(Closed) Husband chooses brothers graduation over birth of his first child :O

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 62
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

this would be a non-issue because he would be there from start to finish. no questions asked. AND HE WOULD LIKE IT.

Post # 63
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsPanda99:  I have seen people a lot more dense, both guys and girls.  I always give people the benefit of the doubt that until everything is laid on the table that they might not get everything.  His choice seems right now to be “brother or baby” and he doesn’t get that his choice is really “wife in need or brother.”  I see a lot of people assuming that people always “get it” and it never seems to end well when people make that assumption.  And again, maybe they have been, and in that case, he needs to be smacked. 

Post # 64
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m due April 9th with #2.  DD12 has a soccer tournament 1.5 hours away the weekend before.  We’ve already said we aren’t going.  Particularly considering my last birth I was done in 7 hours.  I’m terrified this baby will come in 5 hours or less.  

Post # 65
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Someone would be sleeping on the couch for a long time!!!!  

Post # 66
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Mrslovebug:  show your husband this thread. It sounds like he isn’t thinking clearly and is acting like a douche canoe, and seeing how ALL of us are reacting to this might just be the kick in the pants he needs to actually consider someone elses needs.

You and baby are HIS FAMILY. He made a new family with you that trumps all others. In the past men weren’t involved in the birth of their children, but times have changed and if you need/want him there for support, he has to suck up whatever reservations he has about it because your needs are much, much more important than his in this situation. Giving birth is not a vacation, and there are very real complications, issues, and emotional strains that he must be there to help you through.

It doesn’t seem like your husband can see past his own needs and wants to see the whole picture of how his actions can have profound implications.

I can’t imagine how my feelings toward my Fiance would change (and you can bet your sweet ass they would, for the worse) if he intentionally left me alone in pain to face whatever came during the birth of OUR CHILD.

Post # 67
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

This wouldn’t be an issue, my SO would either be at the birth or he’d need to live somewhere else. To miss your child’s birth over a gradution ceremony is ridiculous. His parents can video tape it and he can watch it later.

Post # 68
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

‘Even with modern medicine- the day(s) a woman gives birth is (are) still statistically the most dangerous in her life apart from the day she was herself born’. Does he not realise that although most women and babies are fine- the very nature of childbirth and labour mean that things can go wrong very very quickly? I think he is seriously underestimating the significance of what is going on.

 

Post # 69
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Yeah, I would not be okay with that. DH is willing to miss his only brother’s wedding on the off-chance that I am not able to drive the 3 hours at that point in my pregnancy (I will be almost full term), and that is as it should be. it sucks to miss a major life event, but what is more major than BIRTH? That’s the beginning of everything!

Post # 70
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

@Mrslovebug:  That’s crazy, I would be really upset by that.
Fiance is really worried I’ll go into labor while he’s at work (hour drive away). I can’t imagine anything short of his mother having a heart attack that he would put before being there.

Post # 71
Member
12326 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

He probably just wasn’t really thinking.  I mean, he’s right, baby wont remember.  And since you have another child, maybe he just thinks it’s no new and you’d be ok without him.  There are women who wouldn’t mind, I know someone whos husband happen to be on a ski trip on the other side of the US when she gave birth.  She ok’ed the trip, knew the risk, and really didnt mind that he wasnt there for the birth of their first child.

Post # 72
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mrslovebug:  Wow. That’s crazy. Don’t his parents even want to be in town when you give birth to their grandchild?

My cousin is getting married at the same time my SIL is due to have her second child. My mother was like “I’m not missing my grandchild being born to go to some wedding!” It’s not as if she’ll be in the room, but she feels it’s important to be at the hospital. 

Post # 73
Member
628 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hope you husband comes around.  If you live in my town I’ll take you to the hospital!

Post # 74
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Mrslovebug:  Oh my god. It’s not an exaggeration to say that the birth of your first child is one of the most important moments of your marriage, and of your lives. I’m sure his brothers graduation is something he really wants to be there for, but this is his child we’re talking about here. Will he feel the same way about the baby’s first word, first steps, first birthday etc? Just because the baby won’t remember doesn’t mean it’s not important for him to be there. 

Post # 75
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Ummm, I would’ve said some pretty nasty things back to him for sure!  Good for you for not blowing your lid.  Maybe if you try and relate it to something that he would want you to be present for, for him it would help him understand? I don’t know because the birth of your first kid is a pretty major one. 

Post # 76
Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Not to say anything dark in relation to YOU, I’m just saying this in relation to pregnancy/childbirth in general:

“Honey, graduation doesn’t come with a risk of death. Birth is a bigger deal than graduation.”

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