(Closed) Husband discovered some things about my sexual past and now wants a divorce

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 76
Member
5114 posts
Bee Keeper

Kick his pathetic ass out the door. Stop giving him control of the situation and assert yourself. Stop being afraid he’ll divorce you. Secure your assets and see a lawyer. I wouldn’t be able to look at his pathetic face without being sick. 

Post # 77
Member
1615 posts
Bumble bee

Fuck him. Call a lawyer.

Post # 78
Member
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you didn’t have children my advice would be to call his bluff and dump him for being a proper arse hole…. but you do have kids so I think you need to be 100% sure that there isn’t some kind of explination for this.

Was your currently pregnancy planned? I only ask because it could be that he is having a major freak out about having another baby. No excuse for his behaviour but could explain why the sudden 180…

However, I think you need to sit your husband down and be very firm with him on a few points.

1) You are not in the wrong so the silent treatment stops now!

2) He needs to give you an unreserved apology for snooping and calling you a whore – no ifs or buts just an I’m sorry

3) He needs to go to counselling with you and be 100% honest about what sparked his snooping and why he was digging up emails from 5 years before you were together.

I am so sorry he is doing this to you while you’re pregnant (I have an almost 2 year old and am pregnant with our second so know just how crap you feel and how much you might not want sex right now)

Post # 79
Member
35 posts
Newbee

View original reply
Twizbe :  I dont think any of this will help to me that guy has checked out of the marriage he wants to leave and just needed to somehow make the fault go to her not him.

Post # 80
Member
3518 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
kuko :  I agree that he could just be looking for an out where he isn’t the bad guy. But as there are children invovled then she needs to push for something from him.

 

Post # 81
Member
35 posts
Newbee

View original reply
Twizbe :  She needs to push for child support that is what she needs

Post # 82
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

What an ass!  This isn’t your mess to clean up. Call a lawyer. If he wants to put your relationship back together, it’s on him to figure it out. 

Also: snooping, name calling, sexually shaming you while trying to coerce you into sexual activity you’re not into, all while you’re PREGNANT ffs?  This has future abuse written all over it.  Get a therapist who has dealt with abused women before.  You’re likely to need an impartial third party to be a sanity check. 

 

Post # 83
Member
6944 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

How. Fucking. Dare. He. 

He’s giving YOU the silent treatment?!?! That’s rich. What an asshole. 

Post # 84
Member
5114 posts
Bee Keeper

I don’t think you need a therapist. You need a lawyer. Preferably one who will take this scumbag to the cleaners. But do it now!

Post # 85
Member
4203 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

I’m so sorry this is happening! I would highly suggest going through his phone. Its incredibly normal for your sex life to change when you have kids, cmon… every one knows that! A normal husband would talk to you about it… not riffle through over a decade worth of emails to find reasons to slut-shame you. This doesn’t sit right with you because its NOT right. Something else is up and I wouldn’t be signing up for any counseling sessions until you figure out what it is.

Also, I highly recommend getting royally pissed off about this… the fact that HE is giving YOU the cold shoulder? I don’t fucking think so. You did absolutely nothing wrong, none of your actions have caused his behavior; he should be incredibly embarrassed and grovelling right about now. Why the hell isnt he?? This righteous indignation he’s got going on doesnt match the situation, which means theres more going on than he’s admitting to. I’d be going through alllll his shit. Phone, email, facebook… If something doesn’t feel right, it isnt right. 

Post # 86
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

He’s cheating on you and is trying to make you the bad guy.

Post # 87
Member
4314 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I like to think I’m a relatively forgiving person,  but there’s a limit. This is past the limit.

Personally,  i couldn’t forget my husband treating me this way over *nothing*. Snooping in my private correspondences (from before i knew him, so REALLY none of his business), calling me vile names, using divorce to punish me, using the silent treatment….tbh any of those things on their own would push me towards at least a separation,  but all of them? Fuck. No.

I dgaf if he agrees to counseling. You don’t owe it to him to go to counseling when he treats you like this, or to wait around for him to treat you better. And your kids certainly don’t need to be around this behavior,  or in a house where their mom is mistreated. 

Post # 88
Member
202 posts
Helper bee

i agree with bees who are saying kick him out!

He’s giving you the silent treatment and sneering at you etc.. because it makes you and him both feel like he has the upper hand and/or moral high ground.  HE DOES NOT.  He is a steaming POS and does not deserve to stay in your home 

Post # 89
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

maybe it wasn’t so much of the sexual nature of the emails, but rather WHY you kept them.  All previous relationship thing should be deleted/ removed from your life to start new & fresh with someone and to Let go of the past. 

I agree, the past is the past and doesn’t label what type of person you are now and the person  he fell in love with, married and started a family.  There may be more to it – you guys defiitely need to get to the bottom of Why he was snooping to begin with as well. 

Good luck Bee. 

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