Husband doesn't last long in bed

posted 4 weeks ago in Intimacy
Post # 46
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

So if he’s refusing to use his fingers presumably that means he’s just entering you with no foreplay AT ALL?? Ouch… 

Post # 47
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

zzar45 :  Maybe if you are into medical play…

Post # 48
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

elderbee :  Yes. This. 

ecrisrien :  Couldn’t agree more. 

amelia1983 :   Oh girl I feel for you. He sounds like an absolute dick. I wouldn’t be able to stay with him. Good luck! 

Post # 50
Member
1291 posts
Bumble bee

zzar45 :  maybe if you add a speculum the you can turn it a full on role play

Him lasting a few minutes might be normal. Might not be. It depends on the guy. But this is not your issue. It seems like he does no effort to satisfy you. You mention about him not wanting to go again might not be that he can’t go again. A lot of guys can’t. He doesn’t want to use fingers due to hygiene? I’m guessing toung is out of limits as well? I know a lot of people require their SO to shower before sex. Could you do it in the shower? If he used a vibrator on you then he wouldn’t have to use his fingers? Is he a twat in general or only when it comes to sex? You said you are both inexperienced so is this both of yours first partner? Him not wanting to talk and not making effort is concerning. Even if he feels embarrassed about his endurance he should be able to discuss this.

Post # 51
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

zzar45 :  There used to be a basket containing condoms, dental dams and latex gloves in the gang bathrooms in my dorm. They were provided by the student sexuality collective (you can tell what kind of a college I went to). Along with the gloves came a handy dandy booklet of instructions on how to cut a latex glove to make a dental damn with a finger attached for digital penetration. I couldn’t get over the craftiness of this! Don’t underestimate the gloves, man. They are multi-use.

Post # 52
Member
465 posts
Helper bee

Gee, I wonder why this particular 36-year old pounced on an inexperienced 21-year old…

Post # 53
Member
693 posts
Busy bee

He didn’t pounce on a 21 year old… he pounced on a friggin teenager, assuming they were together a couple years when she married him at 20. Gross.

OP, you married a selfish user who doesn’t care about your happiness. Get a divorce and spend a few years enjoying your twenties. Then marry a man closer to your age who understands the importance of orgasmic sex! 

hampsterdance :  

Post # 57
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I am not sorry that I’m saying this, and I absolutely do not care if I offend anyone: This is precisely the kind of nonsense that results from arranged marriages. When we don’t consider that adults are autonomous individuals with their own perspectives, feelings, and experiences that have nothing to do with their parents and culture, that belong to those individuals alone, and when we don’t consider that people’s autonomy is worthy of the highest respect, we force them into situations that can result in such misery. 

OP, I have no advice because I do not agree with your marriage, and I cannot help you navigate a relationship of such intimacy into which you’ve been forced. 

Post # 57
Member
1354 posts
Bumble bee

He needs to give you plenty of foreplay so that you can finish first, or immediately upon intercourse…. 

Get him to stimulate in other ways… and he should be able to practice holding out for longer… 

Post # 58
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

Whoah, okay, you kind of buried the lead, OP! 

I realize that in this case the majority of our advice may not have been helpful, and that most of us made assumptions about your circumstances. This is starting to make MUCH more sense. I’m going to skate past the arranged marriage thing, because it’s really none of my business and it’s not always a guarantee that a marriage is dysfunctional.

So I’ll just go straight to the sex question. You say that the two of you had very satisfying sex before your pregnancy, and that things have gone downhill since then. You also mention that your husband was concerned about giving you an infection during pregnancy. From this, it sounds to me as though he is dealing with some serious anxiety around intimacy. His focus on hygiene is excessive to say the least, and completely unnecessary. It may be a coping mechanism that he has developed to distance himself from sexual activity. Considering that he was all right with most forms of sexual activity before your pregnancy, I can’t help but wonder if the change in your body and hormones is triggering this reaction somehow. I don’t mean to say that he is unattracted to you or ashamed of you, but a lot of men experience changes in their sex drives and anxiety levels, not to mention their ability to be emotionally intimate with their wives during and after pregnancy. If you are able to fine a reputable sex therapist, they could really help with this, whether the cause is hormonal or emotional. It sounds like he never had the opportunity (and it may not have been culturally accepted) to educate himself about the finer points of human sexuality, and this is probably only making the problem worse. It might be time to do some homework on the subject.

Post # 59
Member
551 posts
Busy bee

Also, I just want to ask as this could be helpful for us to know, what is your/your culture’s views on divorce? 

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