elainescott : hey bee, I’m so glad you came back and that you and your husband have opened a line of communication about both of your preferences, so you can reach a solution that works for you.
In my opinion it sounds like your from a pretty conservative or religious background. Which is why I’m sure you don’t feel comfortable with a lot of the sexual exploration he is interested in. Sex shouldn’t make you feel demeaned at all.
Part of where that comes from for a lot of women is a sexual repression that they’re raised with, that anything beyond the norm for sex or sex for procreation is dirty or demeaning. And that is completely normal to feel that way. It doesn’t matter if he wants it, if it makes you uncomfortable.
Facefucking is basically a blow job where you do not have control. Your role is to keep your mouth open and he controls how much of his dick is in your mouth, how deep it is and how long it lasts, normally with his hands moving your head. It’s something that is very much about control over your partner. And it doesn’t sound like something your remotely comfortable with doing at all. As for cumming on your face, I’m blaming porn for this one.
Your best option if you can afford it is a swx therapist. If you can’t this is what I would do, but please make the choice best for you.
It seems like based on your comments he is still very firmly in the camp of I want to do more of this. I have several posts on this thread about this on this thread. He can want to explore this all he wants, but the very core of BDSM and where it seems his preferences are is consent and boundaries.
Someone put a checklist up here a few pages back, that can Be used for a starting point, you can also look online and find several checklists. You want one that goes through everything, sexual positions, oral, fantasy roles, BDSM everything. I would say take a couple days, find a checklist you feel comfortable doing. You each do them separately. Your answers are either a yes, no or maybe. Anything with a no or maybe for either of you is immediately off the table. Anything you both have a yes for is something you are both comfortable to progress with, but might need more discussion. Be completely and brutally honest on that checklist, if you’re not sure about something research it, so you know what it is.
Have this conversation sober, away from the bedroom and when your both relaxed.
The things that you both agree to on the list are things you discuss more and proceed with. The things that are no’s or maybes are off the table for now. They don’t come back on the table for if your preferences have changed until you set a fixed amount of time. This could be 3 months, 6 months a year. Whatever time length your comfortable with.