(Closed) Husband discovered some things about my sexual past and now wants a divorce

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
1165 posts
Bumble bee

It seems like a major overreaction…you never lied to him or cheated on him…I am sorry you are going through this Bee. He had no right to Snoop.

Post # 3
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This is… strange to say the least. Sure I could understand him being unhappy about the pictures or reading anything about your sexual past; but this? His reaction is just out of proportion. You have a sexual past, so what?

It seems like he knew what he was looking for in your emails. Is there a chance these pictures have ended up online and his friends had seen them and told him about them?

All very strange. I’m sorry you’re going through this ☹️

Post # 4
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

If he was snooping as far back as 2004, it sounds like he was looking for a reason to end things anyway.  I’m really sorry.

Post # 5
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Uh, he can fuck himself. If those emails described events that took place while you were in an exclusive relationship with your husband, I could understand his reaction, but it happened long before you got together. 

So many red flags here and unforgivable things – I don’t even know where to begin. The fact that he snooped your email is terrible, but his rage over the fact that you had sex with other people before him – somethng you never even tried to hide – is flatly insane. 

Has he ever showed signs of being a controlling, jealous maniac before? I find it really shocking if this is completely out of the blue.

I don’t even know what advice to give you – I really feel for you having a child already and another on the way. But the LAST thing you should be doing is apologizing to him for any of this. You are not a “disgusting whore” becauase you had sex with people while you were single. Welcome to being a fucking human in the 21st century. I’m sure your husband did the exact same thing.

Do you have family nearby you can stay with right now or that could support you? I’m not even sure I want to suggest counseling – your husband sounds downright abusive and I don’t think counseling is a good idea in those situations. I don’t know bee – I’m just really sorry.

Post # 6
4950 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Huuuuge overreaction. It’s not even like he found out you participated in an orgy or something more “out there”, you have a normal sexual past. 

My first thought is that he’s projecting and he snooped because he has something to hide. Whatever the reason, I’m sorry, Bee. Is couple’s counseling an option? 

Post # 9
6162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Ya I don’t buy it. 2004? That’s a bit desperate. He probably DOES want a divorce though and was happy to have found something he could throw at you. Plus the fact that you’re pregnant and he decided to go crazy on you, without thinking about how the stresa could affect you and your baby is insane. Id tell him no problem about the divorce, file the papers. Disgusting whore? He’s a f***ing psychopath waking you up, going behind your back and sifting through your email. I don’t think this is the first time he’s verbally abused you like that. I’d leave his ass asap. Who needs a loser like that in their life. He has 0 respect for you. Good luck.

Post # 10
600 posts
Busy bee

Seems to me like she’s up to something himself. Hes definitely looking for a reason to leave and he had to go back 14 years to find it?!

Post # 13
7518 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
sciencegirl916 :  That’s so weird. I definitely think something else is going on with him. Maybe he’s cheating himself and lashing out at you as a pathetic way of coping with his guilt. I don’t know. But as pp said, what the hell made him snoop your emails from 16 years ago in the first place? People don’t just up and do that. Something is up and I bet it doesn’t have anything to do with you.

Next time you talk to him, please try not to apologize. You should be the one demanding an apology and explanation from HIM, not the reverse. I would tell him that if he actually wants to divorce you over this, he can be your guest, because it says a lot more about him than it does about you.

Post # 14
5014 posts
Bee Keeper

Are you sure he isnt cheating himself?  If not sexually then perhaps emotionally or financially, or he is just looking for an out.  Based on anecdotal evidence, the ones who go digging and flinging accusations are projecting and deflecting because they themselves are guilty of something.

A divorce may be a blessing.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t necessarily try to figure things out first, but simultaneously go through your bank accounts with a fine tooth comb, open a separate savings, and get yourself yourself tested for S T Ds.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  annabananabee. Reason: Edited because apparently weddingbee decided that they know better than I do what I intended to write and can't fathom that acronyms could have two different meanings

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