Husband going too far?

posted 2 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 151
Member
1432 posts
Bumble bee

I’m starting to wonder if this topic is for real. I hope it’s not

Post # 153
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

To put it midly, your husband is a peice of shit. I don’t know everything that has gone on in your life, or his, but it would benefit you greatly to be able to set more firm boundaries, and not feel like you’re runing his life if you won’t do anal. 

Post # 154
Member
27 posts
Newbee

This is my first time posting on WeddingBee. My wife has shown me many posts by women over the last year that have concerned me. Not sure how often heterosexual men, like myself, post on this site. But I’d like to put in my two cents in regards to your situation.

Your husband should only do sexual activities with you that you’re comfortable with. At no point should you make a compromise if it makes you feel devalued, degraded, and/or uncomfortable. After reading your original post, and your recent update, it sounds like nothing has changed. Frankly, your man is trying to live out a porn filled fantasy thru you. With absolutely no regard as to how you feel about it. It actually sounds like he enjoys the fact that you don’t really like doing these other sexual acts. Which is pathetic on HIS part and WRONG. He does this because “it makes him feel like a man.” No. This makes him a little punk ass of a man who literally needs his little ego stroked. My guess is he feels incapable of achieving out there in the real world. So he tries to make up for it by doing this nonsense. He doesn’t treat you like his wife. Someone who he should respect, admire, and love. He treats you like his sex play thing. This is not a man worthy of your trust, love, and dedication. 

Post # 156
Member
27 posts
Newbee

strawberrysakura :  Thank you. I’ve been meaning to join weddingbee for awhile now. I think it helps hearing from a man’s perspective. Just like it’s nice for us (men) to get perspective from women.

Post # 157
Member
1695 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I just find it really sad that OP has accepted sexual degradation as “one of those things that happens in marriages”.  I have the feeling that she hasn’t witnessed many healthy relationships in her lifetime.

On another note:  Yay to a new male perspective!  Welcome to the Bee!

Post # 158
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

ryo828 :  I agree, it is nice to hear a man’s perspective on this issue.

 

I myself have nothing to say except if he isn’t respecting your boundaries when it comes to sex, you need to leave, you don’t have to do any of this that you don’t want to do and there are other guys who are more sexually compatible who are vanilla and more common than you think. It sounds like he is watching too much porn. It also makes me wonder if he would even like a woman who likes all that stuff because if there was a woman who was really kinky, would he push her boundaries and ask for stuff even kinkier than he is asking you to the point it crosses the really kinky woman’s limits? I have to wonder…

Post # 159
Member
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bctoquebec :  

They should definitely *not* go to any type of therapy together.  No couples’ counseling is advisable when there is *any* form of abuse.  It’s not safe.  Abusers often punish their victims privately for what is revealed in session.  And, OP would be making herself even more vulnerable.

Post # 160
Member
10997 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

strawberrysakura :  

This.  A million times this.  The absolute *last* thing a real man, like your husband, wants to do is hurt the partner he loves.

A sexually normal guy gets intense pleasure from being able to please his partner.  It makes him feel manly and appreciated.  It’s a very big part of of sex in an intimate relationship.

I would so love it if OP would talk to a therapist or someone at her local DV facility (she definitely qualifies) to get to the bottom of why she tolerates this kind of abuse.

The DV Hotline also has counselors to chat with 24/7, completely anonymously.

Home – The Hotline®

 

Post # 161
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

dooo NOT take those photos.

& him blowing out on your face is gross when you explain the reasoning he has for it. In my opinion, if you dont like it, aside from 100% not doing it (which is the way I’d go,) it could be like… idk, a “treat” for him. Like a once a month thing. OR my compromise for that would be like “let’s do boobs this time. Or maybe butt.” bc ill be damned if I’m being FORCED to take bodily fluids on my face every single night. F*** that guy.

Post # 162
Member
27 posts
Newbee

ladyspectrum :  Not only that. What if another woman who was more into kinky stuff asked HIM to do things he was uncomfortable with? I mean, hey. And this is going to get very NC-17 here, folks. What if the OP said “Well, you have to let me finger you in the ass if I do ____ for you.” Doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who would like that. Which again, shows how much of a piece of shit he is for trying to force his wife to do stuff she doesn’t want to do.

Post # 164
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - City, State

ryo828 :  THIS! I mean, what if she had domination fantasies too where she was the domme?

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