(Closed) Husband goes out and doesn\'t come home

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

If he isn’t behaving like a husband and father, stop treating him as anything except a roommate.  He doesn’t sleep in your bed – guest room or couch – don’t cook for him, don’t make his lunch, don’t do his laundry, no sex, treat him as a roommate.  He’s behaving like a child and trying to make it your fault.  Counselling is also probably a good idea because he’s not going to change on his own.

Post # 4
Member
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

It sounds like he doesn’t want to grow up.  Something has to be done to make him change because you sound like you’re at the end of your rope (justifiably); I would honestly be kicking him out at this point.  Next time he doesn’t come home, get a locksmith in, change the locks, pack his stuff and put it on the front lawn.  If he wants to behave like a teenager, he doesn’t deserve a wife and son. 

Your other option is to “two-card” him: find a counselor and a divorce lawyer, make appointments with each, and offer him the two business cards and ask him which he would prefer.  If he picks the counselor, great.  If he picks the divorce lawyer, you know where you stand.  He needs to be shocked into action.

Post # 5
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
sarah93 :  he sounds A LOT like my ex-fiancé. Selfish, self-centered and just does whatever HE wants to do and totally disregards YOU. My ex used to go out partying and drinking all night. It bothered me,but just like you I tried to give him a time to be home by….2am. He couldn’t even do that! He would roll in at 5:30am or later. You cannot fix him…..he needs to be the one who wants to change. you also need to realize it is not your fault, so don’t let him deflect and blame you! He is proving he has zero respect for your feelings. No one deserves to be treated like this. 

Post # 7
Member
1579 posts
Bumble bee

He sounds like he wants to be 22 and single instead of 30 and a husband and father. 

Post # 8
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Sounds like he needs to grow up..  stop playing house and make some big decisions for yourself…  can you continue to live like this?  If no, move in with your parents.  Talk about ego, the minute you leave it will be a shock for him.  But don’t leave him with the full expectation he will chase you, this behavior might be his way of dealing with not wanting a relationship.  

Now as someone who likes my booze and my friends, the go forward will need to be a joint effort.  My FH often comes with me when I go out for friends, or we set up girls night/boys night where we establish if the other will pick the other up (DD) or if we will take a cab.  Basically, its communication and setting mutual boundaries.  

Not coming home at night is not an option…

Post # 10
Member
34 posts
Newbee

Being a father changes things. Who is his role modle in life? a grandfather? older brother? someone who can open his eyes a little bit. he is not acting as a good role modle for your little one and honestly he is not making the marriage worth your time at the moment. reach out to his family or firends or anyone who might be able to urge him in the right direction. It sounds like he is trying to be a college kid instead of a married adult. 

Post # 13
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Go to counseling for yourself if he won’t go! It will help you sort out what you want and your boundaries. If it’s too much money or too hard to leave the house w the baby, try online like BetterHelp. It’s not as good as in person, but still not ad and better than nothing for sure. And if you ask them or google around, you can even get it cheaper than list price. My friend did and they gave her half off 3 months. 

Post # 14
Member
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
sarah93 :  Ignoring him won’t help. That will actually just make his life easier. He won’t have to even bother making up lies since you aren’t even speaking to him. 

Like the previous poster says, you need to shock him into action. Something you haven’t done, so that he knows you are serious. I would start with changing those locks the next time he doesn’t come home. When he wants to talk seriously, suggest counseling. If he doesn’t want to do that, divorce. Honestly, be prepared for anything. It sounds like he didn’t want marriage and a child. How long did you two date before you got married? 

Post # 15
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee

 Yeah, he’s counting on your silence. GTF out. Do you have family you could stay with?

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