Husband decided he doesn't want a second child – ever.

posted 8 months ago in TTC
Post # 106
2768 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

OP – you haven’t commented on anything about the counselling suggestions or the suggestion to further keep your daughter in the loop by preparing her for the fact she might not have a sibling (to me if you will prepare her to have you, you need now to prepare her for not having one)

I 100% understand your feelings with regards to infertility. I have stated several times that I also had a 2 year + journey to pregnancy so I get it, I do. Infertility sucks balls big time! However, it can also throw up so many emotions and feelings and for some people they rationalise that by claiming to never have wanted what they can’t have. Without talking to your husband you can’t know if that is what is happening with him.

So often on here we see man-bashing. Calls to leave a good marriage or that a man is a POS for just being him and expressing an opinion which goes against the OP’s (in general not just this post) FWIW I don’t think it is wrong to change your mind about the number of children you have. My friend wanted three kids but she nearly died giving birth to the first. She has agreed to one more but each time she does it, her chances of dying are greater – which is better 2 kids with a mum alive or 3 with a dead mum? Sometimes shit happens and that can change your thoughts. For a moment I wanted 3 kids, then I saw just how miserable every parent of 3 kids I see looks and I will stick to 2 thank you.

He didn’t ‘let you’ go through the testing and treatment, you decided to go through with that and after such a long journey, sometimes it is just too much for one parent. Out of interest has he had his sperm tested? This could also be coming from a place of fear about there being shown an issue with him. This is very valid and it can be a huge thing for men to deal with.

So again – please please please seek counselling for you both to work through this.

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