(Closed) Husband demands I cook.. or else

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
Post # 121
Member
800 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

“We will also be going to counseling on Saturday and I look forward to someone other than me telling him how it really is. At this point, I will do what I need to do on my part to make it work, but if he is going to continue his idiotic ways then I won’t hesititate to take other measures”

Ouch. I know I’m not a therapist…but damn thats condescending…

It takes two to to get married, and to make a marriage work. Counseling is needed in this situation, and while I don’t agree with the actions of her spouse,  the OP has to take ownership on her actions too. This didn’t just develop overnight, and BOTH parties are guilty. Both will need to fix their communication, and compromise.

Post # 122
Member
9379 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my husband is the cook in our family.  he cooks on sundays (usually) for the entire week.  he makes a couple of proteins, veggies, and startches.  that way, we can gra lunches and dinner and just heat when we are ready for a meal.

Post # 125
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee

I’d tell him to enjoy starvation.

Post # 126
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

If marriage counseling doesn’t work, I would leave. That emotional blackmail shit ( withholding love and affection ) does not fly. I’m sorry you are experiencing this 

Post # 127
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jrae05 :  Time to dump his entitled arse.

Post # 128
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

Tell him to hire a babysitter to watch your son while you cook. Also tell him dinner will be ready at 6pm on the dot, and if he is not there he can microwave it. 

I’m sorry he’s such an asshole. Or you know what, tell him to hire a damn cook. 

Post # 129
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

He’s talking a lot about his needs, but does he care about yours? It works both ways. Let him know what YOU NEED and see if he’s willing to find a compromise.

Just curious did his Mom also work a full time job?

Post # 130
Member
2667 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

My husband is hispanic and was raised with Hispanic traditional roles. His mom does all of the cleaning and cooking and his dad works and comes home and expects a home cooked meal to be served to him. She also waits on him hand and foot. He doesn’t help with the chores at all. Now when my husband and I moved in and then got married and had our first child, I ran into the same situation you did. “Why is the house a mess.” “Why haven’t you cooked dinner”. My husband was really used to woman doing all of the house work and cooking. We fought about it hard core and it almost led to a divorce. We sat down and had a civilized conversation. He always said how his mother did this and that and that I don’t. I said, well I’m not your mother I’m your wife. We have a newborn and I can’t always have the house sparkling clean and a hot meal ready for him. Then thay weekend, I left him alone with our daughter for the whole day. He had to do the same exact things he expected from me. When I came uome, the house was a mess and dinner had not been cooked. I told him…now you know how I feel. It’s not easy is it? From thay point on we shared chores and cooking. My husband is no longer like that. I recommend ya’ll do go to counseling and leave him for a whole day with the kids and see what happens. Sometimes men have to learn the hard way. Show him a lesson. Plus…he sounds like an asshole that wants a woman that will take care of him like his mother did. He’s a man child. If this behavior does not change fast…run for the hills.

Post # 131
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee

I’m horrified at the fact that there are women today who are still doing all the chores even if they are working full time or working part time or looking after children (which is much harder than working full time).

On the subject of cooking I would like to say that being unable to read is a reasonable excuse for not being able to follow instructions from a cookbook.  Possession of a penis is NOT a reasonable excuse.   Nor does possessing such an organ prevent its owner from vacuuming, dusting, clothes washing, bed making or childcare (even if this testosterone-related item seems to be an essential qualification if you want to be leader of the Republican Party – I have no idea why – I would have thought that it could prove a bit of a distraction if Bill Clinton’s presidency is anything to go by). 

I hope that you are impressed by the way I managed to get the words “cookbook”, “penis”, “vacuuming”, “Republican Party” and “Bill Clinton” all in the same paragraph – thus covering topics of culinary expertise, anatomy, suction,  politics and adultery in order to make the most essential of feminist points:

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SUBMIT TO GENDER STEREOTYPING!

There.  I feel much better now I’ve said it.

Have a nice day.

Post # 132
Member
668 posts
Busy bee

Have you read The 5 Love Languages? I feel like this is an example of two people not getting their love languages met (yours= touch and his= service.) 

Post # 133
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
xo_futuremrsbear :  Why are these five love languages deemed to be separate?  Surely the idea in marriage is to do all of them – frequently.

Post # 134
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Run bee, run 🙁 I think he needs a servant… and you deserve a husband, not a Master. Courage to you! I hope you go, you deserve better!

Post # 135
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

If things don’t get better I suggest this:

get a crockpot, tie a bow on it, and tell him that if he demands that his wife better have a hot meal ready for him the instant he walks through the door, that he better marry it instead

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