Husband calling me shallow for wanting a "pretty" house!

posted 2 years ago in Logistics
Post # 31
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I have to confess I was expecting something much worse. The things you mentioned require fairly small renovations. That is quite a lovely beginner home.

Post # 34
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

monkey89 :  I think it is sending you to the wrong house again (must be the website), the two links appear to be the same house. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 35
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

monkey89 :  the 805 Bayou is the one he wants? That’s not even bad, I mean yes it needs some work but it’s livable and I would maybe talk about maybe a 3-5 year timeline. Admittedly I live in an uglier condo that costs 100k more and is smaller lol. We have been working on things throughout the last 3 years. Waiting for my major work to start.

He shouldn’t be calling you shallow though. Marriage is compromise on both ends.

Post # 36
Member
6146 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

If your husband doesn’t have building skills then he’s planning to buy an outdated house and fuck it up. And he’s planning to take 5-10 years to do so. ๐Ÿ˜’

That would be a massive oh hell no from me.

My husband came up with some asinine idea about buying some land and building a house on it and we’d live in a yurt on the property in the meantime. I told him “I will murder you and bury your body on the land before I’d live in a yurt waiting for you to finish building a whole house. Fuck that. Did you just meet me?” And he actually has the skills to build an entire house. I’m just someone who, like you, needs to live in a beautiful space. It’s not shallow to know that about yourself.

You and your husband need to come to a compromise because if he messes up an already outdated house it’s going to be even harder to get rid of it after it’s 5-10 years older than it already was when you bought it.

You call yourself a “people pleaser”- aren’t you a people?

Post # 37
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

 

monkey89 :  While a tad dated, that house is amazing!!  Look all that space!!  I think there is nothing wrong with this house.

Post # 39
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

You don’t generally get a dollar for dollar return on investments for renovations unless you flip houses on a large scale and have your own crew to do most of the work.  Real life isn’t HGTV.  Your husband’s aspirations of a fixer upper being a good investment are very naive when you will be lucky to get 50-75 cents in increased value for each $1 you spend on renovations and repairs.  

It doesn’t sound like you guys have the $50-100k in cash to pay for the renovations so by the time you save up $25k to renovate the kitchen your bathrooms would already be dated or your roof would need replaced.  If your budget ever gets tighter you would struggle to maintain a 30 year old home financially let alone renovate anything. Part of the trade off in buying an older home–HVAC, roofing, plumbing repairs that aren’t cheap.   

I learned what I shared above the hard way when I previously owned an older home (75 yrs old) and spent $5-10k a year in basic maintenance.  We built our current home and even though it cost significantly more between better energy efficiency and lower maintenance costs, our annual housing expenses haven’t changed significantly.  It’s not selfish to want to live in a space that doesn’t require tens of thousands of dollars to modernize and maintain. 

Post # 40
Member
6635 posts
Bee Keeper

monkey89 :  If it’s 805 Bayou River Drive it’s much better than I expected. And there’s nothing wrong with buying the dog in a great neighborhood if you have the means and/or the skills to improve it. What you can’t fix is proximity to a busy road and that will impact your return on investment forever. 

Post # 42
Member
6566 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d 100% rather live in an ugly house in a better neighbourhood, so I can see his comments meaning something if you’re putting this ‘vision’ over your price, neighbourhood, school districts etc.

Post # 43
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

“If your husband doesn’t have building skills then he’s planning to buy an outdated house and fuck it up.”

“You don’t generally get a dollar for dollar return on investments for renovations unless you flip houses on a large scale and have your own crew to do most of the work.  Real life isn’t HGTV.”

These two quotes are on point. Perhaps instead of trying to sell him on aesthetics, make him layout his realistic “investment” plan. Have him look into quotes etc. It cost me $2,500 to have a contractor install a small 8×10 ft non- load bearing interior wall in my home. Purely decorative, not even insulated. Renos cost way more than people think. And his financial plan may have more holes in it than he thinks too

Post # 44
Member
7905 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your Darling Husband makes it sound so easy, but renovating is a huge undertaking. He doesn’t even seem that motivated based on your description of his efforts in your current home. Plus, not all areas have such dramatic rise in prices. You sort of described one of the houses he was interested in, which included being near a busy street. That is not going to be good for home resale value in the future. 

Since he’s so into making a buck on your house, I would recommend involving your realtor in those discussions. She’d know which properties would have the most potential and could find houses that match what you’re looking for. Another good thing to do to assess the reno possibilities is to have a contractor look at the house with you to give you an idea of what would really be involved and what the cost would really be. 

 

Post # 45
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

The list both of you have setled on is too vague. Unless you narrow down exactly what you are looking for, there is bound to be lots of frustration between you two.  Each of you you should make a list of the things you consider “pretty”, non-negotiables, like-to-haves, & hell no’s, Then come together to make a joint list that you will both be happy with.  You need to include everything that you are complaing about such as the busy street.

As you make the list you will better communicate what pretty actually means to you. And some things you will see are easily fixed for fairly cheap before you move in.  For example nice flooring was on my list, but the kitchen had linoleum, bright yellow and brown from the 60’s! ( and all original appliances as well) Then there was bright colored carpet in each room. Well, $2300 for new tile & countertops was worth the expense when compared to choosing a more expensive home. We also purchased bargin priced appliances that matched because we knew that we would want to do a complete kitchen remodel along with and expansion in the next few years.  We had hard wood under the carpets, $175 for tools and floor cleaner was worth the investiment and elbow greese to have nice flooring.  

Another example, an open floor plan is “pretty” to me.  We have a few walls that are preventing us from having that.  But!  Before purchasing we found out the walls are non-load bearing so demo-ing them will be fairly cheap when we have the cash! And that is a project we are looking to tackle in the next 2-3 years.  I can live with the walls in the mean time because lots of homes we looked at had similar floorplans.  

My only advice is not to sacrifice your comfort for an investiment.  I truly believe you invest in people first and then property!  You have to feel safe, comfortable, creative, happy, recharged, etc. in your home.  Do not strain yourself financially where you cant afford to save too.  The one thing I miss about renting is being able to make a phone call to get things fixed at no cost to me.  Every time something needs a repair, I have to decide if it is better to just go ahead and learn to do it myself or spend the big bucks for a pro.  You dont want to buy a fixer-upper if you dont have the know how or patience to fix something or extra cash for a pro.  

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