Husband frustrated with my occasional business travel- does it get better?

posted 3 months ago in Career
Post # 46
Member
7097 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

As the spouse of a traveling person, I find myself annoyed at spouses who KNOW what their partner’s job entails, marry them anyway, and then want to complain about the amount of travel. It’s not like you guys got together and 6 months ago you took a new job that requires travel. It sounds to me like your Darling Husband is having a big case of jealousy and FOMO. He thinks you’re off having a grand time and doesn’t seem to realize that work travel is stressful and not glamerous.

Darling Husband and I both travel for work, although for me it’s 1-2x per year (in the past it was much more, just depends on my work load – I’m self employed)….and for him it’s more like 75% of the year. There are times he’s gone for several months at a time – and our compromise is that I fly in to join him when possible and if he has a short break he will fly home to me.

This winter he’ll be gone 16+ weeks to a tropical location (he’s there a good chunk of those months every year) and this time I’ll be packing up our toddler and going to join him for 6-8 weeks. I know that is not a luxury most people have, and while sometimes I do put to pressure on for him to make more family time (because let’s be honest, it DOES change when you have a child in the mix) I do also remind myself this has *always* been his job. 

Frankly I very very much value my alone time and so I don’t have a problem when he travels for work. That’s not to say I don’t have moments where I’m irritated or jealous that I’m home wrangling a grouchy toddler and he’s out having dinner in a nice restaurant after spending the day doing work he LOVES. Or that shit has hit the fan at home with something breaking that I have to deal with alone. There are days we talk multiple times a day, and other days where he’s up and out of cell range before I’m awake and he’s busy right through when I go to bed (time differnece). He’s not just dealing with himself, but having to entertain his boss and other clients. He’s not out ziplining and lounging on the beach. 😉 

I think in your case you need to have a serious discussion with your Darling Husband about the details of your day when you’re away for work. Try to make it a point to check in more often. Lastly, he needs a hobby and friends to engage in when you’re away. I think it baiscally boils down to jealousy that he’s stuck “at work” while you are traveling. If possible I would take him along….let him sit in a hotel room alone for the days you’re working. 

Post # 47
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I am sorry but he knew how much you traveled before you got married. So now it’s a big deal because he gets lonly. That has got to be hard to hear. As you heard a lot of bee’s or their spouses travel. I hope you can get some good advice from them.

Post # 48
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I’m rolling my eyes so hard at your husband right now … 

3-4 days less than once a month is not that much. He is an adult. Surely he can entertain himself on his own for a few days now and then! He’s coming across as extremely childish here. 

You traveling for work isn’t new. He was well aware of this when you got married. You don’t even have kids in the picture so it’s not like he’s stuck taking care of the family alone while his partner is away. 

As a grown adult he should be quite capable of soothing his own loneliness for a few days every month or two. If he isn’t, he’s got a great deal of emotional maturity to catch up on. I personally would find this level of neediness suffocating and very off-putting. 

For what it’s worth, I travel for work about the same amount as you over the course of a year, and sometimes I have work trips come up kind of last minute. It’s just part of life. 

Post # 49
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee

I travel a lot as well. Sometimes, I am away for months at a time for field research (diff time zone, limited wifi). Those trips are hard but we text daily and find time to facetime on weekends When I need to travel for 3-4 days (i.e. for a conference), it isn’t bad at all. I read someone’s post about facetiming every morning – I would have to disagree with this. I would resent having to schedule a morning call when I am away for work. In any case, we barely have time to miss each other and I would think that level of communciation is way too over the top for a few days. What is it that upsets him about you being away? 

Someone mentioned that you should take him with you on a trip – definitely do this! He could see what you get up to when you’re away and understand how busy you are (you aren’t just having fun w/o him). Just by the way I describe work trips, my SO has NO interest in coming along with me (lol). 

Post # 50
Member
3442 posts
Sugar bee

I know you said it doesn’t seem like a lot of travel to you, but…..he thinks it is. Maybe you’d be more on the same page if at least you could acknowledge that you do need to travel quite a bit. You are talking about about a week of travel 10 months of the year….My husband doesn’t travel but he works a lot of nights and weekends.  3 out of every 5 weekends to be exact. So if I ever get frustrated (because I take care of our kid by myself all weekend) and say he works a lot of weekends, and he says “it’s only 3 out of 5”, I kinda wanna punch him in the face.

But, he also needs to face reality. This how your job works. It isn’t going to get better unless he changes his attitude. It would have been ridiculous for me to complain about my husband’s schedule when I knew what it was from our first date.

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