- 3 years ago
My husband is the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with. (Maybe that’s a given, but I want y’all to know I plan to figure this out within my marriage.) I truly believe he has the best of intentions, but there’s been a consistent pattern in our relationship of me telling him directly what I need from him, him agreeing to give me what I need, and then him not following through.
The most recent example is him inviting people to come away with us on Thanksgiving weekend without getting my opinion on it first.
There’s something I brought up that we’ve been wanting to try that will strengthen our marriage but that we need to learn about first; I’ve searched for a resource with no luck, and he said he’d look for one without my asking him to, but he hasn’t. I guess I consider this a need of mine because I brought it up and might be more interested than he is.
I’ve asked him more than once to help me with keeping up the house, and he agrees but doesn’t do it – I’ll even ask him specifically sometimes to do a specific task, and it takes like a week. He even says he’s going to do things like that without me even asking, like giving the dog a bath or cleaning out the car, and weeks later he still hasn’t done it.
There are other things too, but I’ll leave it there. I talked to him recently and laid out how I feel when he doesn’t follow through, but it didn’t seem to have any affect. I sometimes wonder if I’m asking too much, but I’ve told him more than once that if he feels that way I’d rather he just told me that instead of saying he’ll do something and not doing it. I just really don’t know what to do about it. I feel like my only options are ask over and over again – which doesn’t solve the problem for a number of different reasons – or I just let it go, which of course doesn’t fix anything either and only works temporarily. I hate that he says he’s going to do things and that I don’t believe it.
We’ve been in a tense place for a few weeks now, and now he’s gone for work for a few weeks and only comes back right before the trip I mentioned above that he invited people to come on. I feel distant from him and like I don’t even want to try right now. But I want us to be connected and happy (see my first two sentences!). What (kind) advice do you have?