Husband called me by someone else's name during sex…

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 61
394 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry to read this. Personally I couldn’t let cheating go and couldn’t continue with this relationship. In any case, I would seek legal advice about your situation (in the event that *he* decided to end the marriage, even if you didn’t want to)… but I wouldn’t tell him that you’re doing this at this stage. You need to know your rights and what you’re entitled to, and use this to plan your next steps. My guess from what you’ve said is that he will try to talk you round… but it’s possible that, if/when he realises that you aren’t going to be a pushover, he might ‘switch horses midstream’ and change his tack. Unfortunately, he has already proved that he is deceptive.

Good luck- what a horrible situation to be in. But it can get better! You already know that you’re worth so much more than this!

Post # 62
1183 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Oh bee, I am so very sorry that this was the outcome. What a complete jerk! I’m so proud of you for kicking him out. Wishing you love and healing as you navigage this.

Post # 64
9828 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Okay now that we’ve confirmed can we start burning his shit yet?

Post # 65
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Started reading this thread and then got hit with that bombshell. So sorry bee. Sending so many hugs to you. This left a pit in my stomach. I hope you have friends and family to comfort you during this time. And also, I agree with slomotion. 

Post # 66
3393 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I normally wouldn’t advocate for an acrimonious divorce, but I’d lawyer up and run him through the fuckin ringer if he so much as tries to take more than his basic entitlements. In the meantime, it’s probably best for your own well-being that you try to separate and resolve the financial stuff as quickly and cleanly as possible, regardless of how hurt you are. A long drawn out divorce will only cause you ongoing pain so it’s best just to avoid it if possible, without getting screwed. 

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m with you that this isn’t a mid life crisis. That’s bullshit. 

Post # 67
4910 posts
Honey bee

This is so awful.  I am so sorry to read this. I for sure thought it would have ended up coming to nothing. I can’t imagine. Please have a friend come to stay with you and lawyer up asap. Hugs. 

Post # 68
580 posts
Busy bee

Fuck that scumbag. please make a doctors appt ASAP to get checked. Who knows what “Tori” has..

Post # 69
420 posts
Helper bee

oh bee I’m so sad to read this update,

I retract everything I said about not jumping from that to cheating…far OUT
I was not expecting this.

I’m glad you kicked him out, 7 months is NOT a mid-life crisis.

Get him gone, keep him gone.

REMEMBER to take care of yourself in this time, make sure you have someone to talk to.


i’m so so so sorry bee.

Post # 70
9588 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

nosybee :  good for you bee. I’m so sorry he did this. What an ass.

Post # 71
943 posts
Busy bee

going2bmrsc :  It was my first thought. No one fantasizes about porn that much. If my man ever screams a woman’s name and its not mine, he has been getting with someone else.

OP get to the doctor and get checked….get a good divorce lawyer…take him to the cleaners. 

Post # 72
6663 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh, Bee, I’m so sorry to read these updates. I agree w/ PPs–SEVEN MONTHS is not a mid-life crisis. It’s a crisis of character. It would still be going on if he hadn’t been caught. 

Protect yourself. Call your gyno and get tested. If yours is like mine they’ll want to give you an appt four months from now–tell them your husband had an affair and you have to get tested and they will get you in right away. This is his embarrassment to carry, not yours. Gather all the financial info, secure your half of any funds/investments/etc., change your passwords, hire the most badass lawyer you can find. Block him and Tori and anyone associated with them from your social media. 

Schedule a massage, plan a trip, pamper yourself. Hugs. You will get through this, Bee. You are not alone. 

Post # 73
441 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, I second PP. Burn his shit. Then, find the ho and burn her life down too. I’m not kidding either. The other woman is just as responsible imo. 


Post # 74
441 posts
Helper bee

Edited for TOS violation 

Post # 75
3281 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t burn his shit. Get a shark of an attorney asap. Open up a new bank account and change your direct deposit.  Get a new phone and number – you have no idea what tracking he has put on your phone. Change all your passwords, use two step verification where offeres, and use Lastpass. Make dure you have alerts set up for your credit.  And, of course, get tested. 

ETA: disengage a y smart home technology so he cannot spy on you.

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