Husband cheated while I'm pregnant.

posted 4 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 61
Member
6162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Oh girl, you do realize they didn’t only have sex 1 time, when he was drunk? It was probably many, many times over the 3+ months. You don’t know why the other woman “wants him”… You don’t know what he told her during those months they were talking. I do wish you the best with whatever choice you make, and hope that you don’t feel any hate or resentment to his other child as it was your husbands actions that brought the children into the world. Would you consider seeing a therapist to help you deal with all your thoughts and feelings?

Post # 62
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I mean, when you leave him and he gets upset and vindictive about it, I’m sure you’ll find out about the many, many times they’ve slept together. In all of this, be sure you’re keeping yourself safe. Don’t engage with him in conversations that get really desperate without someone else present. If this guy feels entitled enough to have an affair and think he could get away with it, he might not think you’ll leave and he could get violent when you do. Honestly, if you live in his jurisdiction, it might be worthwhile to sell your house and move to another jurisdiction because I’ve seen police not believe exes of coworkers and ignore their calls for help.

Post # 63
Member
13657 posts
Honey Beekeeper

” I have the financial ability to separate (I work) and my parents live nearby and we were already planning on letting the baby stay with my mother for the first months and let him go to daycare until he is atleast 9 months.”

I’m glad to hear this. I think letting him stay and help in this situation is the wrong choice for many reasons, both legal and emotional,  especially since you are already in a very good position to do it with support and help from your family. I don’t see any good coming out of it.  

Post # 64
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

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@mademoiselle29:  I am sorry I dont believe this in the slightest

Post # 65
Member
95 posts
Worker bee

This is so frustrating. I feel for you. I wanna point something out that I’m not sure anyone else has. 

I think you need to consider the possibility that he also lied about it being a one night stand. The chancss of a woman getting pregnant from a single one night stand that was spontaneous aren’t the greatest. It’s not impossible, and not even improbable, but chances are still against it since a woman is really only fertile for a few days during her cycle. They would have needed to have sex a few days before, or directly after she ovulated for her to become pregnant. Like I said, it’s completely possible, but it still makes me suspicious of whether or not he was being honest about it only being once. And I think his honesty about what transpired is important and might be a deciding factor in how you choose to proceed. Good luck. 

Post # 66
Member
610 posts
Busy bee

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@mademoiselle29:  I saw your update. I have no words. I will tell you that is possible to raise a happy, well adjusted child in a broken relationship. If you guys do split (and it sounds like that is what you want), I would continue therapy together, just to figure out how to co-parent and have a working relationship post-divorce.

And I want to reiterate that you did nothing wrong here. A marriage/partner does not have to be deficient for an affair to happen. People don’t stay faithful becuase of love. They stay faithful because of commitment. Being married and loving your spouse does not mean you will never again meet someone that you have chemistry with. It means you recognize it when it happens and limit your contact/set boundaries with that person so it doesn’t interfere with your marriage/relationship. That is part of the work in maintaining a marriage. This is where your husband failed your marriage and you, and it it isn’t your fault in the least.

Post # 67
Member
10543 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Can we burn all his shit yet or nah

Post # 68
Member
818 posts
Busy bee

Wot she said ^^^

Post # 69
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

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@lili91:  pretty much everyone pointed that out but good to keep it going.

Also this is an oxymoron “not even improbable, but chances are still against it”. It is highly improbable. 

Post # 70
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@milaknot:  had to chuckle at this when, conservative estimate, 90% of the 4 plus pages of respondents made at least passing remarks about not believing it only happened once.  🙄😂

Post # 71
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

Is it possible for you and your husband to reconcile? Yes, but not probable. There is so much missing from this story, it doesn’t sound like you are fully aware of the consequences, therefore you can’t yet decide to cut your losses and start over with him. Depending on the professional relationship, they could both lose their jobs!

Wishing you peace! 

Post # 72
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee

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@annabla: Your friend sounds generous and more forgiving than most, but OP doesn’t have an obligation to the other woman’s child any more than she would to a stranger’s child. Indeed, I would encourage her to place her and her child’s interests first and act accordingly.

Post # 73
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Oh my OP, I am so sorry about this situation!

This is a very difficult situation and ultimately it is up to you whether this is something you can get past. 

Some people can forgive cheating (I know a couple who’ve been married for 40 years and he’s had mistresses the whole time – which she knows about), others can’t. For me, I wouldn’t be able to forgive him, particularly now that someone else is pregnant with what is assumed to be his child. 

You have a lot of thinking to do OP!

Post # 74
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

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@mademoiselle29:  if you weren’t pregnant, what would you do? 

Post # 75
Member
654 posts
Busy bee

OP, I’m terribly sorry you’re going through this.  I can’t imagine being in this situation. 

I’m curious about one thing, though.  Why didn’t you respond to the FB message that you received?  Clearly there was some truth to it, as you now know.  I have to believe that if this were me, I would want to arm myself with as much information as I could in order to make a good, informed decision.  Of course, you can’t always know which parts are true and which are embellished I guess, but I’m positive I wouldn’t be able to resist trying to get more of the story, especially if I were considering staying with him.  If you know you’re leaving either way, I’d get it, but it doesn’t sound like you’ve made up your mind.  Knowledge is power, OP – curious what stops you from wanting to get to the bottom of it?  

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