Husband called me by someone else's name during sex…

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It’s clearly suspicious, but I don’t think it’s really necessary to stay with your sister, either. Go back and talk to him. If you’re going to work through whatever the heck is going on here, you’re going to need to at least talk to him.

If he sticks with the porn story, I would probably ask to see his phone again and see if he did any searches for porn stars named Tori. 

It could be a fantasy thing. It could be an ex. It could be an honest mistake. And yes, he could be cheating. But do you have other reasons to think he’s cheating on you? Be cautious, but don’t assume the worst just yet.

Post # 17
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

This is actually one of my worst fears.. that it’ll be ME who calls fiancé by some other name. Not because I don’t know who he is. Just because I suck at names. I have so much on my mind all the time and I’m constantly getting things jumbled and won’t even notice. There have been plenty of times I wanted to call him chris. I even had a bad dream that I did. Chris just happens to be an ex that I don’t think about and the guy I was dealing with about my rings. ….. could it be it was just an honest mistake and he’s like me? Jumbled?

Post # 19
Member
3282 posts
Sugar bee

Tatum :  I did the same once. I was mortified.

Post # 20
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Does he have an ex named Tori, by any chance??  I just called my partner by my ex’s name over the weekend on accident, although NOT during sex thank god.  Ugh.  

Otherwise, it’s very plausible that he was fantasizing about some chick named Tori – men (and women too) do fantasize about other people during sex pretty frequently.  It’s also possible that he’s cheating on you.  But if you scoured his phone and didn’t see anything sketchy, I don’t think that should be the automatic assumption.

I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 21
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

This would raise an eyebrow but I think there’s maybe an underlying reason why you’re upset about it. If my husband did this I would 100% take him at his word. I have no reason to believe he would cheat on me or lie to me. Is there a reason you feel like it could be another woman and not the porn star like he said?

Post # 22
Member
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

He’s been screwing a Tori and forgot who he was with in the moment. 

Burn all his shit. 

Post # 23
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Turns out there IS a pornstar called “Tori”. Tori Black. A lot of guys I know love her. Just putting that out there. Might want to catch him off guard and ask him to tell you her full name, then and there. See if his bullshit story is in fact, just bullshit.

Post # 24
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee

If this were just a relationship, I’d leave in a heartbeat. But since you’re married to him, I think it may warrant some extra investigation. Either way, no one should be *that* wrapped up in porn to the extent that it is going through their minds when they’re having sex with a REAL PERSON—if his story is true, anyway.

 

I understand why you’re hurt and need some time away from him. Regardless of his excuse, what he did is so hurtful and inexcusable. Also, don’t feel rushed to sleep with him again until your trust is fully restored. 

Post # 25
Member
2235 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

noobee92 :  I expect that if Tori the porn star is made up, by the time OP talks to her husband he will, in fact, be schooled in the entire porn career of a star named Tori. How often do men get to compulsively watch porn (for research) in order to convince their partners they’re not cheating?

Post # 26
Member
2080 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I’m obviously in the minority here, but I don’t really think its that big of a deal. We all have fantasies, its part of a healthy sex life. I would be disappointed if my SO called me by another name, but I can’t say I’d be all that upset. I don’t care if he was fantasizing about a porn star or another hot woman. The LAST thing I would think would be that he was cheating on me. Maybe I’m too trusting, but your response went from 0 to 100 in like 2 seconds flat. Do you have other reasons to believe he is cheating on you? 

Post # 27
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

Sunshine024 :  Seriously? If your husband moaned another woman’s name during sex, cheating is the LAST thing you would suspect?

Post # 28
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Ride his ass all the way to Bethlehem. No not really. I hold the unpopular opinion that everyone is entitled to their own thoughts in the privacy of their own head. Not just while they are single, but married or involved too. 

What would it accomplish to make a big deal about it? Just tell him not to talk during sex unless he is going to tell you how irresistible and sexy you are.

Post # 29
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

noobee92 :  I’m not sure I would believe that now. I know if I were OP’s husband and I was caught fantasizing about Tori Black, I would immediately produce her last name. But now he’s had ample time to google porn stars named Tori and find Tori Black.

Post # 30
Member
573 posts
Busy bee

I feel like a lot of people are forgetting one very important thing about this: This is not her boyfriend or some new relationship. This is her husband. Between dating, engagement and marriage they’ve been having exclusive sex a while and I’m sorry but the time for innocent name “slip-ups” is over.

The porn fantasy sounds like straight BS but even if it wasn’t NO ONE is that stupid. In all the years they’ve been together, married or dating, there’s only supposed to be ONE person you’re having actual sex with and every adult should know the difference between reality and fantasy.

Now divorcing without hard evidence is extreme but I don’t think I’d be able to go back home until I knew exactly what was going on. I’d honestly go to the doctor at your earliest convenience to get checked for STI’s and I would definitely get to the bottom of this. 

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