Post # 1
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
So my husband has one brother who is four years younger than he is. His brother goes to University and will be graduating May 16th. He changed his major so he’s graduating a year late and of course, as luck would have it my husband and I are due May 19th for our little girl. I didn’t notice the connection until a few days ago.
So I asked my husband what he would do if I went into labor the day his brother graduates. His response? “Well the baby wont remember if I’m there or not” my jaw I’m sure hit the ground.
It took some long thinking but since this is his first child I’m guessing it hasn’t really sunk in yet and wont until the baby is actually born. I went through similiar feelings with my daughter so I understand but really?
I don’t want him to miss his brothers graduation but considering the fact that I would be sitting there alone at the hospital having his child and he would “hurry home after graduation” is a bit unsettling. I brought this up with him last night and he apologized and said he didn’t mean for it to sound the way it did and I’m not upset with him but has anyone else had a spouse think so lightly of the birth of their first child? My husband really is a great guy so the only thing I can think is that it just doesn’t seem real to him yet.
I’m not mad at him, I’m really not. I did feel like slapping him upside the head though and I don’t want to make him feel worse for it so I’m here to I guess vent, get opinions and such from others?
Post # 3
Member
4780 posts
Honey bee
@Mrslovebug: I’d be pissed!
Post # 4
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
@Mrslovebug: Man! That would really hurt me. I understand that guys can be kind of clueless about labor/birth though. My husband was under the impression that husbands are not allowed in the delivery room. Ha!
There is absolutely no way I’d let my husband miss the birth! It’s not just about him meeting the baby for the first time, it’s about him being there for ME. So I’ve been slowly teaching him about how I will need him to be my emotional/physical support during labor. I’m going to hire a doula as well, to help us plan for ways to work together through labor. I’ve shown him some very sweet, non-graphic birth videos on youtube that demonstrate the vital role husbands play. We’re BOTH becoming parents that day, so it’s really important to me that we both fully present.
Post # 5
Member
1857 posts
Buzzing bee
Was he joking?
Obviously he’s not thinking clearly about the situation. Regardless if the *baby* remembers if he was there, you sure as hell will notice if he’s not there.
Post # 6
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
I would be livid. This is his child being born. How does he not see how important that is? Not to mention that you also will need his support throughout the labour and delivery. Things may change as the date approaches though. Do you guys live close to the brother?
Post # 7
Member
45 posts
Newbee
Try not to let it get you down so much. This is an impossible situation to theoretically discuss. Let him worry about it when the labor happens. Chances are it won’t be exactly at graduation time anyway. People don’t always do what they say they will, and he might just surprise you in the moment.
Post # 8
Member
4153 posts
Honey bee
I’d be so so so upset if my husband chose ANYTHING else. This is one of the most special moments in your lives. If he didn’t have a choice (like he worked out of town and the baby was early or something along those lines) obviously that’s a different story. I hope your husband reconsiders…
Post # 9
Member
5246 posts
Bee Keeper
@Mrslovebug: I really hope he was joking and if not I would be PISSED!!!! Does he expect you to go through the birth of your child alone?
Post # 10
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
@Mrslovebug: That is completely unacceptable. He should be there not only for the baby, BUT FOR YOU! Does he not know how painful, scary, emotional giving birth is? He may not know how common it is for people not to actually make it their due date.
I would make him watch about 100 births on YouTube, 50% C-section, 45% vaginal births and 5% of births that go horribly wrong.Let him see time and time again how woman really do rely on their partners to be there.
I would also bring him to your next OBGYN appointment and have the doctor talk some sense into him. If that doesnt work, just call his mother! (If you think she will be in agreeance, I would think any human would agree, giving birth is not a SOLO activity)
Post # 11
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
@Mrslovebug: No, the child may not remember. But if anything, he needs to be there for YOU.
Post # 12
Member
3260 posts
Sugar bee
@Mrslovebug: When you send him the “I’m in labour” text, he’ll forget whatever the hell else he was doing, and get his ass home.
Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
I would rip right into him for this.
The baby may not remember, but you will and he will. He’ll miss holding the child, naming it, celebrating its life with your family.
I can’t help but think what if the worst happens (god forbid) and there is an emergency for either yourself or the baby. He could wind up missing out on an extremely important last chance moment because he wanted to go to a graduation. Or there could be an important decision to be made and you are left to make it all alone without his input.
Post # 14
Member
763 posts
Busy bee
@Mrslovebug: He does realize the labor isn’t about the baby as much as its about you and keeping you sane during it right? Because thats essentially why your husband is there other than to see your child for the first time. He’s being a little off on his logic here. If this were my husband he would be getting one hell of an earful from me
Post # 15
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@Mrslovebug: I wouldn’t be mad at the fact that he doesn’t seem to place a high importance on being there for the birth itself (as far as seeing it all and needing to meet his child the second it comes into the world). However, I would be very pissed that he wouldn’t want to be there to support me!
I actually asked my husband before we got married if he was okay with being in the room when I gave birth (some guys don’t want to be). Honestly, if he said no I would have definitely had to re-think getting married. It’s important for him to be there to support me. He got me into this mess, he can help me get out!
Also, it would take something a lot more important than a graduation for me to understand missing the birth of your child for.
Post # 16
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
I’m going to agree with your assumption that it hasn’t “hit him” yet. Be nice and if he asks again, just tell him you’re surprised that he wouldn’t want to be there for the birth of your child. Is it safe to assume that you have family that’s completely estatic for the arrival of your little one? If so, I’d wait for them to get word about his intentions and let them ream him out. I’m sure any good about to be Grandma would throw a few choice words that may make him rethink his decision. 🙂
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