Husband doesn't last long in bed

posted 4 weeks ago in Intimacy
Post # 2
366 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry but your husband is a selfish jerk. Personally I’d give him one last chance to improve his behavior before replacing him with a vibrator. And no, it is not normal and not all guys last 2 minutes. There are obviously other issues here but nothing can excuse his disgusting attitude towards you.

Post # 3
2013 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

That’s not normal. He probably needs to see the doctor.

Post # 4
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

amelia1983 :  OP, if I do my sums correctly I assume you are 36 and your husband is in his early 50s? Sometimes age can affect performance but what the real issue here is, is that your husband is a selfish lover. (and most likely selfish in other aspects of his relationship with you 😒) 

If staying power isn’t his thing or in relms of possibility for him, he should be doing more to satisfy you with non Penis in vagina sexual activity. He should be concentrating on foreplay and making sure he makes you orgasm before he gets his jollies. I dated a guy previously who didn’t last a long time and he knew that about himself but he was always pretty upfront about it and tried to make sure it was enjoyable for me in other ways. Your husband should be trying to do that for you too but instead he takes without concern for your enjoyment. I’d give him two options. He either goes to see someone for help or he stops being selfish and puts in the effort to make you orgasm in other ways. If he doesn’t chose to follow through with either one then he will only be in a relationship with his left and right hand. 

Post # 5
84 posts
Worker bee

Not normal. In my experience, men usually want the woman to orgasm first and then they come. He sounds selfish or maybe he has a problem and needs a doctor. Does he has self esteem issues you are aware of? Are you his first? 

Post # 6
1263 posts
Bumble bee

Saying this is not normal or selfish when we have only a few lines of description from the OP. It isn’t desirable and it may not be terribly common, but it happens. Is he suffering from premature ejaculation and too embarrassed to speak to you about it? You say he was/is inexperienced, so is he inhibited about sex and doesn’t like to discuss it/isn’t comfortable talking about it. Ideas and feelings around sex can be deep rooted and and accumulate for years, decades, so it can be tough to break that open. 

If indeed it is purely a selfish issue, is he selfish in other areas of his behaviour? 

Post # 7
95 posts
Worker bee

I think it’s a bit of a leap to say he’s being selfish. Really, there isn’t enough background information here to say that. He might just have no clue what to do or what women want or need. Try educating him yourself or getting a subscription to omgyes or something similar. Was he a porn watcher? If that’s all he knows about sex then I can understand why he might think you don’t have needs. Educate him. If he refuses that then he is selfish!

Post # 8
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Sounds like he was very dismissive of your feelings. If you’re not orgasming during p in v sex, then you should be getting yours during foreplay. If he doesn’t change his attitude I’d be replacing him with toys.

ETA: I’m prone to UTIs so I probably wouldn’t be having sex with this guy at all. Not worth the risk for 2 minutes of uninspired sex with a guy who doesn’t care if I get mine as long as he gets his.

Post # 9
9490 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Fingers or oral to get you there first. Then he can have his 2 minutes.

Post # 10
368 posts
Helper bee

Westwood :  

I’m in agreement with this. Sometimes performing oral on him first to get that first one out of the way is also helpful.

Post # 11
9936 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State


Post # 12
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

 I’d say it’s incredibly selfish by the husband for OP to not be orgasming. I don’t need more info than that. Unless he doesn’t have hands or a mouth then there’s literally no excuse. I think it’s appalling.

If it’s been a while I’d say it’s normal to orgasm quickly, but otherwise I don’t think it’s normal at all. Last time I read average was 10 minutes penetration and foreplay before that. 

Sex doesn’t have to start and end with the man and shouldn’t when you’re left frustrated.

Post # 13
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

amelia1983 :  my husband is also pretty quick in bed. He’s always been that way. Honestly it’s great for me because we can either have a quickie and have that physical/emotional connection without having a long session, or if I want, he takes the time to make sure I finish first or afterwards. Does your guy go down on you? Doing that before penetration-sex is the best way to make sure you’re both happy. Him just fucking you for 2 minutes and then calling it quits is super selfish. 

Post # 14
133 posts
Blushing bee

 So, I would say my husband does not last that long when it comes time for penetrative sex. I would say the average is 4-5 minutes probably? I’ve never timed it. However, he always gets me off first because of this. Then he usually tries really hard to get me to come with him as well. This works about 25% of the time, but I think he enjoys trying 🙂 I would ask for oral sex, or at least for more foreplay of some kind. You can frame it as a mutual thing, he should get enjoyment out of foreplay as well.

Post # 15
915 posts
Busy bee

Get a toy. 

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