(Closed) Husband at a Bachelor Party

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7357 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Stay out of it and let him decide what he wants to do. if he decides to skip the party, he’s perfectly capable of coming up with an excuse on his own. If he decides to go, then that’s his choice; he knows how you feel and you seem confident that he respects he boundaries of your relationship, so he should be perfectly capable of going to a stripper party and surviving if that’s what he wants to do.

Post # 3
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It sounds like your husband is uncomfortable with going. You aren’t forcing him to not go. It sounds like a crazy maybe dangerous time especially if he is stuck on a boat with the crazies. Go ahead and give whatever excuse you want to the guys, but don’t feel bad. You aren’t being a controlling wife. Your husband is making his choice. Even if they do think it is your fault for him not going, you know the truth. 

also, I would feel the same way you do about that situation. 


Post # 4
739 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

sonechka:  It doesn’t seem like there is anything you can do necessarily, this seems like it is completely your husbands decision. Majority of bachelor/bachelorette parties generally involve some type of stripper or strip club and at the very least drinking. I understand your point about the houseboat and not being able to escape if he’s uncomfortable, that does suck. I hope that he makes a decision that you’re comfortable with. Best of luck to you guys!

Post # 5
9 posts
  • Wedding: September 2015

Just let him go!  If you trust him not to do drugs and get lap dances, what’s the big deal?  He seems pretty trustworthy–he sat out while his friends all went to the strip club at his brother’s bachelor party.  It’s one thing to ask your husband to respect you enough not to hire strippers himself or get lap dances, but it’s another to force him to create rifts over friends’ rites of passage because of your preferences.  (As someone who agrees with you that adult entertainment is an exploitative industry.)

Post # 6
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sonechka:  I think he should just say he’s not comfortable with what will be going on – that he thought it was going to be a relaxing time on a houseboat, but it’s turned into a party which won’t be his thing. He can site both the strippers and the drugs and alcohol.

His friends already know he doesn’t like strippers because he opted out of visiting the strip clubs at the last bachelor party, so I don’t see how this is much different. i.e. they know he’s not a wild partier.

Bottom line is if he doesn’t want to go, his friends don’t own him and can’t force him to go. He’ll probably have to lose his deposit but that’s no big deal.

Post # 7
787 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If your husband truly doesn’t want to go, he shouldn’t. And (as difficult as it is), he doesn’t need to answer to anyone about his decision. If anyone asks, he should state that something urgent came up (a family matter, a work function or unexpected project, etc.) and he’s sorry he can’t make it. And if they start implying that you are the cause, he’ll need to change the subject. And keep doing it until they stop. Consistancy in his way of handling them is going to be the key to stopping that.

However, if he does want to go or feels that he should, you’ll both need to think some things through. What is his gameplan if things get way out of hand (re: drugs or prostitutes)? Can he take a taxi home or to a nearby hotel? Is there another friend who feels the same way he does, and they can take turns playing DD?

And on your part – are you going to want to know everything that goes on, or should you ask him to keep the raunchy details to himself? Decide now, because the temptation to ask will be strong and you might not like want you hear. And he might not want to tell you the bad things he sees, knowing how you feel.

Good luck.

Post # 8
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

He can’t just say he doesn’t want to be involved with strippers and coke?

 “Hey guys, I’m a respectable man, not some Charlie Sheen wannabe. I would like to have a good time with you guys but I’m not interested in doing anything that is illegal, disrespectful or dangerous.”

If they make a dumb comment about him being “whipped” or anything about you, he needs to stand up for you. “We feel the same way about the party. Neither one of us is comfortable with having strippers or drugs there. She is not the reason I’m not going. It was my decision. But even if she had asked me not to go, I’d respect that, because I love and respect my partner.”

His friends are assholes and not worth your time if that answer isn’t good enough.

Post # 9
1634 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So what if his friends blame you. Your husband doesn’t want to go so he needs to be the one to say so. Wether he conveys the message he made the decision or you did really does not matter. Your husband should know how to talk to his friends. 

Do you think there is a chance he will lose deposit on the weekend? 

Post # 10
258 posts
Helper bee

Why don’t you leave it to him.  If he really doesn’t want to go, he won’t.

Post # 11
6529 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

sonechka:  if your husband is uncomfortable with goig,  he needs to say just that. I think no matter what, his friends will think in the back of their head that you had something to do with it, but dont let that bother you. Dont worry about what other people think.

Post # 12
3025 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

This is one for your husband to deal with. If the plan or even the tone changed AFTER he paid his share, I think he’s ok asking to excuse himself from the whole thing– if that’s what he really wants.

Post # 13
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

SarahCF:  He can’t just say he doesn’t want to be involved with strippers and coke? 


+100!  I agree, that’s all that’s needed to be said! 

Post # 14
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Honestly, your husband is a big boy and if he doesn’t want to go to the strippers he doesn’t have to.  

The only time i have ever objected to a bachelor party is if it was going to cost a stupid amount of money. I know my husband is smart enough to use his own judgement.

Post # 15
628 posts
Busy bee

I personally think that your relationship should come first. You’re the one he has a life with and he should respect you. If he doesn’t want to go, he should simply saythat. At his age, peer pressure shouldn’t be an issue – he’s old enough to get married but not mature enough to say no to his friends? I say he should get a backbone and make the decision that’s best for your relationship. 

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