beebee19 : I can totally relate to this post. My husband has a ton of hobbies that have always taken a lot of his time, and during the 7 years that we were dating/married before our first daughter was born, he got to do whatever he wanted and it didn’t matter to me. He is super into hunting (deer and duck, so different seasons), fishing (summer, and ice fishing in winter), and riding motorcycle. He has always done a long, 7-10 day motorcycle trip with a friend each June, along with a few weekend trips. We conceived our first daughter, due May 2016. While I was pregnant, we had a talk (initiated by him) about what I would and would not be ok with as far as his being away for hobbies that year. We decided that he could still do a motorcycle trip, but it would be scheduled for October that year instead of June. He also didn’t do any summer fishing that year – his choice. He only hunted for duck season that year, and did a decent amount of ice fishing, but not as much as usual. We conceived a second baby, due Dec 2017. That year while I was pregnant, he still did his usual motorcycle trip, only one weekend of duck hunting, and sold all of his ice fishing gear that fall and didn’t go at all while we had our tiny newborn. In the next few weeks, he is doing a 5-day motorcycle trip, and a 4-day fishing trip. He has already expressed regret that the two trips are so close together, and he has said he will not do another fishing trip like this next year.
Our situation is made more complicated because he also travels overnight for work an average of 2-3 days/week. So I would probably be ok with a bit more fun travel if he wasn’t already gone so much for work. But he has always been very respectful of my needs and feelings, and we’ve had a lot of open discussions about what I’m ok with. It also helped that fell absolutely in love with our daughters right when they were born, and he doesn’t WANT to be away from them much more than he has to. It’s even harder for him now that our 2-year old can talk, and is in a huge Daddy phase right now. So she can say things like “I miss Daddy”, and “I love Daddy”, and will throw tantrums when he leaves. It’s helpful that he sees how hard it is on her when he leaves, and it’s not just me laying on the guilt trip.
All this to say, I HOPE for you that a lot of this will take care of itself when he meets/falls in love with this baby. But in the meantime, you should have some honest talks with him about both of your expectations of time and input you expect of each other as parents. Him blaming your emotions, and saying “Well, you wanted this baby” is concerning to me.
If you said this, I missed it – when are you due? If this summer, it is probably too late to reschedule his two trips, and I would probably just let it go this time. But if it’s this fall/winter, I would ask him to reschedule/shorten one or both trips. Good luck!