Husband going on trips leaving me and newborn at home

posted 1 year ago in Babies
Post # 2
Member
2012 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Bee this isn’t ok

Post # 3
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Woof, nope. I’m due in November, and my husband has several work trips planned for December that I’m a bit nervous about, but there’s no way he can get out of. If he was planning “fun” solo trips within those first few months of our baby’s life,while simultaneously getting pissy if I wanted to get away for a couple days at some point, we’d have serious issues. I think your husband is being incredibly selfish. It seems like he expects you to do all the parenting while he just flits in and out as he pleases. Is this a pattern in your relationship?

Post # 4
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’m sorry, why is a new father going away not once but twice in the first 2 months of his child being born? And for pleasure no less…

Put your foot down! Find a rod, stick it right up your butt, and give yourself a backbone! As PP said, this absolutely isn’t ok. 

Post # 5
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Your priorities are in the wrong place

 

I’m so sorry you have such a short time off work where you live BUT as a new mother your last thing on your mind should be getting away or partying. Spend every second with your baby forget what your husband’s doing or you needing to go away.

Three months isn’t enough time with your baby and to even consider being away would be crazy. Unless I’m reading this wrong pls correct me?

All the things your husband’s doing arnt great but not every man is perfect and fx he’ll come around

I’m sorry if I sounded harsh but it really bugs me 

Post # 6
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I do agree your husband’s being selfish bit I’m almost dizzy thinking about you leaving your 2 m old baby

Post # 7
Member
436 posts
Helper bee

If he was a businessman who had to travel away for his work, sure no problem, you know it’s his job. But to have 11 nights away from you and the new baby for personal fun vacations during the first two months you will be home with your first child seems super selfish to me and I would not be fine with that one bit.

I don’t know anything about hunting, but you mentioned he has been waiting 8 years for something, so I assume it was like a lottery he won (like getting to hike the Wave or something?). Maybe “maybe” I would grin and bear that but I still wouldn’t be pleased, since I knew it was a once in a lifetime chance he got the ability to do. However, that 5 night Bach trip wouldn’t fly in my house. 

Post # 8
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2023

motherbee33 :  as a mother of four and a grandmother I completely disagree. He should be at home and she should be able to get downtime too. 

Post # 9
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It sounds like OP wouldn’t be going away until after the baby is 2 months old. I may be in the minority here but I don’t see a problem with a mother taking a brief trip away when her baby is still young provided the other parent is available to care for the baby for those couple days and both partners are comfortable with this. Especially in the OP’s case when it seems like she’s been working her ass in a full time job while also going to school full time, while also pregnant. This attitude that the dad can take trips but the mom is somehow a bad parent for wanting some “me time” doesn’t sit well at all with me. 

I have a friend who went on another mutual friend’s bachelorette party when her baby was about 3 months old…she wasn’t breastfeeding and her husband was happy to solo-parent the baby for the literally 48 hrs she was out of town. My friend had an awesome time and said the trip was great for her, and her baby was in perfectly good hands with the father.

To me the problem here isn’t necessarily that the dad wants to take a trip…it’s that he feels entitled to several “fun” trips while the baby is very young, but then resents the OP for even expressing a desire to maybe take a couple days away once he returns. That is crazy selfish.

Post # 10
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Well I petsperson would not be able to. I have a 7 m old that still bfds every 3 hours during the day. And I only get 6 hours at night

 

I am to connected to my children . 

I SAID I THINK HER HUSBAND’S BEING SELFISH 

but I think being away from a newborn at that time is to soon, I do ebeverythi for my kids and hubby works and I still am not ready to be away for one night. I miss my kids even when I put them to bed I’m excited and miss them when I wake them

I feel sorry for her not having me time with her baby

Post # 12
Member
3884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Neither of his trips would be happening if it was me. This is his baby too, and not just when it’s convenient for him. I bet he wouldn’t like you to go off and leave him with a newborn for a week. I don’t care if he’s waited 8 years for a hunting trip, you’ve had to put in a lot of work and make sacrifices for this baby, he can sacrifice his bro-trip to be with his child and post-partum wife. Then getting pissy at you for possibly wanting a break too is the icing on the douche-cake. 

Post # 13
Member
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

beebee19 :  It 100% is a double standard, and please don’t let anyone on this thread make you feel guilty for anticipating that you’ll want some occasional “me time” while caring for a newborn. I have a few friends with young babies and each of them has felt that way – it is NORMAL and nothing to feel ashamed of. Men are just as capable of parenting as women. If you’re breastfeeding, that obviously does complicate things a bit, but the fact that your husband is getting pissy at the idea of even watching the baby for a few hours while you go out on your own is just mind boggling. What’s your plan for talking to him about this?

Post # 14
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

motherbee33 :  Your experience of motherhood isn’t the same as everyone else’s. If a new mom feels the need for alone time thats perfectly okay. In fact in some cases I think it’s necessary. You can’t be a good mom if you don’t take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.

beebee19 :  Your husband is being a selfish jerk. 

Post # 15
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Not a mom or expecting but I feel ragey for you. The hunting trip is one thing but the bachelor party is unacceptable. I might even feel a little bit differnet if he had made additional arrangements to have someone help you out with the baby and cut both trips short a few days. I would only be okay with both trips if you were able to have a break as well. I don’t understand why others think it’s not acceptable you for to going anywhere. Umm what?  The child was created by a mother and a a father. You’ve finished school, starting a new career, and a birthing a human. Girl, you deserve a lavish celebration. You need a full spa day stat! Congrats on finishing your masters! 

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