(Closed) Husband discovered some things about my sexual past and now wants a divorce

posted 1 year ago in Married Life
Post # 61
Member
6234 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

sciencegirl916 :  OP- I’m sorry that just a few days ago, you thought you were in a strong and happy marriage and building a family with your partner and now, you’re dealing with the fact that your husband is a selfish asshole, a judgmental piece of shit and a dumbass on top of all that. This is the kind of fuckery that takes root and destroys a marriage- even if not immediately- but it comes up 2 and 5 and 10+ years from now when things are irretrievably broken because it’s a serious wound and a betrayal of trust.

In your position, I would make it a requirement to find some way to address the many ways his behavior has been a transgression against you, your trust, your relationship and your family, or I would show up with divorce papers and give them to him myself.

It sounds like he was spoiling for a fight and rather than just coming to you about it, he let his mouth write a check his ass wasn’t ready to cash. What is he going to do when you have two children needing your attention and energy? What are YOU going to do when you’re taking care of two kids under three and this fool is someplace sulking because you haven’t sucked his dick recently enough for him? I wouldn’t be comfortable just moving forward because I’d constantly be wondering what the next fucked up thing he was going to do would be. You are exceedingly generous if you allow this to be a teachable moment for him.

Post # 62
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

He’ll get over it. He just needs time. Also, maybe try having quality regular date nights.

Post # 63
Member
7040 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

ImMrsSnow :  Yep, this!

Sounds to me like he’s just hunting for a reason to bail on this marriage. He either wants out and is to chicken shit to just say it (because I mean, hello, who leaves your pregnant wife?) or he’s been cheating and he’s hoping to deflect off of him and onto you. I would 100% not put up with that shit and I would seriously be rethinking my marriage. That being said I completely understand that being pregnant and with another kid makes things a lot harder. 

Post # 64
Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Malibou Lake Mountain Club

sciencegirl916 :  oh sweetheart. this sounds awful and disgusting from his part!!! the past is the past! and youve been loyal to him. and seems this guy just wants out somehow. Of course things change when one is pre-during-post pregnancy. my god!!!! so selfish!!! he is a grade A monster. and dont say you were promiscuous. thats a double standard. a guy is seen as a “player.” you lived your life, and you know what, thats totally fine!!!! 

Post # 66
Member
2458 posts
Buzzing bee

I would not be able to forgive him, personally.  

And to those who suggested regular date nights? The asshat doesn’t deserve a date night.  It would only reinforce a messed up dynamic that he can get his way/needs by acting like a beastly little gobshite.

Post # 67
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

purplepixel :  seriously? The guy went through his wife’s phone, digging through 14 years worth of emails, called her a disgusting whore, and you’re suggesting they have date nights?

Post # 69
Member
12226 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Not that it matters at all but to all those saying he had to dig through 14 years of emails, maybe not.  He might have just done a search for an ex boyfriend’s name or some other keyword and they came up. 

Post # 70
Member
709 posts
Busy bee

Protect your assets! A divorce seems inevitable, I’m so sorry, bee. No one deserves this. You said you were selling a house, is this some ploy to ensure you don’t get your fair share? 

Post # 71
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

techmom :  good point about the house, I didnt catch that detail.

OP if he likes to play dirty and is trying to weazel his way out of his marriage and cheat you out of assets I would hire a Private Inverstigator to find ALL the dirt on him. Then when all the cards are on the table for both then you can talk…maybe. 

Post # 72
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

OP I suggest you do some serious snooping on HIM. See what he’s been up to. 

Post # 73
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

This sounds all too exhausting to be dealing with while pregnant (I am too and I would be so upset and angry) and with a toddler. What a horrible thing for him to do to you! I wouldn’t have the energy to play detective or snoop on him and you shouldn’t have to! What he did is not okay and it’s not okay for him to suck your energy into this crazy situation. I would be getting him to move out, unless/until he can explain himself and be truly remorseful for what he’s put you through. These are not the actions of a supportive loving husband that you need right now. I would find it more draining to be around him than doing it aloneif he were staying somewhere else. I would not just be able to forgive and forget this very selfish behaviour, whether there is more to the story or not what he did is not acceptable. 

Post # 74
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

TBH Id turn this back on him. 

He is holding some kind of false power at what you did ‘wrong’ and giving you silent treatment.

Id be approaching him and saying- “Pack your bags and stay with your friend for a few nights. I need space.  We have been together almost a DECADE and we have a child with another on the way!! Your actions were pathetic and outageous and I need time to consider how you have treated me so disrespectfully.”

 

Coz right now he still has some crazy idea hes in the right and that needs to be shut down ASAP. He should be groveling at your feet right now. He needs to realise that if he going to act crazy and throw divorce and whore out so easily he needs to deal with the consequences- and that may be counselling. How can you fully trust him? 

Definitely kick him out and have your friend or mama come stay. He doesnt get home comforts right now 😠

Post # 75
Member
36 posts
Newbee

You need to stop being the submissive housewive here. You did nothing wrong but he did. Tell him to leave. He is disgusting really, tell him communication from the on is through lawyers, secure your assets.

 

When somebody asks what is going on tell them the full truth, your husband wanted the easy way out and left you while pregnant. You have done NOTHING wrong.

The sex thing is the worst kind of excuse as it shows he is lacking empathy for you all together and I would openly tell anyone who asks his mum, his dad, his friends so they realize what a pig he is.

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