(Closed) Husband discovered some things about my sexual past and now wants a divorce

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 32
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

This is something that drives me nuts about men in general, husband, boyfriend, whatever. Just because you may have had different sexual habits with one person, it doesnt mean the next one that comes along should be getting or will get the exact same thing. For him to hold over you, well you dont give as many blowjobs with him like you have with others, is disgusting behavior and childish at its finest, its not a contest, its sex. He needs to grow up. 

Post # 33
Member
6165 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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sciencegirl916 :  definitively look into counseling with him. Tell him you don’t know what’s going on, why he’s turning everything against you but that seeing a therapist together is the most important thing now. Something is very fishy here and doesn’t add up. 

So you’re a whore and he wants a divorce but now it’s because he’s not getting enough blow jobs? So which one is it? No. Makes no sense. I don’t believe him at all, sorry. But the truth will eventually come out.

 

Post # 34
Member
1533 posts
Bumble bee

So you’re a whore cause you won’t blow him?

Let’s assume he is speaking the truth that he has felt that something was off and stopped due to insecurity. But 2004. That requires a lot if work or searching for specific senders etc. The amount of time here is the problem. 

Post # 35
Member
5123 posts
Bee Keeper

Your husband isn’t cheating, he’s just totally insecure. He’s probably wondering if your prior partners were bigger than he is. And he’s upset that you’re not giving him tons of bjs, so the logical response is to call you a whore – the mother of hus children! What a colossal @$$hole. OP at this point I don’t know how you can even look at him, let alone speak to him. You can do counseling, but I think it will not be effective and it’s not going to make the hurt go away. Maybe time will do that IF your husband is truly contrite and does some sort of penance for his shitty behavior. 

Post # 36
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee

Go get tested for STIs.

Post # 37
Member
7527 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

So you are 11 weeks pregnant, barfing all the time, and also have a toddler, and your husband thought now was a good time to lose his fucking mind because he’s not getting enough BJs, and hack into your email from over  a decade ago to dig up ancient “dirt” on you, and then call you a disgusting whore and tell you he wants a divorce?

I’d be so fucking done. I know that’s not helpful but seriously, I’m fuming and I don’t even know you. Has he in any way shape or form acknowledged what a completely cruel, selfish, misogynistic piece of shit he is being?

ETA: And that’s not even getting into the whole slut shaming, “you aren’t the person I thought you were” bullshit. The fact that he could even think that about you because you had sexual partners before him is just beyond the pale. Was he a virgin when he met you? Even if he was, it’s inexcusable. I had an ex who used to make comments like this too even though he’d actually had more partners than I had…I’m still kicking myself for not dumping his ass the first time he ever tried to slut shame me about my history.

Post # 38
Member
374 posts
Helper bee

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tiffanybruiser :  I totally agree with this. I couldn’t come back from this, personally. I’m so sorry to read this whole story and wish the OP all the best.

Post # 39
Member
8371 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

So he apologized for calling you a whore, but does he still want a divorce? I’m honestly sooo confused by this whole thing. I don’t necessarily think he’s cheating, but there are like 12 pieces of the puzzle missing. 

Post # 40
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

He sounds like a psychopath! Honestly, I’d be out. I also have a very low tolerance for what I’ll allow a partner to say to me. Don’t let him make you feel bad for your past!

Post # 41
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Ooops

Post # 42
Member
2975 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

This all sounds really bizarre. I would never ever snoop through my husband’s accounts like that. I seriously don’t want to know what he did before he met me. I had some sexual encounters in my past that were rather impulsive. I’m sure he did, too. That’s the past and I prefer to leave it there. 

Post # 43
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think there’s an explanation that could make me overlook being called a disgusting whore by my husband.

 

Then the fact that he went through your emails, woke you up to verbally abuse you, and is STILL trying to paint you in a bad light for giving a blowjob to someone in while in COLLEGE- I know you have children and it would be best to work things out but honestly he doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. 

Post # 44
Member
7527 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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lulubelle2017 :  I feel exactly the same. Dh and I know we both had our escapades before meeting each other but we’ve never discussed it in any detail, and I have no desire to do so. I don’t know what his “number” is, and he doesn’t know what mine is, and that’s how we both like it. Who we slept with before we met each other just has zero relevance to our relationship. 

Post # 45
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

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sciencegirl916 :  You know when people (especially men) go snooping even when their partner has not given them any reason for suspicion? When they have done something wrong… and are now feeling guilty but trying to talk themselves out of coming clean… like “well Im sure she isn’t perfect either so I dont have to feel terrible about what I did…” type though process… and then “let me see if I can find anything to throw in her face if we end up having a blow out about my mistakes when she finds out” OR one of his friends found something out about his wife or gf and told him and then your husband went “omg that is disgusting… what if my wife did something like that… I must know…” OR he wants yo divorce you for some reason and decided to go digging deep to see if he may findnsome dirt… because he is again likely doing something wrong. He may have been looking for something as far back as when you met but fell down the rabbit hole when he didnt and went deeper… I cant think of any other reason why he would try to dig stuff feom almost 15 years ago … thst is like 5 years before you guys even met. What if you would go that far…ugh this is so dumb. I’m sorry you are going through this. 

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