Post # 31
Thank you everyone for your responses. My mom came to pick up our child for a little while so my husband finally talked to me. We have a rule that we won’t fight around him.
He says part of the reason he looked in my email is that I’ve changed. I’m no longer interested in sex he says. Ummm hello things are going to change with a toddler and being 11 weeks pregnant and throwing up every day. But he says I changed before I was pregnant this time around. That I used to give him oral sex and no longer do and that sex is like a chore to me. He was wondering if something is going on with me cheating or at the very least no longer interested in him. I said all of this doesn’t change the fact that you are looking at emails from 14 years ago. If it was from a few months ago that’d be different. He says he knows that but he was devastated to see the emails and he feels I misrepresented myself in the beginning and that I’m not the person he thought I was. I get it-I’d be upset to see emails like that about him but I’d understand that was in the past. I reminded him I never represented myself in any way regarding my sexual history. I told him I imagined he had a similar sexual past.
He stated that he was upset to see me engaging in sexual acts that I don’t do with him. Meaning blow jobs. But I have engaged in oral sex with him on numerous occasions. It’s just lately that I haven’t.
I asked him if he’s cheating and he said no he’s not. I explained that it seems like he’s projecting his own issues onto me.
I feel a bit better that we talked but his answers don’t entirely account for his actions. He did apologize for calling me a disgusting whore but I just feel as though something is missing
Post # 32
This is something that drives me nuts about men in general, husband, boyfriend, whatever. Just because you may have had different sexual habits with one person, it doesnt mean the next one that comes along should be getting or will get the exact same thing. For him to hold over you, well you dont give as many blowjobs with him like you have with others, is disgusting behavior and childish at its finest, its not a contest, its sex. He needs to grow up.
Post # 33
definitively look into counseling with him. Tell him you don’t know what’s going on, why he’s turning everything against you but that seeing a therapist together is the most important thing now. Something is very fishy here and doesn’t add up.
So you’re a whore and he wants a divorce but now it’s because he’s not getting enough blow jobs? So which one is it? No. Makes no sense. I don’t believe him at all, sorry. But the truth will eventually come out.
Post # 34
So you’re a whore cause you won’t blow him?
Let’s assume he is speaking the truth that he has felt that something was off and stopped due to insecurity. But 2004. That requires a lot if work or searching for specific senders etc. The amount of time here is the problem.
Post # 35
Your husband isn’t cheating, he’s just totally insecure. He’s probably wondering if your prior partners were bigger than he is. And he’s upset that you’re not giving him tons of bjs, so the logical response is to call you a whore – the mother of hus children! What a colossal @$$hole. OP at this point I don’t know how you can even look at him, let alone speak to him. You can do counseling, but I think it will not be effective and it’s not going to make the hurt go away. Maybe time will do that IF your husband is truly contrite and does some sort of penance for his shitty behavior.
Post # 37
So you are 11 weeks pregnant, barfing all the time, and also have a toddler, and your husband thought now was a good time to lose his fucking mind because he’s not getting enough BJs, and hack into your email from over a decade ago to dig up ancient “dirt” on you, and then call you a disgusting whore and tell you he wants a divorce?
I’d be so fucking done. I know that’s not helpful but seriously, I’m fuming and I don’t even know you. Has he in any way shape or form acknowledged what a completely cruel, selfish, misogynistic piece of shit he is being?
ETA: And that’s not even getting into the whole slut shaming, “you aren’t the person I thought you were” bullshit. The fact that he could even think that about you because you had sexual partners before him is just beyond the pale. Was he a virgin when he met you? Even if he was, it’s inexcusable. I had an ex who used to make comments like this too even though he’d actually had more partners than I had…I’m still kicking myself for not dumping his ass the first time he ever tried to slut shame me about my history.
Post # 38
I totally agree with this. I couldn’t come back from this, personally. I’m so sorry to read this whole story and wish the OP all the best.
Post # 39
So he apologized for calling you a whore, but does he still want a divorce? I’m honestly sooo confused by this whole thing. I don’t necessarily think he’s cheating, but there are like 12 pieces of the puzzle missing.
Post # 40
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
He sounds like a psychopath! Honestly, I’d be out. I also have a very low tolerance for what I’ll allow a partner to say to me. Don’t let him make you feel bad for your past!
Post # 42
This all sounds really bizarre. I would never ever snoop through my husband’s accounts like that. I seriously don’t want to know what he did before he met me. I had some sexual encounters in my past that were rather impulsive. I’m sure he did, too. That’s the past and I prefer to leave it there.
Post # 43
I don’t think there’s an explanation that could make me overlook being called a disgusting whore by my husband.
Then the fact that he went through your emails, woke you up to verbally abuse you, and is STILL trying to paint you in a bad light for giving a blowjob to someone in while in COLLEGE- I know you have children and it would be best to work things out but honestly he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness.
Post # 44
I feel exactly the same. Dh and I know we both had our escapades before meeting each other but we’ve never discussed it in any detail, and I have no desire to do so. I don’t know what his “number” is, and he doesn’t know what mine is, and that’s how we both like it. Who we slept with before we met each other just has zero relevance to our relationship.
Post # 45
You know when people (especially men) go snooping even when their partner has not given them any reason for suspicion? When they have done something wrong… and are now feeling guilty but trying to talk themselves out of coming clean… like “well Im sure she isn’t perfect either so I dont have to feel terrible about what I did…” type though process… and then “let me see if I can find anything to throw in her face if we end up having a blow out about my mistakes when she finds out” OR one of his friends found something out about his wife or gf and told him and then your husband went “omg that is disgusting… what if my wife did something like that… I must know…” OR he wants yo divorce you for some reason and decided to go digging deep to see if he may findnsome dirt… because he is again likely doing something wrong. He may have been looking for something as far back as when you met but fell down the rabbit hole when he didnt and went deeper… I cant think of any other reason why he would try to dig stuff feom almost 15 years ago … thst is like 5 years before you guys even met. What if you would go that far…ugh this is so dumb. I’m sorry you are going through this.