(Closed) husband goes out and doesn't come home

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 92
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

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theresabow:  In my experience I always found out in time.  He always slipped up somehow.  I guess I kind of always got lucky and he’d forget to delete a message, or he would get drunk and pass out before remembering to delete messages/texts and I would check his phone before he woke up.   But I also got lucky in that his friends really liked me, and eventually ratted him out when I asked them if he was with them like he said he was.   It always seemed like my intuition was always right, and somehow I’d find out for sure.   I’m sorry you are going through this, I really am.  And I’m not usually the type to say leave, but sweetheart I went through this for 7 almost 8 years with that man, every day of those years I was hoping that he would change, that he’d see he had a wife who loved him dearly, and a son who looked up to him. But he never changed, and his new girlfriend has called me several times crying about it.  Men like that don’t change. 

Post # 93
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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theresabow:  Whoa. That is not ok.

Yes, he needs time away, as do you, from 5 kids – but the way he is doing it is NOT APPROPRIATE. Yes, I’m yelling that at you.

He needs to grow up. You have every right to ask him to stop this behaviour. He is being immature, disrespectful to you and your children – and not setting much of an example as a husband and father. There are other, appropriate ways that he could get a break. Screaming at you “What am I supposed to do sit here and watch tv?” is sad. Makes me very sad for you. When our ONE child goes to bed, that is finally our time to sit together and watch tv. I imagine with FIVE kids your time together is exxtremely limited. He needs to re-commit to you and your family ASAP. I want to punch this guy in the nards.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Sunshine09.
Post # 95
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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theresabow:  I’m so sorry bee 🙁 I think it is completely insane that he does this at all, much less a few times a month! He is married, he has children. He is not a frat boy, or a young college guy anymore.  I dont think this is something you even need to compromise on, this is something he needs to grow the hell up on.  I would try to talk to him, and get to the bottom of why he thinks it is ok/what is going on, and why the behavior needs to change. It is one thing to go out for beers from time to time, or meet up with his friends. It is something completely different (and disrespectful, imo) to not come home, to make you have to stop what you’re doing to pick him up the next morning, and on top of all of that, to think it’s okay.

Post # 96
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Keep us updated!

Post # 97
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I am in the same boat w my guy. we have 2 kids. he’s almost 30. I’ve tried everything. even letting go the multiple night a week as long as he came home. he stays gone more. my options are to accept this shitty behavior or not. the best advice given to me was to detach. stop asking questions (the answers aren’t all that reliable anyway) stop showing emotion. just enjoy the times he’s around and pretend. this seems counter intuitive. why doesn’t he care!? but that’s what I’m doing, and this is why: either he will see how it’s effecting our relationship and change, or I will. in time I really will be fed up, and it won’t hurt to leave because I’m already alone. so many times I’ve come close. it’s been a month and he’s going out more than ever, and staying out more than ever. swears up and down he loves me. sends me drunk txts saying I’m his world. but I’m in my world. he’s got a second life. and I feel pathetic. he claims he will grow out of this. but it’s alcoholism. it’s selfishness, and it’s anything but the love of one’s life. people don’t do this to people they love. I stay because I love him. I stay because I don’t want to give up on us. but in the past month I have stopped believing. I still have hope (again, pathetic) but I know longer believe he’ll wake up someday and care enough to stop hurting me. i no longer believe him when he says theres no one else. Maybe there isn’t. but maybe their is. I just stopped. and I think the rest will come to. either he will figure it out, or he won’t. Nothing you can say at this point will give him an awakening. if he’s an alcoholic leaving is the best shot of him waking up, but even then it’s rare. I’ve researched so much on this. I’m sorry. it’s more common than you think. sadly. we all deserve better. detach. love what you still love about him. give him no emotion when it hurts. as hard as it is to let go let go. life is short. I don’t want to feel the way I do in 10 years. neither do you. people who move on and find a mutually loving relationship are always glad they did and wonder how they stayed so long. feeling alone as a single mother is better than feeling alone when your not. detach. and when your really don’t care anymore, it’ll be easy and refreshing to leave. and hope he’ll stop before its too late. that’s my plan. sorry girl. I’m so sorry this is your life for now. but one way or another it will pass.

Post # 98
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Oh this is older than I realized. how is it going? did you do anything that worked?

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