- 4 years ago
Kind of at a loss for what to do. I’ve been married for six months, and so far, it’s mostly going great.
One problem area that keeps coming up — housework. As it stands right now, I do most of the cooking, most of the cleaning (in the kitchen). (We hire a housecleaner for the rest.) I do most of the groceries. I also work full-time.
My husband takes out the trash, does all the driving, does all the yardwork. If anything needs to be fixed in the house, he’ll do it. On occasion, he will empty the dishwasher. Once in a blue moon, he’ll cook dinner.
The problem is, if I ever ask him for help — like emptying the vacuum cleaner bag today (after I vacuumed the house and laundered the sheets), he’ll help very grudgingly. Even for something as small as helping me put the freshly laundered sheets on. He helped me put a few on and then got grouchy and said he wanted to go to bed and do the rest later. (When I asked him to empty the vacuum cleaner bag, he said he would “do it tomorrow” and seemed irritated.)
I think he feels he is already doing plenty around the house, and he seems to be irritated when I ask for his help.
This is making me in turn, very nervous about having a kid with him. What if I have a child with him, feel overwhelmed by all the things that need to be done, and when I ask for his help, he gets grouchy and irritated, because he feels he is already doing enough? I’m scared of that happening.
I don’t want to make it seem like he’s a lazy guy. He is definitely not. He wakes up super early to go to work and he does stuff around the house as I mentioned above. When I’ve asked him for help in the past, he says that I’m ignoring all the stuff he does around the house. He gets defensive. I wish he would just say, “Sweetie. I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed. What can I do to help you?”
Am I asking for too much?