(Closed) Husband chooses brothers graduation over birth of his first child :O

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 122
Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You didn’t say if the graduation is local. If it is, there’s almost no chance of the baby actually being born in the few hours the graduation ceremony is happening. I wouldn’t worry about an extremely unlikely hypothetical, esp since this is your first child, you’re likely to go past your due date. Good luck, and don’t let this be a point of stress for the next 4 months. 

Post # 123
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

i think he needs to be there for YOU because YOU need his support while having your child!! i would be so mad!

Post # 124
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

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@hippomama:  She said the ceremony was 3 hours away and he wouldn’t have a car and she can’t legally drive.

Post # 125
Member
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’d be upset with my DH if he thought it was okay to miss the birth of our child. With that being said, I’m guessing you two haven’t taken any tools for labor classes yet have you? I think once DH learns how important his role is as your support person for labor that his perspective will change. My sister asked me the other day if my husband knew that I expected him to be in the delivery room when we have our baby and I was like “of course & he’s planning on being there.” She was like “okay good, just making sure.” Also, since you have some time before baby arrives it might be a good idea to make friends with some neighbors or parents of your daughters classmates just so you do have a back up system in place, somewhere for your 6y/o to go if you go into the hospital at 2am or someone to call and have come over. 

Post # 126
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Wow. There are a LOT of responses, so I’m sure mine will get lost in the mix. Buuuut – no. Absolutely not. This might not be real to him yet, but he’s coming off extremely insnsitive. This is the first time his child will be coming into the world. This is the baby’s first chance at meeting his or her father. And not to mention YOU need him there, and for him to think you’d be a-okay with doing this all on your own is crazy.

Post # 127
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

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@hippomama:  

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@blueEyes90:  Yes to both of those.  Plus, this is her 2nd child and his first.  She’s less likely to go late with this one.

 

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@Zhabeego: I think you hit the nail right on the head.  

 

Post # 128
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

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@Zhabeego:  Going back and reading the responses, and I couldn’t agree more.

Post # 129
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Mrslovebug:  The man better be joking! Yes, the baby won’t remember but he’s there to provide support for you. You do not need emotional support at a frigging university graduation. I’ve had one, about to have another and I didn’t even see or speak to my family members/DH the whole time!

Post # 130
Member
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@barbie86:  Agreed – there are risks! My dad ended up being the first one to hold me when I was born, because my mum had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic after her C-section and ended up very sick and throwing up everywhere. If he wasn’t there, I would have just been put in a bed or something. Dad always says that was a really special moment for him and he would have been filthy if he’d missed the birth.

Post # 131
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I’m sorry, but through this post and some of your previous posts, your husband has shown himself to be an immature, selfish asshole. Not sure why you put up with his behavior…

 

Post # 132
Member
557 posts
Busy bee

He needs a smack in the face to bring him back into the reality of marriage and commitment. 

Post # 133
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Mrslovebug:  I think you’re very cool for not being upset:  I’d be livid if he even thought for a minute that he might choose anything  other than being with me during the birth of any child.  

As much as I am a relatively independent person, I didn’t marry my husband so we can walk through life changing events solo.  My husband is my best friend (my best adult friend, because my five year old is also my best)–  

I guess I know my husband well enough to know that he wouldn’t choose a graduation me, period (within reason)– you can video the graduation and watch it later.  I guess I can’t imagine his brother being OK with him choosing graduation over the birth of his child.

 

I sincerely commend you for handling the whole situation as you are!!

Post # 134
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Uhhh, what??!?? This man sounds so selfish, I cannot believe he is anywhere near ready to be a decent father. Seriously, now that he has made a tiny human, wifey and baby come before all else. Take him to the Dr. and see if they can remove your husband’s head from his arse before you give birth. Otherwise, I think you’re essentially going to end up being a single mom.

 

Post # 135
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

just want to say that I agree with previous posters that he just doesn’t get it yet- he hasn’t thought through all the health, emotional and practical ramifications. personally, a lovely husband – who is now an amazing father- did something similar to one of my best friends when she was 38 weeks pregnant. She was furious and he totally regrets it- but such an error does not necessarily doom him as a terrible husband or father in my opinion- just a husband who is currently making a very bad call. thinking of you OP- people are outraged because they sympathise x x x

 

Post # 136
Member
3313 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

To those saying he doesn’t get it yet… I’m in my 3rd month of pregnancy.  I’m not due until August, and my husband read this thread and said “What the hell is he thinking??”  3 months in and my hubby gets it perfectly.  It’s not even about whether the baby will care or the wife, the fact is that one day HE”LL look back and highly regret not being there.  

I get that you want to cut him some slack, but so far his further responses haven’t made me feel one bit better about his reaction overall.  I hope he comes to his senses and realizes how much he doesn’t WANT to miss the birth!! 

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