He bees. Another update.
So after my last update I spoke to Katie and asked her to please speak to Camille and give her a heads up. Let her know that she noticed that she asked my husband to walk her to her car the other night and her texting him on the side and to “be careful” because I may not be comfortable with that. Not coming from me but coming from a friend. Honestly, I don’t even think this should be something I would have had to ask her. She should have done this herself when she realized the strife it was having on my relationship. When I asked, Katie asked me why I couldn’t speak to Camille myself. I told her because Camille is her friend that she insist on bringing around. She was hesitant but agreed.
A few days later, while I was still away on my work trip, I get a text from Darling Husband saying that he was at a happy hour with Katie and Ken and that Katie was complaining that she now had to “choose” who she can invite out. She spoke to Camille and Camille said she wouldn’t come around anymore and that she was “willing to talk” if I initiated it. Darling Husband said “This is so embarrassing” and that “I scared her away”.
So a few things
- I don’t know what Katie said to Camille. Clearly she didn’t say what we previously discussed. But I don’t really care at this point. If Camille doesn’t want to come around, then so be it. It actually makes things easier in the interim for me.
- Camille is “willing to talk” if I initiate it? Honestly this is laughable to me. What exactly does she plan to discuss with me??? Definitely not happening.
- Katie sitting at a happy hour complaining to Darling Husband about it was completely unacceptable and cemented to me that she is really just a terrible person parading as my friend. She knows we are having issues, so she sits with my husband to complain to him about me?
- Darling Husband feeling embarrassed was draining to me, but it was something we could discuss at our therapy session we had scheduled for the following week.
So the next morning I texted Katie and asked her what was said to Camille. She never gave a clear answer. She insisted that I should talk to Camille and that she really likes me. And that Camille “gets it” because she was married before. (Seriously wtf). I told her I had no interest in talking to her and that clearly if she “gets it” then she would have a better sense of boundaries. I also told her that if she was torn on “having to choose” who to hang out with that I would make it easier for her and she could pick Camille every time and I needed some serious space from our friendship. Katie was hurt and said that she doesn’t know who I am anymore.
When I got back home I reiterated to Darling Husband that I was not hanging out with them anymore. Again, he is free to, but I am opting out. So the next Friday, Darling Husband met up with them again. He asked me several times if I wanted to go, I told him no. When he got back home, he told me that Katie was saying how much she missed me. I got a text from Katie as well saying that she was respecting my space but she missed me. I didn’t respond. I just think she is a toxic person no matter how nice she tries to be. Darling Husband was supposed to go out with them again on Sunday, but he decided to stay home and hang out with me instead. Which I appreciated.
Otherwise since I returned back home. Things were good with Darling Husband and I. We had a few conversations about what we wanted to accomplish in therapy. And we did not get into any arguments. I was hopeful. (And I accidently referred to Camille as Camille when talking to Darling Husband one day. He was like “Who is Camille???” lmao)
So our first marriage counseling appointment was scheduled at 4pm a few days later. I worked from home that day and Darling Husband went into the office and he was supposed to meet me at the therapy. So at 3:40pm as I was stepping out of the door, I get a text from Darling Husband saying that he couldn’t make it. He had an unexpected meeting that he couldn’t get out of. He asked if I could go alone or reschedule. I was pissed. We waited 2 weeks for this appointment. He promised me that he would be available. It just made me feel that this isn’t a priority to him. I decided to go to the appointment anyway because I didn’t want to cancel 20 min before. I have my own therapist so I wasn’t sure how helpful a solo meeting would be. Then to make matters worse, when I arrived to the appointment, the therapist was not there! I waited for 20 min and he never showed up. I left voicemails and sent texts with no response. I just felt so defeated. I went to my car and just cried because I was so frustrated.
When Darling Husband got home later that night I asked him what happened and why he didn’t take PTO. He told me that the timing was not convenient (even though he agreed to this time) and that Fridays were better for him. So I asked him if he could find someone that works for his schedule. Then he said he “would try”. I told him that he had to do more than try. Working on our marriage had to be a priority and its not something that will fix itself in our spare time. He flipped and said he just had a long day at work and didn’t “have time for this”. He stormed out. He ended up going to another mutual friend’s house (she lives with her Boyfriend or Best Friend who is good friends with DH). I know because she texted me to let me know he was there. He ended up coming home after I went to sleep.
The next morning he apologized for storming out. I was happy for the apology but I feel like we are back at square one again. I feel like its on me again to find a therapist. And with all of my travel and his small time frame of availability I know its going to be difficult. I also don’t want to do this again just to have him be a no show.
I have been hanging out with other friends over the past week, painting in my studio, and I started going to the gym again. Its actually been great not drinking all of the time. Right now things at home are ok. Although Darling Husband has hung out with Katie and Ken, Camille appears to be out of the picture. But I know this same issue will rear its ugly head again. The problem is boundaries and respecting my feelings/concerns. I want to fight for my marriage but I feel alone in the process.