, I am heartbroken that he could do this, he always told me he loves me no matter what happens, well this is not what no matter what happens means does it? Now he says he could try to see if it he still wants to work it out, if there are some feelings left, so we should act normal. So that’s what I’m trying to do, I try to put on a brave face whenever we are together as he hates it when I’m upset but it really really hurts that someone that I trusted and loved so much could hurt me this way. I’m not sure what he’s thinking right now as I’m afraid to bring anything up. I’m afraid the coldness would return, that he won’t come home again everyday. He’s not that cold anymore, so I’m not sure if that’s what he means by acting normal. I did break down a few days ago and asked him how is this fair to me, why should I suffer like this? He told me its not about what’s fair it’s about what works so maybe he can slowly ease back into how things were. when and if it does, he’ll make it up to me and I ll see it’s worth It. I dunno to laugh or cry with that response, instead I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, one wrong move and it will be over. I get terrified whenever I get a text now so I just keep my phone on silent all day.
im on summer break now and I just started therapy for myself. I haven’t decided anything yet, hopefully with therapy and this break I could clear my head and decide what to do. Rant over, and I really appreciate you guys for being here for me, I always feel a tiny tiny little bit better when I get on here.
Post # 65
I’m glad you’re going to therapy and hope that it is helpful for you to work through all your thoughts and feelings. Reading your update makes me so sad (about the way you are feeling). Please make sure you take care of yourself and try and plan some happier activities with friends or family if you can, to keep you sane.
I find it hard when people tell others on these boards that they should or shouldn’t leave their relationships, because nothing is ever straight forward in life and it’s impossible to understand the full context of a situation from a few messages. I don’t want to make any suggestions about what you should do, but I will ask this question: Are you planning on starting a family together and, if so, do you think you would ever have the full sense of security in this marriage that you would need to do that happily and with no hesitation?
Wishing you the very best and hope that things feel more ‘normal’ for you again soon.
Post # 66
Your update makes me feel very sad for you and I wish I couldl be there with wine and chocolate and a listening ear.
I also wish I could have read something it that contradicts what pps have been saying about him making you the bad guy in all this, but I can’t.
“He told me its not about what’s fair it’s about what works so maybe he can slowly ease back into how things were. when and if it does, he’ll make it up to me and I ll see it’s worth It.”
It’s like he thinks he’s the only one with any rights or power or control in this realtionship. Not true. Is it?
Sending many good wishes and good feelings to you from out here in the Internet.