- 4 months ago
- Wedding: December 2017
*my apologies in advance for the loooong story*
My husband and I have been together for 9 years now and married for 2 years. We were always very honest towards eachother and communicated everything. I never found myself confronted with any cases of him talking to other women. He is the best man I’ve ever known, a family man, a good friend to me and to his friends, an example. I know he loves me and I love him too, a lot. I trust in him blindly. He always wanted kids but I was not ready. Last year in november we decided to start trying and got pregnant right away in december. Throughout my pregnancy I noticed him not being as excited that I expected him to be given the fact that he was always asking for a child. I thought maybe he was too busy at work (he is a policemen so he works irregular hours, tired most of the time) and didn’t have the time to focus on me and my needs. Sometimes I would tell him and he will apologize for not giving me much attention but he would continue being mentally absent.
While being 7 months pregnant I received an anonymous message on facebook telling me that my husband is lying to me and that they have proof. At first I did not think much of it because why would my husband be lying to me? I trusted in my husband and decided not to reply to the message and ask him directly. I knew if something is going on he will have to thell me. He was working at the moment that I received the message so I waited until the next day to ask him about it. The next day I told him I received a weird message and I read the message to him.
After that he became very quit and asked me to come into our room so he could talk to me. He said: you know I love you a lot right? I said yes. Then he said he: I failed you. I started crying, I could not believe this was happening to me. He told me he had a one night stand with a colleague in February and could not tell me because I was still very early in my pregnancy and he did not want anything to happen to our child. He told me it was a mistake that should not have happened, he regrets it a lot. For that reason he has not been able to sleep all those months and not been able to be attentive towards me, this mistake has been eating him up since. He said he was about to tell me about it because the same day I received the message (the day before) the colleague approached him telling him that she is also 3 months pregnant with his child. He does not know why she did not tell him earlier, but she is actually interested in him for a relationship so I think she waited the 3 months until she is sure he could not tell him to abort the child (I am sure my husband would not think of doing that but I really think that is the reason she waited to tell him because why else wouldn’t you tell ).
I am devastaded. This journey that is suppose to be the happiest journey of my life (pregnancy) has turned into a nightmare of constant crying. I demanded my husband to move out in that moment, he went to his parents house. But I miss him every day, he is my best friend. I am so confused, I want my family to stay together but at the same time I don’t want to accept him with a child of an affair. I know it was a mistake, but it was a HUGE mistake with consequences that we will have to deal with forever (the child), all this WHILE I AM PREGNANT. I know, this sounds horrible. While writing it feels horrible too. But I really don’t know what to do, I know I need my space, and sometimes I just want to call it quits but I love him so much and I know he regrets doing this.
My husband went personally to my parents to tell them about this and tell them that he failed their daughter. I talked to a couple of my closest people about this (mother, my brother and his girlfriend, two of my best friends) and they all say that they know I need my space now but they hope in the long run that we can work things out, that we belong together, that he loves me and he made on big mistake. I’m not sure I can handle this in the long run, right now my husband and I are on speaking terms most of the days but on some days I can’t stand talking to him/seeing him I cry a lot on those days (happens about once of twice a week). Right now I think we can deal with this because it still seem surreal (the other women is working abroad so we do not see her and he has no contact with her) but after a couple of months when the other baby arrives I don’t I can handle the reality of it all. My baby is due in August, the other baby is due in November.
My husband is cooperating throughout this process by answering any question I have. We are both going to therapy (separately, I have not decided to go to couples therapy yet, not sure I want to) and he is doing his best to be here for me and our child, he says that our family is his focus at the moment but I can’t help thinking about the other child every time someone talks to him about becoming a dad.
This situation is really f-ed up. I cannot believe my husband would put me and my baby through this, I know it was a mistake, and I know he loves me but I don’t know if I can ever forgive him for this and accept him with his other child.
I hope someone can help me find clarity in this situation, maybe someone with similar experience that has been able to forgive? or should I just call it quits? I don’t know.