(Closed) Husband doesn't want to be in the delivery room?

posted 7 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 77
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree that being in the room is definetely not a negotiation, he should be there.  However, don’t look “down there” as the baby is coming out!!  I can see where that might traumatize him, lol.

Post # 78
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s a very personal decision.

 

I am a woman, and I do not think that ‘the birth of a new life is the most beautiful thing in this world!’ as I’ve been told. I think childbirth is terrifying and fairly gross. I do not want kids. I don’t know how I could handle being in the delivery room with anyone.

 

It’s NOT putting his sexuality before his child. His child will be fine. This is strictly a relationship issue.  Truthfully, some men DON’T deal with the experience well. It will affect some men’s sexual desire afterward.

 

I think ideally, if I were to be having a baby, I’d want my partner there. If not, oh well. He’d have to have a good reason, but it’s a couple’s personal decision.

Post # 79
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee

My guy doesn’t have an option… he has to be there. He’s the one that did it to me! But, I 100% want him to stay by my head. I don’t want him to see down there… even though I know he would want to, he’s weird like that.

Having said all of that, one of my good friends husband’s watched their son being born and he didn’t have sex with her for a WHOLE YEAR after he was born. Even now (the baby is 2.5 years old) he said he can’t get turned on because of what he saw. I don’t like the guy very much so I don’t know if he’s just being an immature douche or if it really did scar him for life.

Post # 80
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I spoke to my Darling Husband again to get some more insight in to his thoughts and he said the following things:

– a vagina, while good for pleasure is made for bringing babies in to the world and if you can’t look past that when it’s time to get intimate again then get ready to spend some time with your hand (LOL)

– this is not some stranger I’m watching, it’s my OWN child being born, it’s the begining of a life I helped create

– I could always look away for a minute if it gets to be a little bit much but I want to watch my child be born if I can

– At the very least you need to be there for your wife (if not watching) to support, so stay at her head but be there.

I did warn him that if I need an episiotomy that he shouldn’t look for that, I would imagine that to be a little much for anyone to see. It still wigs me out like crazy that they use scissors.

Thinking about it, I’m not sure if I would use a mirror to watch my own birth, I’m a little worried that with everything going on with contractions, adrenaline and trying to push and everything that it might throw me off and get my mind all messed up. Does that even make sense? It’s almost like I want to close my eyes, and get er done. I definitely want to help pull baby out if I can though.. that will depend on the OB I guess.

Post # 81
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

my Darling Husband will definitely be there! In fact, I am debating whether to have him deliver the baby or not… I prob will decide not to, but it has run through my head.

Post # 82
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Uhhh…He’s the one that got her pregnant so it’s a requirement! I was freaked out and didn’t want my dh to watch the baby come out, but he ended up watching anyway (I really didn’t care) and he doesn’t think of me any differently. He described it as natural.

Post # 83
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2010

My SO (who is very VERY squeamish) didn’t want to be in the room until his sister had a baby, and we stayed in the room with her until it was time for her to push.

After that, he decided that if we had a kid, he would stay in the room- but no way would he cut the cord!

A few weeks after SIL had her baby, we found out I was pregnant. More than anyone, I wanted him in the room with me.

During delivery, he stood by my side and focused on me and my face. He never saw ‘down there’ (heck, neither did I! Didn’t want to and was so glad when the nurse ended up blocking the mirror so I couldn’t see it!)

When our daughter was born, the OB (who was awesome; we both spoke very highly of him throughout my entire pregnancy) basically said “Here you go, cut the cord!” and my husband didn’t think twice- he just did it.

In any case, being there with me made my husband extremely proud of me. He gets tears in his eyes when he talks about how strong I was. ;-D

 

Post # 84
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Newbeg:  I think the guy was just joking, but it’s perfectly normal not to want to be a birth partner, some poeple just aren’t cut out for that kind of thing and it’s better if the woman’s mother or best friend is there instead so they can give her the support she needs. 

Post # 85
Member
5543 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t want him down watching it all go down, heck the only person who needs to see that is my nurse and Dr. So while I know Darling Husband will be in the delivery room, above the knees everyone!

Post # 86
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We’re pretty sure we aren’t going to have kids but if we ever changed our minds, he would not have the option to not be there! I dont think that would be an issue for us though, as he is a paramedic and has delivered over 30 babies himself.

Men need to get over themselves, no one is going to force them to look. Why should they get to enjoy the fun of making the baby but not be there to support you having it(pretty sure the moms are terrified too!)…time to grow up.

 

Post # 87
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Darling Husband will be there but I’m going to strongly encourage him to stay by my head and not towards the bottom…..lol. May sound strange but I’m not trying to watch my baby come out either…. I may feel different closer to my due date but that’s where I’m at now.

Post # 88
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can kind of understand why watching a baby pop out of your wife’s vagina might make it hard to see said vagina as a sexy thing later on. I mean, it seems silly, but watching vidoes of babies being born sometimes gives me doubts about having one myself, so I can see why it might traumatize a dude. Dan Savage occasionally gets calls from guys who seem like perfecty nice, thoughtful men but find it difficult to have sex with their wife after witnessing up close the birth of their child.

We won’t be having kids in the near future, but when we do have kids . . . if he does want to come in he’s not getting anywhere near the business end – I’d rather him sit with his back to the show, facing me.

Post # 89
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn;t give my husband a choice. He was there at the beginning and he was there for the grand finale, whether he wanted to be or not.

Post # 90
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Hopefully this man was just kidding about not being there.  I’ve never seen a real birth..but I’ve seen videos.  And while yeah it’s kinda icky and painful looking.. it’s not that bad.. (to me.. I have a strong stomach!).  But to my fiance..who gags at moldy cheese and leftover food in tupperwear.. yeah birth will be a fun event for him hah! He probably will be ok once he’s in the moment though.  

I guess if I saw my man’s penis squeeze out a living creature..I might look at it differently for a little while.  But I’d get over it!  

Post # 91
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Coming from the professional side of the coin, I think that overall the birthing woman should have *whoever* she wants as her support person/people, and this most often includes her partner as #1.  Having said that, I can understand why some partners would find it difficult.

Most of the partners I’ve worked with want to stay away from the “business end” once pushing starts and are happy to remain up at her head, wiping her brow or whispering in her ear or helping encourage her in whatever way.  But…..very often a funny thing happens….that as she pushes, the partner starts to take little peeks and sees that it’s not as scary as they imagined. And most of the time, a man who has said he doesn’t want to cut the cord will change his mind if asked again at the moment.  Not all the time, but most of the time.

Each couple needs to do what works best for them, with an obvious trump card to be played by the birthing woman should the need arise (in my opinion).

p.s. nobody sees any poop if the nurse/midwife/doctor is worth their salt….there are very tactful ways of avoiding that for all involved! 🙂 (usually)

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