- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
I’ve been a member here for years, but I had to create a new account because I’m kind of ashamed to reveal my identity.
My husband and I have been married for over two years now, but we’ve been together for 13 years in total. As with all relationships, we have had many ups and downs, but most of the bad times happened before we were married. But since we’ve been married, all has been well. We haven’t had any serious fights. Our love has grown and we’ve both developed in maturity. We work together as a team, are considerate to each other, and are really selfless with each other, we’ve also been working together to strengthen our faith.
Seven years ago I went away on a trip for three weeks, and I met this guy whom I thought was attractive. I flirted with him a lot during the trip, and I ended up going to a club with him and a bunch of other people that I knew from childhood (this was a trip to my home land.) Anyway, I would not say that I actually cheated, because I had no intentions of sleeping with this guy. However, I was drugged and sexually violated that night. But because I was under the influence of some substances, I didn’t really fight him off.
When I returned home from my trip, I chatted about this incident with a friend of mine who was a doctor, and she gave me a bunch of advice about getting tested for STD’s etc. I didn’t want to tell her what really happened because I was embarassed to have been drugged and taken advantage of… so I just told her that I slept with someone.
For some stupid reason, I saved this chat conversation in my email account. And the other night, I left my email account opened and my husband combed through it, searching for something specific (he was searching for emails from an old friend that has been harassing me.) He was suspicious about that “friend” and so he searched his name in my email. Well, the chat conversation that occurred seven years ago popped up as one of the results, and my husband read the entire thing, woke me up in the middle of the night and confronted me. By the way, he also found out that I lied about not having slept with this “friend” who has been harassing me. I slept with him in college, before I even met my husband. But the fact that I lied about it is what he’s upset about.
I told him what really happened (the sexual violation) but he does not believe me. I reminded him that it was before we got married and that I’m a different person now, but he is still so angry, shocked, and disgusted, which is understandable. He’s also upset about the lie. I told him I’m sorry for lying but I just didn’t want to ruin our relationship so I withheld the information. He says he’s not sure how he wants to move forward. He says he can’t trust me anymore. He hasn’t kicked me out of the house or checked into a hotel. We’re still under the same roof, but he’s sleeping on the couch. We haven’t spoken a word to each other since it happened two days ago.
I don’t know what to do and how to handle this. I can understand that he’s really shocked because he has been exposed to a despicable thing that I’ve done, and he had no idea over the years because I have always been good. I just don’t know what to do and how to deal with this. I have no one to talk to, as I am too ashamed to confide in my friends. Please, if you have any words of wisdom, I will appreciate it.