(Closed) Husband hanging with female friend alone?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Husband tells you he is meeting his friend Anna for lunch. What do you say?
    "Hahahahahahahaha no" : (53 votes)
    17 %
    "Ok honey, have fun" : (175 votes)
    55 %
    "Anna better be a man, or we have a problem" : (22 votes)
    7 %
    **DEATH STARE** : (17 votes)
    5 %
    "I would feel better if I came along" : (26 votes)
    8 %
    Other : (23 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    7905 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It depends on their history. Darling Husband has a few female friends that he’s had for a long time that I know are platonic friendships. I’m ok with them spending time together if I’m not available. They’re cool people, though, so I’d love to spend time with them too. If your partner is spending alone time with a new lady, I’d be a little hesitant to let that be.

    Post # 3
    Member
    4238 posts
    Honey bee

    valentine2016:  

    Nope. It’s a question of looking above reproach, not just acting above reproach. I won’t have a luncheon with a male friend, either.

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee

    Pretty much what craigslistgirl said. Also, I’d only be ok with it if they were in public.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Darling Husband has as many close female friends as male ones, and we all get on very well. I’m completely comfortable with him hanging out with them. I mean… what are they going to be doing that I would have cause to object to, realistically? I know Darling Husband well enough to know that him being unfaithful is pretty darn unlikely, and if he was cheating then he would just lie and say he was working late, or something. He wouldn’t exactly say “oh, I’m meeting my friend Jane Doe” and clue me in.

    I have had an unfaithful partner before, but I think on some level then you know this. I mean… you might love your partner, but you have a sixth sense about whether or not they would cheat, given the opportunity and the ability to get away with it. Darling Husband is completely dogmatic and means exactly what he says all the time. He doesn’t cover stuff up because it’s too much effort, and he doesn’t conceal the truth because he doesn’t enjoy deception. I’m totally secure about, and convinced of, his fidelity.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9527 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    If I have platonic male friends that I am alone with he should have female. I truly have no issue

    Post # 7
    Member
    592 posts
    Busy bee

    I would ask him under what context he knew this friend (old college friend, work, family friend etc.) and then make a decision from there. 

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    1246 posts
    Bumble bee

    Good point, I’m guessing you mean alone in public.

    Post # 9
    Member
    1812 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I used to take issue but that’s because I had good reason…the guys in question were not trustworthy as it turns out. My Darling Husband has hung out with two different female friends alone. They are stay at home moms and he used to work a compressed schedule so he had days off during the week, too. He would have our stepdaughter hang out with their kids while they talked, swam in the pool, etc. I never had any problem with it because I trust him. He has always been an open book with me.

    Post # 10
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee

    My husband and I are both pansexual. If we were only allowed to hang out with people of a gender we weren’t attracted to we’d spend all of our free time alone. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    Honestly, for me it would depend on the female friend.

    My Fiance and I were friends before we started dating, so we have a lot of mutual friends. Whilst I would be completely okay if he were to hang out with most of our mutual female friends alone, there are a few that I would be uncomfortable with. One used to have a huge thing for him (that carried over into the time we were dating, and she wasn’t subtle about it either), one is a massive and inappropriate flirt (we aren’t that close anymore) and the other I suspect my Fiance had a thing for before he and I started dating (a little petty, yes, but it’s how I feel).

    My Fiance has some other female friends – mostly through university, but a couple he met through other friends – and I would be okay with him hanging out with them alone. I have met all of these women and they seem nice.

    Post # 12
    Member
    534 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    I don’t have a problem with it. I go to lunch with my male friends sometimes too, so it would be pretty hypocritical if I did. 

    I’m also bi, so what SilverWire said applies to me as well. By those rules, I couldn’t hang out with any of my friends alone.

    Post # 13
    Member
    619 posts
    Busy bee

    valentine2016:  It definitely depends on who and where. A friend/coworker that I know or that Darling Husband has talked about, and the lunch was in public- totally acceptable. Someone who I have never heard of or the lunch being at someone’s house- not acceptable unless he can answer the 3.7 million questions I’m going to ask before said lunch takes place.

    I used to work with all men and became really professionally close with two of the men. I regularly had lunch with one or both of them and Darling Husband was 100% cool with it. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    5891 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I have a good gguy friend from college that I go to lunch with about once a year. He’s even someone I’ve kissed. Doesn’t bother Darling Husband. In fact my BFF that was our Officiant, is a guy I dated for a month in college (so we kissed too, but not much else). He’s Gay now, so nothing going to happen LOL But Darling Husband is very confident in our relationship and totally trusts me. I feel the same way about him. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    4121 posts
    Honey bee

    valentine2016:  I guess it depends on a case by case basis and history. But generally, I don’t have any issues with my SO hanging out with a female friend. My SO has about 4 groups of friends so he has one best friend from each group (1 female and 3 males). From undergrad school, his best friend is a female. She lives about 2.5 hours drive from us. Sometimes they hang out alone when she is in town and sometimes I come along. I never felt threatened or suspicious. They have been housemates as well during their university years (way before I met him) so I figure if they wanted to mess around, they would have done so at that time. 

    • This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by  socalgirl1689.

    The topic ‘Husband hanging with female friend alone?’ is closed to new replies.

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