(Closed) Husband chooses brothers graduation over birth of his first child :O

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 77
5 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, that just isn’t right. He must have been joking? And it isn’t a funny joke either!

Post # 78
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Hell fucking no. If I am going through something that painful I would want the support of my husband, and if he chooses his brother’s graduation over the birth of his child then he’s not picking his brother over something the baby won’t remember- he’s leaving you alone during a really important and painful milestone, so he can go sit in a chair and watch his brother get handed a certificate? No.

Post # 79
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Mrslovebug:  Here where I see the PROBLEM. Forget what I would say or do to my husband the REAL ISSUE here in that his priorities are WRONG. Things need to change. He needs to change and he also needs a reality check.

Post # 80
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Mrslovebug:  Holy s***. I thought this was going to be a news item, not a real life story of a Bee. Of course your husband needs to be there. It’s not for baby’s sake, it’s for yours!!

Here in Australia we’ve had professional AFL players miss finals games (i.e. playoffs) in favour of their child’s birth. And rightly so. A birth trumps just about anything. Your husband’s attitude, putting his brother (who won’t even notice he’s there) ahead of you, boggles my mind.

Perhaps tell him to create a Wedding Bee account and plead his case here, if he dares. Heck, I bet even on a male discussion he’d get torn to shreds.

Post # 81
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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@paula1248:  that’s a good point! I was at a Red Sox game and one of the player’s actually left the field in the middle of the game because his wife went into labor (they made an annoucement). I thought it was pretty neat!

OP all I could think of when I read your post was OH HELL NO! There’s no way I would let my (future) husband do that. Tell him he needs to be there for you.

Post # 82
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Idk if he is just clueless or what but I’ll say my husband has been a bit ignorant about birth himself. Such as asking if my best friends husband was with her when she was in labor in November or still working. Lol. Guess he didn’t realize your paternity leave starts the second I get admitted!

Post # 83
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

@Mrslovebug:  I’d remind him that his child seeing baby pictures later with Dad not in it might remember the day he learned he wasn’t there when he was born.  Glad he is more understanding now though!

Post # 84
31 posts
  • Wedding: May 2015

Wow.  I can’t even.

In your situation, I’d tell him to make sure he packs real heavy for that graduation trip because he’ll need to make sure he has enough clothes to last not ever being let back into the house.

Post # 85
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Um. He needs a reality check. He is being extremely selfish and putting his wants above the NEEDS of you and your family. AND he is being passive aggressive about it (well I won’t go if you tell me not to….) really!?!? You shouldn’t even have to ask him to be there. Period. I would be so so so so so unbelievably disappointed in my DH if he acted this way. I’d probably even be snarky and say I hope that it’s not a reflection of his dedication as a father. Aren’t most graduations livestreamed online now? Can’t he watch it from the hospital?

Post # 86
9948 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am going to blame it on “Daddy Brain”

His just hasn’t ENGAGED yet.

If this is your first baby together, and you are due in May, then that makes you about half-way thru your Pregnancy…

And I’m guessing that so far things have gone rather smoothly.

So he probably thinks it is no big deal… You are Super-Mom and “got it” all under control

(Lol at the image you painted of trying to drive yourself to the Hospital mid contractions all the while finding child-care for your Daughter etc.  Any woman who’s been in labour would tell him he’s delusional on that front)

Is it possible that he’s read somewhere or heard, that babies can take a while to be born

That is true for # 1 (lol, the Mom’s # 1)

Cause infact someone needs to inform him of the fact that second babies can come pretty quickly and that YES he could miss the Birth entirely !!

You have every reason to be annoyed with him in my book (so truly understandable that you are)

But ya as the time gets closer, and having this baby becomes more and more a reality to him (your growing belly, discomfort, trips to see Scans etc)

Hopefully his “Daddy Brain” will develop to where it should be at and he’ll see the error in this thinking that he can be in two places at one time, and not even chance the trip to his Brother’s Graduation (albeit only 3 hours away)

And that he’ll focus on the reality of the situation and becoming a Dad… and how awesome that can be to see the birth of your first born.

That far outweighs any Uni Graduation… even their own.


Post # 87
1863 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@starfish0116:  +1

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@Mrslovebug:  This is mind boggling to me! I can’t believe that your husband would even CONSIDER going to his brother’s graduation party. Seriously, who gives a crap about that! YOUR CHILD IS BEING BORN. I’m sorry but I’m glad to hear that you are happy with him and your marriage, but if my fiancé ever said anything like this to me, I’d really question who I married. 

Even if you don’t go into labor the same day, I would be forever pissed and hurt that he even spoke those words. I’m not sure I could look at him the same. That there may have been a chance where my husband would choose a graduation over the birth of his child. So wrong, on so many levels. 

Post # 88
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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@Mrslovebug:  In what world does a graduation even come close to being on the same level as the birth of your child????? The whole thing is ludicrous, he shouldn’t even be considering going AT ALL, there’s no way I would allow my Fiance to be any more than 30 mins from me around my due date, and he wouldn’t want to be!

Also, there’s every chance he could miss it altogether even if he did leave as soon as you go in to labor – my sister was born 45mins after my step-mum started having contractions! Expecting you to deal with it all alone is insane. You never know whats going to happen and you should absolutely without a doubt be his first priority. It’s a graduation for goodness sake! It’s a milestone yes but his brother should not take priority over you!

Post # 89
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

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@strawberriesandcream:  +1!

The fact he is even considering going would make me livid. To me, it’s not an option. at all. period. I would have a frank discussion about his priorities- this doesn’t bode well for the future of your family- he needs to man up. You have been selflessly carrying his child and he is too selfish to support you while you suffer through the birth? Hell no. He needs to be there (happily) with flowers for that one- maybe even something sparkly to make up for being a selfish, thoughtless doofus.

Post # 90
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Mrslovebug:  if i was his brother and his parents i would rather be there with you too!

Post # 91
429 posts
Helper bee

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@Miss_E_xx:  My feelings exactly! I would be pissed if he even considered going to the graduation after the baby was born, leaving me and our newborn in the hospital to go to a party…..Hell no!

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