Post # 1
So just looking for opinions from the mammas out there. So a little background I am a full time nurse, who just finished 2 years of full time grad school. I got pregnant the last few months of my schooling which was very challenging because I did not anticipate the exhaustion I would experience being pregnant as well as putting in 70 hr weeks between work and school. We both planned on getting pregnant since we arent getting any younger and I will finally be finished with school. Since becoming pregnant I have finished school, passed boards, turned 30, and found a new job. Most of these things would warrant a little celebration, but being pregant my celebrations have been limited. I am still working full time 12 hour shifts with a baby due soon. After the baby comes I will be starting a totally new career with new responsibilities. All throughout this pregnancy my hubby has been able to go out and have fun with his friends, go hunting, fishing etc… and basically carry on with his life while I have been working hard to finish school and get things ready for the baby. I have saved up vacation time for the past year so that I can have a 12 week maternity leave. About 3 weeks to a month after the baby is born, my husband is going on a 6 day hunting trip. I am a bit nervous as this is our first child and there is no way to know how the baby will be or if I will have any complications. My husband has put in for this specific tag for 8 years so I know it means a lot to him. He is also going on a 5 day bachelor party trip out of state when the baby is 2 months old. This trip annoys me a bit more than the first as I know he will be out having fun with his friends when I am at home with a baby, using my hard earned vacation time so he can go. I mentioned that I would like to go on a little get away myself when he is back from his trips and he seems annoyed that he would have to take off work or cancel whatever he has planned so I can do something. He thinks that since I will be breast feeding that I won’t want to get away. I just feel that since I worked so hard in school and am starting a new challenging career, that I deserve a little get away myself. Do you think that is fair?? Any advice is appreciated!
Post # 3
Woof, nope. I’m due in November, and my husband has several work trips planned for December that I’m a bit nervous about, but there’s no way he can get out of. If he was planning “fun” solo trips within those first few months of our baby’s life,while simultaneously getting pissy if I wanted to get away for a couple days at some point, we’d have serious issues. I think your husband is being incredibly selfish. It seems like he expects you to do all the parenting while he just flits in and out as he pleases. Is this a pattern in your relationship?
Post # 4
I’m sorry, why is a new father going away not once but twice in the first 2 months of his child being born? And for pleasure no less…
Put your foot down! Find a rod, stick it right up your butt, and give yourself a backbone! As PP said, this absolutely isn’t ok.
Post # 5
Your priorities are in the wrong place
I’m so sorry you have such a short time off work where you live BUT as a new mother your last thing on your mind should be getting away or partying. Spend every second with your baby forget what your husband’s doing or you needing to go away.
Three months isn’t enough time with your baby and to even consider being away would be crazy. Unless I’m reading this wrong pls correct me?
All the things your husband’s doing arnt great but not every man is perfect and fx he’ll come around
I’m sorry if I sounded harsh but it really bugs me
Post # 6
I do agree your husband’s being selfish bit I’m almost dizzy thinking about you leaving your 2 m old baby
Post # 7
If he was a businessman who had to travel away for his work, sure no problem, you know it’s his job. But to have 11 nights away from you and the new baby for personal fun vacations during the first two months you will be home with your first child seems super selfish to me and I would not be fine with that one bit.
I don’t know anything about hunting, but you mentioned he has been waiting 8 years for something, so I assume it was like a lottery he won (like getting to hike the Wave or something?). Maybe “maybe” I would grin and bear that but I still wouldn’t be pleased, since I knew it was a once in a lifetime chance he got the ability to do. However, that 5 night Bach trip wouldn’t fly in my house.
Post # 8
motherbee33 : as a mother of four and a grandmother I completely disagree. He should be at home and she should be able to get downtime too.
Post # 9
It sounds like OP wouldn’t be going away until after the baby is 2 months old. I may be in the minority here but I don’t see a problem with a mother taking a brief trip away when her baby is still young provided the other parent is available to care for the baby for those couple days and both partners are comfortable with this. Especially in the OP’s case when it seems like she’s been working her ass in a full time job while also going to school full time, while also pregnant. This attitude that the dad can take trips but the mom is somehow a bad parent for wanting some “me time” doesn’t sit well at all with me.
I have a friend who went on another mutual friend’s bachelorette party when her baby was about 3 months old…she wasn’t breastfeeding and her husband was happy to solo-parent the baby for the literally 48 hrs she was out of town. My friend had an awesome time and said the trip was great for her, and her baby was in perfectly good hands with the father.
To me the problem here isn’t necessarily that the dad wants to take a trip…it’s that he feels entitled to several “fun” trips while the baby is very young, but then resents the OP for even expressing a desire to maybe take a couple days away once he returns. That is crazy selfish.
Post # 10
Well I petsperson would not be able to. I have a 7 m old that still bfds every 3 hours during the day. And I only get 6 hours at night
I am to connected to my children .
I SAID I THINK HER HUSBAND’S BEING SELFISH
but I think being away from a newborn at that time is to soon, I do ebeverythi for my kids and hubby works and I still am not ready to be away for one night. I miss my kids even when I put them to bed I’m excited and miss them when I wake them
I feel sorry for her not having me time with her baby
Post # 11
To correct myself, I probably won’t be going anywhere or be far away at all, but I still want the option of his support if I want a little one night get away or even to have some days where I can be out and about in the day and then return home. The baby would be nearly 3 months old at this point in time.This does not mean I will be partying.. I just feel that a little time to be able to mentally prepare for a new career before going back to work full time would be nice since the last two years have been anything but easy. It just seems like a double standard that a man can go out and do fun things but once a woman has the label “mom”… it all goes out the window for her. Just my opinion at least.
Post # 12
Neither of his trips would be happening if it was me. This is his baby too, and not just when it’s convenient for him. I bet he wouldn’t like you to go off and leave him with a newborn for a week. I don’t care if he’s waited 8 years for a hunting trip, you’ve had to put in a lot of work and make sacrifices for this baby, he can sacrifice his bro-trip to be with his child and post-partum wife. Then getting pissy at you for possibly wanting a break too is the icing on the douche-cake.
Post # 13
beebee19 : It 100% is a double standard, and please don’t let anyone on this thread make you feel guilty for anticipating that you’ll want some occasional “me time” while caring for a newborn. I have a few friends with young babies and each of them has felt that way – it is NORMAL and nothing to feel ashamed of. Men are just as capable of parenting as women. If you’re breastfeeding, that obviously does complicate things a bit, but the fact that your husband is getting pissy at the idea of even watching the baby for a few hours while you go out on your own is just mind boggling. What’s your plan for talking to him about this?
Post # 14
motherbee33 : Your experience of motherhood isn’t the same as everyone else’s. If a new mom feels the need for alone time thats perfectly okay. In fact in some cases I think it’s necessary. You can’t be a good mom if you don’t take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally.
beebee19 : Your husband is being a selfish jerk.
Post # 15
Not a mom or expecting but I feel ragey for you. The hunting trip is one thing but the bachelor party is unacceptable. I might even feel a little bit differnet if he had made additional arrangements to have someone help you out with the baby and cut both trips short a few days. I would only be okay with both trips if you were able to have a break as well. I don’t understand why others think it’s not acceptable you for to going anywhere. Umm what? The child was created by a mother and a a father. You’ve finished school, starting a new career, and a birthing a human. Girl, you deserve a lavish celebration. You need a full spa day stat! Congrats on finishing your masters!