- 1 year ago
- Wedding: January 2017
beebee19 : If you’re not able to sit him down and have a good discussion with him about the reality of a newborn, I would try couples counseling before the baby is here. If he can’t have a conversation without calling you emotional then you need a mediator. Also do you have any friends or family who have babies? Maybe having a couples date where they advise both of you on new parenthood would be helpful. My husband connected with a fellow PhD candidate who also has kids and struggles without ADHD, and that really helped him learn to balance work and newborn care.
Newborns are really tough. I spent a lot of the first two months of my son’s life crying that I would never sleep or have any time to myself again, and my husband is a supportive and involved dad. It’s understandable if he doesn’t get it yet, but he REALLY needs to change his perspective before the baby gets here and you are both sleep deprived and overwhelmed. Don’t imagine that he will just get it when he sees the baby. My husband is great, but even he needs reminded sometimes that changing 1 diaper and feeding 2 bottles all day doesn’t not equal 50/50 parenting. You have to be able to have honest conversation with each other without him claiming you’re emotional or irrational.
I’m a working mom like you, and you are absolutely right to assume you’ll need at least a few sporadic afternoons/days to yourself when baby is small. It’s really hard to go from a successful professional to a human pillow/milk machine and it’s important to take time to remind yourself of your identity outside motherhood. That doesn’t make you a bad or neglectful mom, and your husband needs to understand that.